I know I mostly just lurk here, but I could use some help.

A few months ago I came out to my mother, she is not taking it so well. Wednesday I get the results of my blood work, if nothing is wrong with it I am allowed to start T. I already have the sustanon at home and an appointment with my GP Wednesday late in the afternoon. Now my mom wants me to call her on Wednesday, when I know my bloodwork is okay, to talk about this.

I'm afraid she wants me to wait and I don't think I can do that. I've been working towards this for a year now with the genderteam, I already had to wait more than a month for my endo appointment after the psychologist gave the okay and after that two weeks for the bloodwork, that was hard enough.

So any tips on how to handle this. I already wrote her a letter with my whole story in it, it explains in detail why I'm doing this, why I need to do this. She got it last Tuesday, but she didn't want to talk about it, she said she had to process it first. I'm at a loss here, any help is appreciated.

Cheers Chris

It's your life, your decision. Remember that. In the end it's YOU you're ultimately making happy and if you live to make other people happy then you need to look at yourself. I hope that didn't come off as too hostile. What I really mean is you get one life man...live it for you. I can understand if you're close to your mom how it may be hard for you to do something that scares her or she wants to talk more about. Maybe she's scared of what it'll do to you? Of you becoming an angry monster? Try to explain to her that that's not what happens to us. That it's safe as long as you're monitored by a doc, which you are.

My Mother is no longer talking to me.  It's been about 6 weeks since I last heard from her.  Before then we talked nearly everyday and I saw her at least twice a week. 

You know what even though I miss her sometimes not having her negativity and insults in my life has been so wonderfully freeing.  Yes it is a bit tougher without her.  I've had to use strategy a bit more to find a babysitter for my kids and sometimes I miss just calling her up.  However the good far out weighs the bad because she was tearing me down and doing everything she could to not let me be who I need to be in this life.  Basically it's my life not hers whether she wants to believe it or not.

I wish you luck man.  If she continues to be a deterrent it's going to be very tough.  I know, believe me as well as anyone.  But know that you are doing what you need to do.  You should consider her but only to a point.  This is you we are talking about not her.  She doesn't have your point of view.  She really never will.   

Well put, Zombies.

Potter - I'm no expert, but also have a Mother I'm close to who's finding my transition really challenging. It sounds like you're keeping communication open, being honest, keeping her in the loop. Keep being you, and let her work her way through her fears and worries and what-ifs, and ask questions when she's ready. We may well never have a 100% 'This is great' response from our Mums, but keep things open, and remember it's you that you should be focusing on.

My mom doesn't support my "phase" and seems to think that although I'm on T...it's still a phase. And she "she'd" me today to her landlord who knew me as HE. I about flipped a lid. THen I had to walk 8.3 miles home cause she wouldn't give me a ride and I have to ride my bike 16 miles to her house to get the car to go to work for the next 3 days but yeah...that's another story entirely. Point is some parents will alienate you and if they will....so be it I guess.

I've found that people become far more accepting, respectful and understanding once they see how much happier you become on T. It was mainly my aunt and my mother's friends who thought that it was wrong. Then they saw me happy in my skin for the first time ever and soon changed their opinions.

Parents are tough though. My mum has been so supportive, but has told me that she was terrified of losing her little girl. It's just a massive thing for a parent to have to go through, and I can understand her not understanding or maybe needing some time.

Not really any helpful advice, sorry.

Thanks for all the responses.

Zombies, no you didn't come off as hostile, I know I need to live my life for me, that's why I'm doing this. I guess sometimes parents cant put themselves aside. I haven't really lost anyone yet until now, I'd just hate to lose my mom, just not so much that I lose me. But I want to handle this right so that even if she doesn't accept it I can still keep the option open for her to realize I'm happier this way and make our peace then.

Squirell, That sucks. I hope I don't have to do that but I can see how it could be good for me.

Turtle, I understand she is afraid, and I have addressed the fears she mentioned to me. I told her it wasn't her fault and explained that I would still be the same person on the inside.

Ryan, I've seen that too. I understand it's hard for her, but that doesn't change the fact that it's hard for me as well and that I really can't wait any more.

People are usually far too stuck in their own worries to think that it might actually be hard for other people too.
It's not something that non-trans people can empathize with, so it's impossible for them to know how you're feeling and how hard it is for you.

My dad isn't accepting and he goes around moaning to his friends that it's so hard for him and that he's having such a hard time dealing with it, etc. His life is terrible because his daughter is having a sex change. Not once has he considered how hard it must be for me. My mum tries to get that across, but it's not something he can understand at all.

I agree pretty much with what everyone else has said. You have to make the right decision for yourself.

My mum is fairly negative about my transition, but at the same time she doesn't kick-off about it or argue with me. So I just get on with it and enjoy the changes from T, even if she doesn't. Mostly it doesn't get spoken about which suits me just fine.

Quote from: Ryan on July 09, 2010, 04:46:10 PM
People are usually far too stuck in their own worries to think that it might actually be hard for other people too.
It's not something that non-trans people can empathize with, so it's impossible for them to know how you're feeling and how hard it is for you.

My dad isn't accepting and he goes around moaning to his friends that it's so hard for him and that he's having such a hard time dealing with it, etc. His life is terrible because his daughter is having a sex change. Not once has he considered how hard it must be for me. My mum tries to get that across, but it's not something he can understand at all.

Sounds like my folks.... Both of them. When they aren't ignoring me and what i do they're picking fights (usually just my mother, though.)

"We're nearing retirement age, we have a house paid off, we finally have a pool and a wonderful backyard, we're considering a vacation home in Ohio so we can spend more time with MY family.... then you go and drop THIS big bombshell on us!"

"How are we supposed to introduce you as to people we meet... my son Justin who used to be my daughter Erin? How do we explain to family?" 

They where surprised when ALL of my friends (and THEIR parents) proved to be supportive. Though my mom DID mention:

"And how does her husband feel about this? Isn't he, i don't know, uncomfortable? Isn't he worried about another "guy" hanging with his woman... that you'll, like, steal her or something?" 

My folks also can't understand why i'm so shy and why i don't go out seeking people to be friends with. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin, i'm not confident, and i know what i need to do to change that - they just can't see it.

Even my therapist couldn't talk them through it - they stopped going to see her, go figure, so we're just trudging along. I'm no closer to T now than i was last year. I'm looking at another year plus before i'm able to start it (namely because i'm going to have to move out, which means finishing schooling - i'm doing a dog grooming thing - and getting a job to save up FIRST.)

Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and do what YOU need to do. Once i have a job and some money saved up, it's no more Mister Nice Guy. No more compromising and they either get used to it or help me move out. I'm not going to be pussy-footing around them once i have money enough to survive on my own.

I'm hoping they'll come around in the future (or at least be a bit more accepting, not asking for pom pom cheerleading support - just acceptance) but my therapist told me not to hold my breath.

Good luck!