I know at 38 i'm a (bit) older than a lot of you on here and so our experiences will be different but i find that when i'm with a group of my female friends be they straight lesbian or bi they all talk the same language and its one i dont know. Its almost like theyve taken a class and have the same knowledge base as each other but one that makes no sense to me. Does this happen to anyone else? We can be all sat around talking and the women are nodding away and agreeing on things like an unspoken code that goes completely over my head

I have a similar problem, but kind of opposite. I actually have trouble with talking to other transmen. I don't seem to either care or know about the issues they want to discuss, or when I don't agree it does not go over well lol.

I was raised in the lesbian community, having identified as one from the age of 12 till 15. Having been really involved with activism in high school I became even closer with some of them because at that time I wasn't able to find a trans community where I live. Even when I finally did find one they tended to be more MTF people. It seems like in the last few years the FTM community in my area has really started being more out and active, obviously these same people were always here but we just didn't have many groups or anything like that to meet one another. At this point I am just lost and confused around them half of the time lol.

I was brought up in the lesbian community as well. 20 something years ago it was the only word i knew to describe someone like me; even tho i knew it wasn't quite right. But now i feel like i dont really fit in anywhere

From what I have been told from other trans people that seems to be common. A lot of communities seem to alienate them once they come out and are no longer identifying as lesbians. I am lucky that where I live they are pretty open and cool with me still, but it does seem like it isn't always so lucky for everyone.

Maybe someone with an experience more like yours will have something to say lol.

You're not alone in this one buddy. Ever since I came out to all of my friends and have been living full time as a guy it feels as though I don't...fit in with those girls any more. Not so much lesbians one (since I didn't have many lesbian friends) but just normal girls. I was invited to my friend's birthday party a few weeks ago and it was a bunch of our female friends and her boyfriend. But I was able to talk to her boyfriend more naturally and socialize with him much more than the rest of the girls at the party.

Before (with that specific group) I sort of fit in but not really. Even back then I was somewhat bored/confused with what they were talking about or how they acted/behaved.

I guess it's because the more we transition the more we grow into who we really are therefore we find those types of things more...foreign than they were years before we started to transition.

Thats definitely the right word- foreign. I mean, i was brought up in basically the same way as my friends, have lived a similar life, yet they all seem to intrinsically know things that i dont- almost like they went to a class for femaleness, even the butch ones in the group. I'm left scratching my head thinking how can something that comes so naturally to them seem so alien to me

Quote from: al james on July 02, 2010, 02:52:22 PM
I know at 38 i'm a (bit) older than a lot of you on here and so our experiences will be different but i find that when i'm with a group of my female friends be they straight lesbian or bi they all talk the same language and its one i dont know. Its almost like theyve taken a class and have the same knowledge base as each other but one that makes no sense to me. Does this happen to anyone else? We can be all sat around talking and the women are nodding away and agreeing on things like an unspoken code that goes completely over my head

I've felt like this since I was a kid. I always had trouble making and keeping female friends because we just couldn't communicate - they expected me to understand what they were saying, and I just didn't. I was always friends with the boys. And that of course fueled the resentment, because the girls assumed I was sleeping with their boyfriends.

It was actually kind of frustrating sometimes because I knew I was queer (gay) and I felt like I ought to have a lot of things in common with lesbians, but trying to form friendships with them was like trying to converse with aliens. Straight girls are less hostile, but equally confusing.

I have the opposite issues. I don't get along well with guys, I understand them but don't like the things they like and I am not interested in the things they seem to be interested in.

I get along great with women, almost every person I consider a friend is female with the exception of one gay guy who I've been friends with for 7 years. I do have guys that I talk with sometimes but I don't really ever hang out with them. Despite being a hetro man I just don't seem to have anything in common other than liking women. I enjoy the "female" role I was raised with, cleaning, organizing, taking care of the home, etc.

At least Bianca is similar, she has a hard time getting along with other women and talks with men easier. She enjoys the male role of working on the car and fixing things... so we have that balance in our relationship. We both also seem to have a difficult time talking with other trans people. We get along well enough online, but in real life we barely talk to the trans people we know and we almost never hang out with anyone else who is trans.

I don't really know what it is, but the ways you all talk about feeling about women is similar to how I feel about guys and the trans people in my day to day life... like it's all just foreign to me. I wonder what it is about people in general that makes things seem that way, sometimes even with people we should be able to relate to and get along with well.

Maybe it's just the basic idea of different experiences and being raised certain ways. I don't know, I feel like I don't really have anything to say but for some reason I'm finding this conversation relevant to me even if I do have to flip around the ideas to fit my situation lol.

It depends on the girls in question. Like my best mate Alex is a very boyish lesbian and we get on great.  She understands me really well. I guess she's sort of on the masculine spectrum so that might make it different.

However my new flatmate Jodie is MAD AS A SNAKE and I cannot understand her for the life of me. She came in and asked me and my other flatmate Tim if we knew any good sunbed places....we were like, uh what do you think?! She talks to me about her boyfriend and I'm like, well I understand where he's coming from but not where you are. Back when I was still presenting as a girl I was constantly giving straight girls advice on what their boyfriends meant/thought. 

Sometimes I am actually amazed straight girls and guys even manage to make it work!

In real life to be fair i have a hard time talking to anyone unless i already know them quite well. The guys i do hang around with are ones that are on the same wave length: my wife and my best mates wife say that me and him must be twins cos we are so similar in everything we do and our reactions to things. in fact we have quizes like " what would you do if this hapened" and we are scarily alike. Men as a whole tho i don't necessarily understand but theres definitely more common ground than with females

I've felt the gulf between me and women widening lately.  I find a lot of females conversation kind of boring.  Most of the time, their talk centers around people they know...yawn fest.

I've never understood women. From kindergarten to now, I have never understood them. They are a different species. But I still like talking to them, and even though I may not understand them completely.

I'm sort of awkward in that way with most people, regardless of gender. Just sort of socially inept.

But I'm oblivious and don't usually catch those subtle cues girls seem to like to throw out a lot more than guys. And girls make me more nervous too. And usually don't really share my interests.

Quote from: SilverFang on July 02, 2010, 11:35:21 PMBut I'm oblivious and don't usually catch those subtle cues girls seem to like to throw out a lot more than guys.

I had a gf who was like that. She never communicated with words, ever... and by never, I mean she would never give any input on anything either. She just expected people to know what to do.

Quote from: Lachlann on July 03, 2010, 12:25:46 AM
I had a gf who was like that. She never communicated with words, ever... and by never, I mean she would never give any input on anything either. She just expected people to know what to do.

That never works. Or maybe it does, I have only seen it cause problems though. Anybody have any input?

Quote from: jmaxley on July 02, 2010, 10:06:09 PM
I've felt the gulf between me and women widening lately.  I find a lot of females conversation kind of boring.  Most of the time, their talk centers around people they know...it's really boring.

Yeah! It really is. I have noticed this in not only my female friends/family members but also the women who have come into my work place. My girlfriend is no exception to this. When I'm around her friends and her...->-bleeped-<-, sometimes I just want to just punch one of them to stirr up excitement.

Quote from: Lachlann on July 03, 2010, 12:25:46 AM
I had a gf who was like that. She never communicated with words, ever... and by never, I mean she would never give any input on anything either. She just expected people to know what to do.

Yeah...well maybe that's not just a female thing. Maybe it's an insecurity issue. I knew a few people like that. They were the "odd ball" of the group. Always quiet. No one really knew what they were thinking. Then one day they just fall off the face of the Earth...and you don't even notice them going. I still think it's more of an insecurity thing.

I've always had this problem. I had a lot of trouble making and keeping female friends because I could not get into what they wanted to talk about and do. And while I did love clothing, I had very little interest in typical female clothing.

In one of my recent classes, the work group I was in was all female and they thought it was odd that I had little desire to run my mouth with a ton of smalltalk at all times. One finally said I reminded her of her boyfriend because of that, and I was like, "Yeah, ya think?"

I work with predominantly women.  I've never understood the need for women to talk and talk and talk and explain/tell the same things over and over and over.  And I don't get why shoes are so fascinating, especially the ones you can't walk in.  And they're always complimenting each other on their outfits.  I don't get it.   

Never did before, either.  My ears glaze over.


Jay

my girlfriends eyes light up when we pass a shoe shop- shes like a m->-bleeped-<-ie. And how many handbags do they need- especially the little ones that wont even fit a mobile phone in. I mean, what is the point? Oh and sneakers? good liluck for monday

Quote from: al james on July 03, 2010, 03:46:25 PM
my girlfriends eyes light up when we pass a shoe shop- shes like a m->-bleeped-<-ie. And how many handbags do they need- especially the little ones that wont even fit a mobile phone in. I mean, what is the point? Oh and sneakers? good liluck for monday

Speaking of handbags, my girlfriend and the majority of her friends all have this...thing with handbags.

1. What they do is they have a small wall/purse type thing...pretty big though. It has all of their credit cards, ID cards, etc. inside along with seperate compartments for checkbooks and/or coins, and photos.

Ok I understand that. You need a place to keep your money safe and organized. That's what we call a wallet.

2. They then carry a small purse. Small purse usually have...uh...I dunno, make up? I guess. I'm not too sure. They're all different.

3. Then after that small purse, they have a bigger purse or "hand bag" they call it. And they carry that small purse, that wallet (that is inside that smaller purse) all with...other stuff they "need"...

4. (This happens when I see them in a school setting) Last but not least...so they have this huge bag on their shoulder yeah...that has their mini purse and wallet inside that mini purse...then they are LUGGING around this backpack with their laptop, and like 2 books inside...that could easily be fit into their HUGE handbag that has their stupid mini purse inside and their little wallet inside...

I have asked them to explain why they do this MULTIPLE TIMES...sometimes they don't seem to know themselves. It bothers me.