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My Mom's Last Email =(

Started by Debra, July 19, 2010, 05:09:56 PM

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Debra

Quote from: JocelynFreiky on July 19, 2010, 11:45:48 PM

This Email made my heart Hurt :(
I'm So Sorry Jerica.
I'm sorry that you're Family is Missing out on such a beautiful human being
For such selfish reasoning and putting beliefs before family.
That to me Is unchristian.

My heart goes out to you, my Sister
for what it's worth, You will Always have Me <3
Jocelyn

Thanks girl =) *hugs*

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kelly_aus

That email made me tear up a little.. How could anyone who purports to love you, treat you like that? *HUGS* Unusually, it also made me a little mad.

I'm fairly sure my family will not react that way, even my aunt who is a Minister in the Uniting Church..
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Hikari

What I find particulaly devestating about that E-mail is that she seems like she is desperate to be the victim, consistantly casting blame on her own daughter for being who she is. I find this sort of thing very immature for a parent.

All I can say is hang in there Jerica, your family may be hurt and confused by the whole expierence of transiton, but I am sure they are alot happier than if you were to be dead, and I get the feeling if you gave in to their desires that you wouldn't be living all that long...

In some ways this makes me happy that I made a preemptive strike and cut my family almost totally out fo my life 11 years ago. It seems to me alot harder to be loved then shunned, rather than never loved at all.
私は女の子 です!My Blog - Hikari's Transition Log http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,377.0.html
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Foamhead

#23
Quote from: Jerica on July 19, 2010, 08:34:20 PM
I'm ok. My parents have been the hardest trial of my transition. I was very close to them growing up and I did everything they asked of me. I guess they are still so very surprised and they just don't want to get over it. I just don't know how I can go on with life without them some days and I cry and cry. Other days I'm able to bury it and be happy for who I am. Some days I think about detransitioning just to have them love me again but the thought of trying to be a boy again makes me extremely suicidal.

You have to make your own happiness and not be a slave to anothers, and you are the one who must live your life in your body not them. If they choose to not accept you then the burden is their own to carry, not yours.
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Ms.Behavin

wow.  What a guilt trip your mom is on..... It's hard, think we all know that.  Just follow your heart in all things. 

OH and people transistion at all ages.  Age really has so little to do with it.  Guilt trips by parents  Oh yes, that would cause a delay. 

Huggggssss

Beni
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Renate

Quote from: Jerica on July 19, 2010, 05:09:56 PM
And the saddest part is that we will all be miserable because you don't even see yourself as the prodigal who has left us.

I'm weak on my bible studies, but wasn't the parable of the prodigal about the son who went away
and came back as a woman and was greeted by her family with open arms and a fatted calf?
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spacial

The reference is weak.

The prodical son, apparently, took his share of teh family fortune and set out one his own. He quickly spend his loot and while starving, realised that his father's servants were better off than he was.

He retuened to his father, prepared to ask to be made a servent. But his father welcomed him with open arms, killed the fatted calf and took him back into the household. Much to the resentment of his brothers.

For this to apply to Jerica, her mother would need to predict her ultimate downfall and say that, when that happens, she will be welcomed back with open arms. To say, at this point, that she doesn't even see herself as prodical doesn't really make a lot of sense. Since, atthis stage, she hardly would.

However, I will make two more points if I may.

Firstly, I had not commented on this before simply because it is not my place to criticise someone's parents to them. Especially on moral matters. That is and must be a matter for Jerica to deal with. They are her parents, She knows them. She knows herself. We can only pray that she has the strength to do what is best for her.

Secondly, this is a reference made by many parents to their children. It is a sad reality that we, as children, need to live our own lives and this will usually not be what our parents have in mind. Those her, who are parents of pre-pubescent children, if they are honest, will admit that they have certain hopes, dreams and expectations of their kids. I am fairly certain most here will try to be tolerant of decisions their kids take. But many of us did have conflicts, ore greater or lesser degrees, with our parents. That does not mean we are prodical.
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Debra

Yah the other thing about the prodigal son that I point out over and over to my mom is:

The prodigal son didn't get kicked out of his father's house!!!!!!!!

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lilacwoman

As if one day you will snap out of it and come to your senses and go "oh, my bad, I don't know what I could have been thinking."
[/quote]
Actually we do see figures of 90% dropouts or reversals among transitioners but I cannot for a moment imagine how anyone can switch to a new life for a while and then go back to be either male or female!
So how Jerica would be accepted or treated if she did revert is hard to imagine - woudl everyone be able to go on as though nothing had happened?
And Jerica looks so lovely and female - what was the pre-transition J***** like?
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Vanessa_yhvh

Quote from: lilacwoman on July 25, 2010, 08:47:28 AM
Actually we do see figures of 90% dropouts or reversals among transitioners but I cannot for a moment imagine how anyone can switch to a new life for a while and then go back to be either male or female!
So how Jerica would be accepted or treated if she did revert is hard to imagine - woudl everyone be able to go on as though nothing had happened?
And Jerica looks so lovely and female - what was the pre-transition J***** like?

90% :o

...and J* was quite handsome.
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Debra


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Vanessa_yhvh

Quote from: Jerica on July 25, 2010, 07:38:07 PMyuck!

Sorry, Miss. No harm intended. And I can say in all honesty that he wasn't as fetching as you are.

Sydney now puts down her shovel.
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Debra

Quote from: SydneyTinker on July 25, 2010, 08:00:37 PM
Sorry, Miss. No harm intended. And I can say in all honesty that he wasn't as fetching as you are.

Sydney now puts down her shovel.

hehe I know thanks =) I just had to put my 2 cents in there hehe. I always hated how I looked growing up and now , not quite as much anymore ;)

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YellowDaisy

she sounds like the type where religion is her whole life. i don't think she's going to change.
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Iceprincess

My 2 cents:

I'm really sorry for the loss of your family, however, I have the feeling that you're better this way. If they can't accept you for who you really are, it's not worth to spend your time on them. It sucks but, it's the truth.

And BTW, you DID look good when you were a boy (Really good IMO, specially in a suit :P) HOWEVER, you look STUNNING now as a girl, seriously! You are a VERY beautiful girl, and as far as I've seen, you're a really nice person and I wish I could hang out with you or something (damn distance :/).

I was watching your vlog on my netbook and then my friend walks by and said "who's the hottie?" and I told him "uhh, random girl from youtube" to which he replied "Can I have her email?" lol.

(This DID happen, I'm not kidding :P)

Well, I wish you the best hun, you're doing great atm, don't let this takes you down, you still have A LOT to live, a lot of people to meet, so many things to go through, don't give up!
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Debra

Quote from: Iceprincess on July 31, 2010, 10:15:37 PM
My 2 cents:

I'm really sorry for the loss of your family, however, I have the feeling that you're better this way. If they can't accept you for who you really are, it's not worth to spend your time on them. It sucks but, it's the truth.

And BTW, you DID look good when you were a boy (Really good IMO, specially in a suit :P) HOWEVER, you look STUNNING now as a girl, seriously! You are a VERY beautiful girl, and as far as I've seen, you're a really nice person and I wish I could hang out with you or something (damn distance :/).

I was watching your vlog on my netbook and then my friend walks by and said "who's the hottie?" and I told him "uhh, random girl from youtube" to which he replied "Can I have her email?" lol.

(This DID happen, I'm not kidding :P)

Well, I wish you the best hun, you're doing great atm, don't let this takes you down, you still have A LOT to live, a lot of people to meet, so many things to go through, don't give up!


Awww thanks girl =) *hugs*

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Dinky_Di

Hey Jerica

I only recently joined this forum and was absolutely heartbroken when I read this thread, my heart goes out to you.  It can be quite devestating losing friends and family through our choice to transition but we have to be true to ourselves.   Time will help heal the emotions somewhat and I hope that in the future your parents realise they will be better having a beutiful happy daughter than an miserable unhappy son.
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YellowDaisy

it makes me wonder why gid is a sin. what are her opinions on other disorders or birth defects?
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Kev

It makes me very sad to read this. And when I feel sad, I'm not even close to a glimpse of what you must be feeling, Jerica.
It makes me sad that something so good and pure like our relationship to our Lord is misunderstood in the way of letting the own children down. I mean, what do people think Jesus would have done? He wouldn't have done anything but embracing you with open arms. Thats what I strongly believe.
It makes me angry to read the mail of your mother's.

But it looks like there is nothing more you can do.
You just go ahead and live your life. You are not doing anything wrong. You are not less. And above all don't let anybody tell you you failed religiously. If there is anybody who understands and accepts, it is our Lord. Sorry your parents don't see what love is truly about. But you can't change people, it seems.
I wish you all the best, and NEVER get discouraged by people telling you you were wrong.
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spacial

I hope you stand your ground as well Jerica, whatever your long term direction.

My own experience of going back was a disaster. I can't say it was the biggest mistake of my life, that has yet to come. But it was entirely negative.

I now realise that what I was expected to do was not just admit I had been wrong about the decisions I had made about my own life, but to put the entire direction of my own life into the hands of others.

I was never able to do anything without criticism. While 'that' issue was rarely raised, it was always held over as the ultimate if I ever stood up to criticism.

I find, even today, if I'm on the receiving end of criticism, I have to bite my tongue.

We each have to live our own lives. Those who criticise do so from a presumption, or assumption of their own perfection.

That isn't any help to you and is harmful to them.
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