My mood swings or depression ups and downs seem to be on a calendar cycle.  I have leveled out at the moment trying to resist going down. Have been on a high for a week. then for 2 weeks moody and snappy just like a genetic women. As for the meds I dont think they are working no matter how much I take 50 or 100mg

We live in a space six inches wide, the space between our ears.

It makes me sad to see that so many of us do suffer from depression, but it's nice to know at least I'm not alone in this.  Looking back, I think I've always been somewhat depressed, as so many of my early choices as a child were attributed to it just not being worth the effort of shooting for happiness.  I didn't know this wasn't the norm.

I started getting therapy for it at the end of high school, but the doctor put me on meds I didn't want to take and they pretty much numbed me out for the most part of the past few years.  I'm trying to go off them for a second time, and hopefully this time I'll be successful, because I know that I want to figure out what to do with myself and my life, and how to be happy, whether as a girl (pretty pretty please?) or not...  I want to get back on the progress path!

Oh, and this is my first post.  Hello!

Welcome to Susan,s

Depression is common but look at what we have to deal with for the first part of our lives and who wouldn't be depressed.

I'm bipolar (as is most of my family) and I refuse to take meds for it. Sometime I regret that decision. High and low doesn't always mean happy and sad. Sometimes it means panicked and hateful. Those are the time I can't get out of bed, because I'm either to angry at the world or don't think I should be in it.

Then Esther (my cat) licks my nose and life couldn't be better.

Well; while I often want to just cry myself to sleep, and not get out of bed...

I don't sleep much, and I get bored way too easily. So I just get out of bed, and deal with it the best way I can. I've been on meds, but that was to either too little avail, made me completely numb. Rather than trying other meds, I 'just deal with it.' But not in the 'Aw, I'm fine' way, really.. I just hope nobody asks.

My depression is much better then it used to be and it's much less constant. It still can get bad though, when it's bad I can hardly do anything so stay in bed mostly, I spent most of my teenage years in bed because of my depression.

I take prozac for it which I find a great help.

Quote from: Miniar on June 11, 2010, 06:31:01 AM
I ticked the "sometimes I don't want to get out of bed" and "I deal with it".

Like any other stubborn "bloke" I just clench my teeth and go "no I'm fine".

This.
I already refused meds, since while I do get low to the point where I just want the world to stop turning or an airplane to fall on my head or something, but I never get to the point where I want to do anything stupid [well, it crosses my mind, but I NEVER have the desire to carry it out :s] I just stick it out, since it seems to come in waves.
First I get sort of irritated with stuff, then I have that apathetic time when I just don't wanna do anything and if I try and think forwards all I envision is a black hole; the 'everything's pointless/hopeless' moment. Then I get ANGRY at things, especially the people who try and do or say anything to help, but mostly because I'm angry at myself that they feel the need to quit what they're doing in their lives to help or that they actually get into a negative mood because they don't like seeing me that way. And when that passes, I just feel VERY tired for the next few days. Then I'm fine for a bit and then it just all happens again.
Thankfully, I've got my first Psych appointment soon... [In July ¬_¬ x_x]

I seem to be cycling between up and down just lately, sometimes quite quickly. I get really frustrated, and dysphoric, and I don't know what to do with it all. I take medication but sometimes it helps, and other times it doesn't. I'm trying to exercise more and eat better.

I had been reducing my meds over the last few months, and finally stopped. 

However I found that I was too quick stopping, as I started to suffer parasthesia, a feeling like electric shocks or a popping sensation in the skin.  Apparently to be expected.

Has anyone else experienced this? Not nice, so back on a reduced dose again, and a very slow tapering off over 6 months or more.

Quote from: justmeinoz on June 17, 2010, 08:37:50 AM
I had been reducing my meds over the last few months, and finally stopped. 

However I found that I was too quick stopping, as I started to suffer parasthesia, a feeling like electric shocks or a popping sensation in the skin.  Apparently to be expected.

Has anyone else experienced this? Not nice, so back on a reduced dose again, and a very slow tapering off over 6 months or more.

I'm slowly reducing mine but my GP is saying it will take about 18 months to get off them , reducing at 5mgs a time every six months.

When I was in my 'trying to prove what I'm not: a man' Period ... it was constant.

Since I had my Ah Ha Moment about 20 years ago I am fine. I accept who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin. Even though it is the wrong body.

I use to have very severe depression. Attempted suicide a few times, did quite a lot of self harm. My depression is still pretty bad, but I manage it.

Bad enough that yesterday I was cutting myself and googling different ways to kill myself.


... so yeah pretty bad, lol.

Mines the kind of thing where I'm fine mostly all of every day [though some days are certainly more taken over than others] but at least 3 or 4 times a day I just get big waves of depression over me.  Usually triggered by nothing but my own wandering thoughts. 

I chose "Don't want to get out of bed" and "I get depressed but I deal with it."

because that is about where I'm at, at the moment.

Its gotten worse recently.  I'm not sure exactly why, but I think its due to my increased sex drive and my extreme discomfort with nudity and sex and ect.  I've pretty much resigned myself to loneliness and a life of sexual frustration.  Its an ongoing battle between two very equally matched armies.  There are casualties either way.

I have figured out that when I get snappish at the world I am starting to get depressed.

I know what causes it, but one can not just not do anything.  I avoid the things that causes me depression and just sleep.

In fact even now I am fighting off a depression.

My mom, grandmother, and aunt all suffer from severe deppression, and I know it has affected me for a while now. It does suck.

I used to get myself trapped in odd cycles, around about the time I was questioning whether I really was transgender or not. I'd grow increasingly anxious about the question, find some means of reassuring myself with comforting YouTube videos or a little dress-up, and then feel much better about myself. But then this seemed to invalidate the idea that I was depressed, which kicked things back around again.

I'm under no illusions; mine is a pretty manageable state compared to some, as there are no genetic dispositions towards my getting depressed. It's not medical, but my depressive moods can spark quite fiercely from the smallest of stimuli. All it might take is a transphobic comment on TV, (commonly) the sight of a shop mannequin or a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the wrong time of day. I'm also constantly battling the urge to stay in bed when I wake, as sadly I still live with my family. These are people upon whom I rely and I have to face every day. I also spend every day hiding the self I know I need to be from them.

I think I manage simply by finding distractions, which is hard to do when I'm unemployed. Then I can focus the more positive energy I get into trying to transition, step by step.

Thank you all for your posts

The depression thing has all but killed me and I'm fairly certain that it probably will soon

I've been doing my best to deal with these feelings, but I've realized that it's more of a question of "when" rather than "if" at this point.

Not only do I cry myself to sleep, don't want to get up in the morning, have little to no motivation or interest for much of anything...

But I have this urge to get rid of everything and have become prone to laughing fits

I feel trapped, alone and isolated in the middle of Mormon land, Idaho with no chance of escape

I already feel dead... Why not make it official? 

Because we would miss you and the world is a lot more interesting with you in it, Virginia.