Oddly enough Im not sure if it is a dream. I mean it happens when i'm asleep but also when im awake like a wierd vision type thing.
Ive been having this dream for over a year now, probably longer. The first dream started in an old street where there was loads of children playing then an ice cream van comes along and all the kids run up to it. The man is horrible looking. He's very deformed. He seems nice to the kids at first but then steals them and takes them away. Now when I have this dream it usually starts in this underground tunnel that leads to a torture room kinda like something you would see in a saw movie. The things this man does to the kids I dont even wanna say. It pains me to even think of it. He skins them, sometimes mutilates them so much that they barely seem human anymore. Theres much worse stuff that happens too but I dont wanna say.If he murdered these kids maybe it wouldnt be so bad. It would be quick and done with but he keeps them alive. Im so sick of seeing this now. Its all thats ever there. Im sorry if this upsets anyone but I just had to say something.

My life is a constant downward spiral right now. It has been for a good 6 years. I dont want to have another break down. I did before and I attacked my mother and im not a violent person. I can hardly remember that time in my life and I dont wanna go back there. Gender is just confusing me so badly right now, I have this stupid friggin voice yelling and hurting me and everyone around me seems to be leaving me. I just started crying when I looked at my mates facebook. I havent seen him in over a year and we used to be so close. Since he got a new girlfriend he hasnt spoken much. I bet if I was a boy she wouldnt have issues with me seeing him. Gender comes back to bite me once again. Then I felt like s**t because I feel I abandoned him when I got my boyfriend. Everything is crumbling around me. I wanna stop seeing horrible things. I just want to live.

Hopefully I don't offend you, because this is a serious question: have you ever been to a psychiatrist? The things you're describing sound quite a bit like schizophrenia, the dreams included. If you haven't, you may want to see about making an appointment.

SD

Yeah, was refered to one when I was 14. Diagnoised as having depression. Now im with a team who deal with psychosis but they believe all my issues are down to gender as I recently came out to my support worker. As hard as gender is and as much as it has followed me around over the years I believe this is a different issue. I think it ties in but now they want to send me to another team to diagnose again and I cant be arsed with it. I just want help. I've dealt with it since I was 12. I cant take much more.

wow this Is horrible
and for over a whole year?!!! that's just...hard
you clearly need help more efficient than the one this group is giving i think , or maybe they're doing it wrong , i think you need a specialist to help you come to th core of this and find out what causing these visions and help you solve them
i've had repeating dreams before but it wasn't that horrible , the worst one was i was holding a little baby and playing with her and she's all giggly and all , then suddenly she slips right of my hands and falls down from 4 stories high , she thinks i'm still playing so when she slips she laughs but then shes terrified and i jump after her then wake up crying , that's all,eventually it turns out to be caused by depression and pressure .
but this..this is serious , so don't put more pressure on yourself by thinking everyone is leaving you , people come and go , we learn about them as we move on , sometimes they are simply busy , sometimes they just don't deserve to be considered close but rather "just someone i know"
anyway , what i'm trying to say is.. first you clear your mind of all sadness and/or stress then put the things that you think are causing you to feel bad on paper ,in order,in points . and work on plans to solve these problems ,even if that plan takes years . and if you really can't do anything about it not even with external help then let it be try to forget/ignore them ,there's no use of stressing ourselves about things we really can't do anything about
with that said , please try to see a doctor to help you with this ,and if your current team is not working then find another way ,because if it's not helping then what's the point, when i started seeing a doctor it was really helpful , i even learned from her, ways and techniques to deal with most issues i have
anyway , i hope things will get better , and they always does ,trust me.

Perhaps this is symbolic rather than literal. A lot of disturbing visions and dreams are. The subconscious mind uses imagery and symbolism to convey thoughts and feelings... and often realising the 'message' your subconscious is trying to send is enough, in itself, to make the dream dissipate.

I don't want to say too much more because I'm no psychologist or whatever, but I can see just from what you've said, some possible links between your life/state of mind and this dream-vision you're having.

You say your life has been on a downward spiral for a good 6 years or so. And the dream involves children... are they perhaps 6 years old? Could it be a reflection of the period in your life perhaps?

And the man, torturing them... perhaps a symbol of your issues regarding gender having a tortuous effect on that part of your life? His disfigurement and appearance suggestive of your inner turmoil and hatred at having to deal with such inner confusion?

As I say, I don't want to say too much, but just some things to think about. Often bad doesn't mean 'bad', and just needs to be understood.