My doc says I need T, but he does not know about my GID diagnosis.
I cry easily at movies, or for other people, so they are kind of sad tears. On occasion I have tears of joy, mainly when someone shows great kindness to me. The last time was when my brother hurt my feelings, then came to my room where I was crying and he so sweetly apologized and just cradled me in his arms, stroked my head, and held me while I cried until I felt better. He can be so sweet, until he reminds me that I am not a girl.
Until just recently, I think I experience a fair amount of irritability and anger. Things get to me real easy. I've spent so many years living for other people or according to other people's beliefs. At 46, my biological alarm clock has started to ring pretty loud. I've given up any desire for career or saving the world (phases I went through, but can no longer pursue do to my health) and all I really want now is to have a loving husband and grow old together, even if that means living poor on a simple farm in a tiny town in Mexico.
The question is whether I would be happier living as a man or woman, and I have serious doubts about the former but feeling awful old and tired to attempt the latter.
PS: As an after note I'll add that for many years I had wanted and even planed to be a celibate monk, so gender and sexuality were not quite as important to me; however, I was worried about the temptations of living a celibate life in a male monastic community. I would have been much more comfortable with nuns, I think. Anyway, though I still have some attraction to that way of life, I don't think I have the stamina, dedication, or faith to do it, and perhaps and a bit selfish for just wanting to love and be loved by someone while growing old together - something we all likely deserve.