Quote from: Arch on June 20, 2010, 12:35:13 AM
You know me well enough to know what I think about denying feelings, even the so-called negative ones. I was an emotional zombie for so many years that I still fall back on it automatically at the slightest provocation. And I'm still weirded out when I have nice, normal, happy feelings...I often have a bizarro response to such emotions and get freaky. It's taking a lot of hard work to unlearn these habits. I done trained myself too good.

Yeah, I definitely know what you mean. I automatically went to the "just keep swimming" place in my head a couple of months ago, and tried to just tell everyone (and myself) that I was happy and "fine" and whatever other garbage. It was when I told myself "no, it's okay to feel miserable, be anti-social, and just take this time to be a hermit" that I was really going against my grain. And I think allowing myself that time was the best thing I could've done for myself. Not to say I don't still have issues and challenges right now, but I think I processed a lot of my utter despair and am at a point now where I'm not "trying to be happy" I'm just being content. It's a subtle difference, but the anxiety I would usually be feeling isn't as present, and that's a huge thing in and of itself.

Well done James. Telling others is really hard but liberating. So far my immediate family is supportive, even though my Dad had to do alot of research since he didn't know much about it. The internet and especially the book I gave him helped immensely.

I'll be telling the big boss soon too. I predict akwardness, confusion and stupid questions too. At least my manager- who supports me- will be there too. Did/do you feel your job's at risk now since the owner knows? That's my biggest concern, even though I have trans-experienced lawyers ready if need be.

You're right about what you said earlier about support. I'm lucky my immediate family are all supportive and I hope it stays that way. After the nuclear meltdown with my ex I don't think I could handle a close family member responding badly or not supporting me either. I guess we're never given more than we can handle.

Quote from: Radar on June 22, 2010, 08:13:56 AM
Did/do you feel your job's at risk now since the owner knows?

Well, being in Canada, it's illegal to discriminate on the basis of gender identity, so I'm not too worried that way, but I do know that some people experience backlash regardless of the laws. Thankfully, my company is really progressive and I've already felt so accepted and understood by the HR manager. She's actually dealt with a trans employee coming out before (in a previous company) and she went through "gender minority support" training and such. She's been pretty freaking incredible about it all actually.

Tomorrow 9am is the big meeting. I'm totally nervous because all attention will be on me and I hope I don't sound like an idiot. But I think I'm just going to treat it like any of the other people or groups of people I've come out to so far in this past year, and I'm sure it'll be okay.

Wish me luck everyone!

Hope the meeting goes well, James. I've got everything crossed for you! 

Good luck. Sounds like it will go pretty smoothly, since you seem to have management on your side.

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Post Merge: June 23, 2010, 10:02:08 PM

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Quote from: NES_junkie_James on June 21, 2010, 02:10:35 PMIt's a subtle difference, but the anxiety I would usually be feeling isn't as present, and that's a huge thing in and of itself.

Good. I'm starting to think that anxiety has become a way of life for me, but I have to admit that I'm dealing with it much better than I was (well, generally speaking). Any progress is good.