I just got yelled at from my dad and he's telling me that he dislikes my appearance. He says that the world is harsh and that I will have to dress as a girl.
I don't feel like I'm a girl. I know I am guy.
It just hit me hard. I just want to be who I know I am.
Female body or not.
He was telling me to get my life together but he doesn't know how I see myself. Which sucks because if he did. He'd hate me. I just know it.
I want to find some program like HOTT ( Which is basically a program you pay some money for like 5-10 bucks then they help you with the rest as long as you are under 25. Which I am.)  in New York here in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I want to start talking to some about transitioning and go from there but I do not have a job and I am deadly afraid to get one. I don't want to go then get one and then go through my transition then get hurt or killed because of who I am.
I just really need help with this. I feel often depressed all the time about it. I'm getting my GED next month because a few years ago I dropped out of high school because of bullying. I'm excited for my GED but it's a job, college and transitioning that scares me.
Any suggestions?
I'm at my wits end here. I've emailed SO many places and they have emailed me back...
So, I'm hoping someone here could help me...please.
It's beginning to be too much for one person...

don't worry you are not alone
i know people here will help you with advice and comfort an we are all here for you
life is rough whether your transitioning or not ,no one can deny that , but fear only holds one back , although a reasonable amount of fear is healthy
idk how it is in Colorado but transitioning goes in a slow base , so if you get a job you probably won't be harassed about it in any way , they'll probably mistake you for a tomboy i'd think
as for college , if your current state is TG intolerant then what about going to college in a different state/region that is more tolerant to transsexuals , a lot of guys and girls choose even to go to their new colleges/jobs as their true gender (which in your case is male)
i hope everything goes well , and if you ever need anything or have any question i think i speak for all when i say we're all here for you

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Post Merge: June 24, 2010, 08:58:33 PM

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as for your dad , well , some parents understand , some just accept the facts , and some totally deny it . eventually if you go with transition you'll come out to him and he would have to try to get to terms of acceptance if he really cares for you , but if he don't ..then why would you care

Wow, thank you. It's nice to know there is people that at least care for you even if they don't know you personally. That actually means a lot to me. It really does. It's just cool to know there are people out their like you that boost my self esteem and make me feel better about myself.
Colleges are open to it? Hm. That's good.
People already do think I'm a "tomboy" when I apply at places. x3
Any advice how to dress nicely for an interview without looking girly but still get a job even though your ID says "female"?
That doesn't make much sense to me.

glad i could be of help

Quote from: synthesinner on June 24, 2010, 10:01:49 PM
Any advice how to dress nicely for an interview without looking girly but still get a job even though your ID says "female"?
That doesn't make much sense to me.

it's totally doable , although i couldn't be of much help in this particular area (i wouldn't take my own advice on clothing lol) for myself i always just go casual nice looking shirt and jeans would do it for me (i'm bio-male though)
there are a lot of members here though who have a  really cool androgynous style in clothing ( in case you don't wanna look too masculine) , just browse around the forums , you'll eventually come up with something
good luck ^_^

Yeah man Synth, like E says: don't worry, the world isn't such a bad place. From what I've read folk had their best time in college because it was a playground where they could be themselves... That... Kind of twists it into a thing to look forward to, ne?

I can't give you much pointers on transitioning though, but it seems like you know what your first step will be; find a job so you can go to a specialist. So really, you have a goal - always a good start, and you don't need your dad or anyone else for that matter to pull it off. After all; you're getting your GED on your own as well... Simply said: just look forward, take a deep breath and have a little faith. There'll be ups and there'll be downs, but so far I haven't heard of an apocalypse scheduled so you have all the time in the world.

As for clothing... My style is pretty androgynous. One of my outfits for work (which has a dresscode) would be a pair of dark dresspants (can also be jeans, just make sure they're a straight fit - not baggy) and a white v-neck shirt with short sleeves (can also be longer). Wear a nice belt with that and you're good to go. Shoe wise you can either go for dress shoes if you're feeling particulary formal or some clean sneakers. Also, a scarf to match is also a nice addition. I like my scarfs.  Anywho, that's a pretty decent outfit - not too formal, not too casual, not too feminine or masculine..

@:eNTROPY
Haha. You think you dress badly? xD It's all cool. I could wear nice pants. Not jean but dress pants? I have tons of those. I can't wait for the day till I get all that legally changed. x3


@: no_id Yeah, I love setting goals and I know for sure I'll have at least a GED and a job by the END of the summer. I was talking to this one lady who I need to email soon. She offered me to volunteer to help set-up something like I tried explaining before to help many young people in need. Which honestly I think it would be a great idea to do. :3
That is a great idea. Go in between the line for clothing at a job. I shall try that then. That's for the tip. That helps a lot. haha I have a few pieces of clothing like that.

Don't worry about going to college. I was, but it turned out to be the best experience in my life. I've had social anxiety since preschool and had to be taken out of school every year for five years until I was put into full time home schooling. When I bucked up and got my GED and applied to a community college, I was expecting to not make any friends and keep to myself until I could start T and pass 'better' as male. But without even trying, I made friends, friends that think I'm male or know I'm trans, friends that I know I'll have for a long time. The people in college are much more LGBT friendly than the people in high school from what I've heard, so you'll have a good time if you just relax~

As far as getting a job, you'll be okay. It's scary at first! I about had a panic attack my first time applying for a job, and it was even a job I was already guaranteed to be hired for. But the more you do it the easier it gets, just apply either online or in the place, ask to speak to the manager, introduce yourself politely and say I'm looking to work here and all that jazz. It's not so bad if you imagine it in your head beforehand, going successfully. And remember, not everywhere will want to hire you. It's hard to find somewhere that is hiring, wants someone your age, and is applicable to your experience level. But don't give up if you don't get hired! That's the most important thing. Never give up.

Actually working isn't hard either, if it's not a hard working job lol. Since you're bio-female you probably won't get a physically hard job, but even if you get a mentally tasking job, working isn't so bad. It's very rewarding, especially that first pay check~

Transitioning in the workplace varies from place to place. Some people find that their workplace supports their transition fully, some get fired, thankfully few get abused, and some just cope with not passing at work or finding a new job after transitioning. It's all about your comfort. As eNTROPY said, fear is good, but in moderation. Try and control your fear, or it'll control you, as it already seems to be doing.

Transitioning elsewhere is easy once you get over the initial nervousness. The first time you get sir'd is like heaven~ in order to do so you need a binder of some sort, ace bandage and duct tape are not recommended, but the bandage or a too tight sports bra will work until you get a real binder, which range around 30-40 dollars. It seems you already dress male, so that's good. Just remember, be confident! Confidence is sexy lol

Your father will either come around or he won't. Be who you are and say what you will, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. It's a Dr.Seuss quote that I tell myself pretty frequently. I couldn't give two ->-bleeped-<-s about the people who don't like me being trans. If they care, I don't care about them. It's a hard thing to handle, especially when it comes to family and friends, but you have to remember that you are you, no matter what anyone else thinks, and your happiness and well-being should be your top priority. TOP PRIORITY. Not the second, nor third, but the first. You are the most important person in your life, so don't let your father stop you from doing what you need to be happy. Which is being who you are, a man.

I'm not sure what HOTT is.. I googled it but got many different things lol.

Morgan, thank you.
I feel loads better after people saying college is better off then high school when it comes to this.  High school was VERY rough on me because I went to one on a Air Force base and military kids aren't really nice or open minded. I found a few friends that were though. Which I'm know college will be the same thanks to the many people here. :3
I'm hoping a job will be cool with this and if not I hope that my career will be already started and then I just build computer to my hearts content. If not that is what I will do one day.
I've been called sir before MANY times even at my old job. Mainly, by costumers. Which when they did I lost myself in the moment and smiled as big as I could. It makes me happy when people do that. Big self esteem booster.

I think fear controls me because I've had VERY little support in my life and I'm scared of displeasing others because I've pleased them most of my life. I know have TONS of friends who say they love me and accept me for me and encourage me to get things done. Even people on here seem to help a lot. :3 I love the advice.
I use a back brace which works fairly well. I have seem to misplaced it in my cluttered room. I'm a giant pack rat. I did use ace bandages at first till it started leaving marks on my skin and I HATE marks on my skin. I left enough falling down as a kid. lol

I'll one day post pictures of myself. I look like one of those "emo" guys if that's any picture. I'd cut my hair short but I have issues with my giant forehead. xD Which is okay because my bio-logical male friend says its normal. lol So, I like my hair semi-long and I wear clothes I'm comfortable in. So, it'sall good. x3

My dad is a dick. Sorry for the language but that's the way he is. ^^;
I love that quote so much. It makes me smile because it's so true. :3 Dr. Seuss is one amazing person. 

http://www.callen-lorde.org/services/trans.html
That is HOTT Program.

Wow, you are definitely overly stressed about the whole thing. Obviously you haven't dealt with a lot of acceptance and love from other people. Really it will get better, a lot better actually. Better than you can imagine.

I was miserable in high school for the most part, and then one day I just snapped. I was always that person who cared about how other people felt and tried not to rock the boat too much. No matter what I did I was still different, it was still obvious and I still got treated like crap. My parents MOVED to a new state to get me out of my old school, I lived here for two weeks until school started. At that point I was already the weird new kid who was a dyke (although I never once vocalized that my attraction was towards females). They just knew somehow. I hadn't even really met anyone yet and within the first 5 minutes people were pointing, staring and talking about me like I couldn't hear them.

Those same kids still treated me like crap in high school, and then like I said before, I just changed. One day I turned around when a girl was harassing me and trying to shove me around in the hall, I got in her face and just started yelling at her. I backed her across the hall screaming at her about why did she care if I liked girls, why did it matter to her if I was gay or wanted to be a guy... I just freaked out. After that everything just changed for me. I stopped pretending to be who they wanted me to be, stopped faking it, stopped trying to hide. Now those same kids respect me and are friends with me, they keep in touch with me online or in real life. By the time it was our last week of high school I had people stopping me to tell me how I changed their views on people being gay or trans just by being me and being the nice person that I naturally am.

Not only that but I was happier with myself. I met more people like me. I got involved in the gay community and found a lot of support from other kids and adults. When I moved out of my parents home I began living full time as male. I don't know how to explain it or how it happens, but it happens. Things just turn around at some point, you stop being scared and you just become... I don't know.... free. And once you're free you see so many things you never saw before. The other people who are like you, the people who want to be like you... the people who just don't give a ->-bleeped-<- about the things like you being trans and care for you anyhow.

This wasn't really where I planned to go with this post, so I'll try to post again in the next couple of days. There really is a huge world out there and you are so far from being alone or being uncared for that it will amaze you. Move away for college, make some friends... be you. It will all be a lot better. And I bet most of the guys here will say the same thing. Getting away from the negativity will really really change your life.