and i'm not talking about the simple (parents /siblings) but about the whole deal (uncle/aunts/cousins....) and when those occur everyone keeps calling and if i dont go i'm the bad person
so yeah , i get nervous around big numbers of people ,even if it was simply a chat room , but this doesn't mean i'm stupid
when i go i'm treated as if i was a retard or something , literally
and my aunt ,for some reason she Hates my guts , and pretends it's all fine , and then make a comment , a gesture or even ask me a question or a response to something i said, that makes me look like a complete idiot , i think she's deliberately doing this , and i'm too nervous  to do anything about it
urrgh , i can go on an on about annoying things that happens forever
and then i'm forced to stay because whenever i'm like "ok i'm off bye"
they're like "no why are you leaving"
"i have something to do"
then they keep asking and investigating about the thing i have to do and when i'm about to go (IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE YOU FRICKIN' SADISTIC IDIOTS)
i choose to just stay and hold my breath a bit longer to stop the investigation
and when i skip these events I'M the bad one
urrrgh stupid family

I guess I'm lucky to either have my cousin or sister around, but I don't like seeing my family either- my dad's side of the family.

I always have to watch everything I say around them it is nerve wrecking. I always come off as a smart ass, though as I have a habit of correcting them and I hate everything they have to say about the world. They're extremely prejudice and preach family love and the such while they back stab each other.

How does your aunt trap you in these exchanges? Perhaps practice ways of laughing out of the questions...

Ugh...I have one coming up....

Quote from: without_yolk on June 28, 2010, 07:46:56 PM
How does your aunt trap you in these exchanges? Perhaps practice ways of laughing out of the questions...

coincidence , it's my father's part of the family too , that i have a problem with , my mother's very rarely see each other even and idk they're not that pushy
i don't think she's tying to trap me or anything , i was being melodramatic maybe because when i wrote this i was just back home from there
i pretty much know she doesn't like me much though
anyway , i don't know , she says things like "you realize your hair looks ridiculous , right?" in front of everybody since i was a kid
or a conversation that goes like this
her: "do you like the t-shirt you are wearing"
me: yeah it's nice
"but you know it's too girly right?"
errm...yeah (nervously trying to joke about it with a "manly" thing to say) i don't care even if it was stained with blood as long as it's comfy
"do you want it to be stained in blood or just wish it was of a red color?"  (?!!)

and of course again this is in front of everybody , my stupid response and her weirdly (accusing me of something?) response
but again , maybe she just tries to start a conversation with me since i'm usually silent ,which shows good intentions
but again i remember vividly the "ARE YOU STUPID?" yelling at me as a kid -and again- in front of everybody for dropping something and breaking it
and -even now- the jokingly mocking me whenever she gets a chance

Wow, she sounds like a real jerk.

Hmm, I guess when it comes to that you can try to turn it on her.

Like, are you legitimately asking for my opinion or do you just want to make fun of me?

"Or, I'm wearing it aren't I?"

and then

you could say... "It's what people wear" or "It's the style" or "Why does it bug you so much" or "Never noticed, nor do I care"

How do you parents react during these situations?

I could also advise answering her first question with a simple answer, "yes," shrugging, and then walking away pretending you didn't hear her second question. Take a breather, think, and try not to let your emotions cloud your mind and try to prepare for what more may come your way.

I'm sorry that you have to put up with someone like that. That sucks.

(in you're best heavy-meal 'cookie monster' voice)
YES, I want it stained in BLOOD, your blood, the blood of virgins...BLOOD!

That'll keep 'em at bay for the rest of that gathering.

Quote from: without_yolk on July 02, 2010, 06:52:20 PM
How do you parents react during these situations?

pfft , i'm 24 . yeah i know , whenever i'm there i feel like a 12 years old for some reason , but well , to answer the question , i almost never went there with my parents even as a kid , i guess that's why whenever i go there i feel insecure . real good suggestions that you mentioned , thanks (although it's all about the ability to do it when my mind -like you said- is too clouded)


and..

Quote from: tekla on July 02, 2010, 08:59:39 PM
(in you're best heavy-meal 'cookie monster' voice)
YES, I want it stained in BLOOD, your blood, the blood of virgins...BLOOD!

That'll keep 'em at bay for the rest of that gathering.

tehehe lol , something like that runs in my head and about to be out

ugh , sorry to hear that . although for me i prefer not to go at all rather than go and be tortured or not feel good about myself

It's possible and easy to structure a life in such a way that such events become non-events.  Oh they still happen, it's just that you're not there for it.  And not because you've become dis-invited, but because you're busy doing something, somewhere else and would really love to you know, but I just don't have the time...  I rarely make it to such things, and on the odd occasion I do they all seem thrilled that I somehow moseyed on by.  I will tell you that being a happy person, successful in whatever you wanted to succeed in, tends to stop all that kind of doubting conversation short.

Other than some pressure that comes with being the first "grandson" on both sides, my fairly large family's gatherings were usually enjoyable enough. We haven't had anything like that since my dad's parents died though (so about 10 years). Everyone just kind of lost touch unless you count facebook as being in touch. It's hard to do when we're scattered all over the place, but his mother was always able to work something out.

My younger sister's wedding this October is going to bring pretty much everyone living in the U.S., which is most of them. Slightly nervous. I haven't really seen these people in a decade, & I'm a bit different than I was in 2000...

good luck , and congrates for the wedding . i'm familure with the pressure of being focused on although i'm not the first anything , i was born in a 'gap' in the family heh , i remember as a kid at such events there where these punch of older kids together , and punch of younger kids together , and i'm not 'old enough' or 'young enough' to hang with either lol . i think your gonna be fine though

i agree 100% with what tekla said here

QuoteI will tell you that being a happy person, successful in whatever you wanted to succeed in, tends to stop all that kind of doubting conversation short.

but since i'm not there (yet?) ,well...

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Post Merge: July 12, 2010, 07:35:49 AM

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oh and you have an arabic greeting in your signature , that's awesome ^_^
peace be on you too 

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Post Merge: July 13, 2010, 02:00:32 PM

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wow you seem to have an international family lol ,but two things i've learned from family gatherings and weddings, that if you feel/act confident (which is something i myself find it hard to achieve there) no awkward situations will happen. and that the thing about weddings is that you can always say hi to anyone and avoid contact for the rest of the wedding . all in all , i hope everything goes just fine