Hi everyone.
I call myself Aimee, after a friend of mine. She's the only person that knew fully what's going on with me. She passed on a few years ago, my way of keeping her alive I guess.
I've known, or thought I knew...nothing is certain, that I was born into the wong body since I was "self-aware". I suppose around 9 or 10. Then I couldn't put a name on it, or tell you what was wrong, though I knew something was. I saw a few therapists several years ago, who were very supportive. I have Serious kidney problems, and my Urologist at the time, who knew and sort of understood said that undergoing hormone therapy would likely kill me.
That news sent me into a tail spin of depression, and anger..I guess at God for messing up in the first place.
Now, where I am I can't get therapy...I am living close to my Mother, who is dying of Cancer, just to be around and supportive and help her with things. She likes to garden so I pull weeds with her, kind of a mother daughter thing. Of course she knows..how much I can't say, we've never really talked about it...but you know as well as I that Mom's have this near God-like ability of just knowing stuff.
I'm at the end of my tether ow though, and am not sure how much more of living in a body that 1) isn't mine and, 2) doesn't work like it's supoosed to half the time.
I guess I need friends, who know, and understand. Who have "been there, done that" and can help me keep at least a little of my sanity.
I wear panties and sports bas under my clothes, and shave, and that helps a little...what else can I do? Is there anything? I'm tired of cring all of the time. I'm tired of all of it I guess. I just don't know who to talk to, or even what to say.
Thanks for reading. I hope it's made some sense. Or you are able to make some sense out of it.
Aimee
