I can't stand the thought of being considered a transman. I want everyone to think of me as a biological man. What should I do?

I don't like being considered transman either. You control your mind and it does alot so keep saying to yourself you're a bio guy and can't nobody tell you different.

I don't want people to consider me a transman either. So I don't tell them.

Problem solved .

Stealth.

I never liked the term myself...I say 'I'm a man with a physical defect'

good one bones! XD
i'll have to use that one from now on

It's not the term I prefer either - but is it not better than woman?

I embraced it at the start of my transition as it was easier to try and explain it that way as I was coming out...

Sadly, chances are if you don't pass noone will think you are a biological man because they don't understand. That's why so many people go stealth. However, you can try and make them see that you really are just like any other guy regardless of whats in your pants.

Generally people get angry at me and say I'm in denial if I say I'm a regular guy, not trans. The more I complete things related to transitioning the less I feel comfortable with relating to the "trans" label. I plan to be completely stealth soon, at least in daily life as soon as my legal name is changed and my gender marker. You are what you say you are. End of story.

I consider myself 'trans' right now because I am in transition. When my body stops looking so female-born and looks the way it should, I'll simply consider myself male, and that's that.

I'm looking forward to when it's better known that XX and XY aren't precisely what makes a "female" or a "male". Rather, those chromosomes tell other chromosomes how to make the body develop. Theoretically those other chromosomes can be given different orders, they've managed to do it to test mice. Someday we'll be able to get gene therapy that will let us produce our own testosterone (they did this in the mice), and it'll have nothing to do with changing an X into Y.

Edit to add: I simplified things a lot there but if you're interested, look up the genes FOXL2 and SOX9, those are specifically what tell our bodies to be "male" or "female" and they can be changed at least in mice, via gene therapy, after adulthood. Flipping that switch makes ovaries turn into testes, ovum die and cells similar to what produce sperm begin to develop. Needless to say I have fervent hopes that this is going to be viable for humans in my near lifetime.

I just say I'm a hormonally challenged guy 

Quote from: aydan_boy on June 24, 2010, 05:35:37 PM
I just say I'm a hormonally challenged guy 

Ditto. And ZomZom, it comes down to psychological conditioning. If you're a man, you're a man. If you're a transman, that's what you are. Etc. Be what you are, and "not allowed" the individual reality of other people.

I consider myself very much "trans" now, but I do not identify with being "trans".  It is merely a fact of life; what I am doing: transitioning, of course.  M. Grimm, that is highly fascinating.  I am sure this will become possible in humans in our lifetimes.  Another thing that will help us is stem cell research; it will be possible to grow organs in a bath of our own stem cells.  So, in the future, a trans man may be able to produce his own testosterone, perhaps even sperm, and have a fully functionable penis.  If stem cell research allows us to grow testes, for example, that gene therapy may make them usable.  I don't understand this subject as well as I should, of course, but that's vastly simplifying it.

Quote from: M.Grimm on June 24, 2010, 03:00:38 PMNeedless to say I have fervent hopes that this is going to be viable for humans in my near lifetime.

As much as I really hope for this I don't expect it to happen in my lifetime (maybe even none of ours). It will take alot of time for testing from mice to work up to humans. Plus, let's be realistic here... it's not like the science and medical world are putting our needs high up on the list. The fact that these tests were funded, researched and tested floors me.

That's true.  It's mostly for the sake of experiment than anything else; I doubt they have us in mind when they do these tests.  Thing is, if those who do care about our needs took that research and began putting it to use, then it could reach us.

Well i don't like to be called 'transman' either, but we all have to deal with it, whether we like it or not 

You say your problem is you don't want other people to think of you as a transman. Well, there are things you can do (and probably will do) in due time to appear as a natal male to other people (i.e. binding, hormones, surgery, and the like). The average person wouldn't look at someone appearing male and wonder if they were trans or not.

*not meant to offend, just my own opinion*

When it comes to how you actually identify yourself, well, that's up to you. I empathize with some of the others who have replied saying they have or are planning to drop the trans label (and of course, that is every individual's choice to make)... but I worry that this line of thinking sometimes leads people to try and deny that things were ever different, that transition ever happened or was needed. As hard as it is to admit, I wasn't born a natal male. I will never become one. This is the way my life is, and although I struggle with it, I feel (for me at least) it will be better in the long run to accept myself the way I am.

I guess the bigger issue is whether not being born a natal male should change your entire identity.  You transition because you feel like a male; shouldn't you simply see yourself as a male?  For instance, being trans is another, very intricate and in my opinion, important part of my identity... But it does not necessarily mean I see myself as any different from any other guy, nor that I want to be treated any differently.  In all honesty, I do not conform as much as some do.  We all do conform to some level, of course, but I merely want to be seen as myself, which I have always thought landed on the male spectrum, without a doubt in mind.  The biggest problem for me is that I can be weak-minded, and feel poorly about my being trans because of our society.  Internalized transphobia is not good, and I admit to having some of it, only towards myself.  I also do not want to be seen as "lesser", so I opt to be stealth when I can... 

That said, if we all begin denying our differences, trans people may never have the sort of visibility and acceptance in our society that gay people are beginning to have.  It's sort of like a gay man saying he never wants to walk around with his partner because he wants to be seen as straight.  Yes, it's a bit different; we feel male, we should be seen as male.  But at the same time, if we remain invisible, we remain unknown, and to some people, what they do not know, they fear.

It's a difficult situation. I, personally, would rather be stealth... But if I were only a stronger person, I might change my decision.

That is a great way of seeing it.  Makes a lot of sense to me.

To start, I am replying from my perspective of MTF transition.

Secondly, I deeply struggle with the same issue - only I can not stand the thought of being considered a transwoman.  Or at least I had an extremely hard time dealing with it at first.

The way I see it, I am a woman.  Period.  The fact that I am trans bears little more weight on who I am as a being, anymore than I am an artist or a musician or anything else.  When it came to my 'womanhood', I was a woman first and everything else was secondary.  Trans was just one 'type' of woman that I was.  Just like 'bisexual' would be a 'type' of woman that I am.

This worked well for me at the start.  I think it was a healthy mentality to deal with what I was going through.  But that doesn't change the fact that there were numerous other people that looked at me as "a less than authentic" woman.

Presenting this issue to my boyfriend several months ago, he tried to understand the mental turmoil I was going through.  He told me "it doesn't matter what those people think... those people you pass by on the street, the eyes and looks you get - they'll never see you again!  You have nothing to prove to them.  You need to live your life for you and not for them.  However much they accept you or approve of you doesn't matter because they do not have to live your life..."

While I believe I understood where he was coming from, it bothered me to no end that there were other people passing me off as "artificial" or as a 'performance' when with my whole being I wanted nothing more than to be recognized as nothing more or less than a woman.

It comforts me to only a small extent to believe that it doesn't matter what other people think, and that I should simply be myself.  I know that there is nothing more true that I could do than to simply be who I am.  But I care what other people think about me.  I want them to see me for who I am.  But in order for that to happen in a manner faster than I can accept, is to wage war on a battle that is not mine alone.  This isn't just a transmans or a transwomans battle... but it definitely feels like it sometimes.

What should you do?  In my opinion?  Be yourself, for your sake and for the sake of everyone else.  No one gives a better example than you, of who you are.  If you want to do more than that, I don't have answers but can only suggest, for instance, activism and speaking out and/or doing things to help open the eyes of mainstream and how many of them view their gendered lives with blinds like horses.

If I could hug you, and cry... I would.


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