Hello everyone I just wanted to introduce myself and test the waters here. I have a lot of questions and I am hoping this will be a place to get some answers. I identify as a gay man but I have always pictured myself happier as a woman. Um, just a little about me I'm 5'9" and a small guy. Blond and I suppose you could say feminine. My apprehensions about ->-bleeped-<- (is that a word?) stems mainly from A. ignorance, and B. Religious up bringing. So yeah I have a lot to learn. But again Hello to everyone and good luck in your endeavors you have my uttermost support!

Welcome! <offers hand>

Welcome to Susan's 

You've come to the right place if your looking for answers

where are the questions , i wanted to answer >=(
lol jk jk ^_^, welcome , i'm sure you came to the right place

Hi
Sounds perfect to me small and blonde and not sure about gender. OK there is a lot of information in the Wiki site, go to the top of Susan's and go to it. To put it in short hand, ->-bleeped-<- is a condition wherein the persons gender does not match their physical sexuality. Being Gay (male or female) is accepting and being happy in your gender and sexuality and having sexual partnerships with people of the same sex and gender as yourself. There are a myriad of  *alities in between and all of them are OK.

The best way of trying to sort out your particular questions is to see an experienced gender therapist. Access to these, and what qualifications they require, change dramatically from country to country. But they are the way to get answers.

A very rough rule of thumb, and please this is only my comment and not to be used as a basis for anything. If you have male sexual primary and secondary sexual characteristics, are happy with them and enjoy dressing in feminine clothing for sexual release, including being female for fantasy sex, in any way. You may be a male cross dresser. Nothing wrong with that by the way. If you have an overwhelming desire that your primary and secondary sexual characteristics are totally wrong; you have an overwhelming desire and need to be to opposite sex of your physical attributes, you may have tried forever to act as your sexual physical identity BTW,  but really cannot accept being your physical sex, you may be transgendered.

That's why therapist's are useful.

Whoops BTW
Welcome
I think you may have found the right site

Cindy

The inital

Hi, Im also new here but not forums, I was shocked when I worked out that I was really a lesbian and slightly bi.
Hope you find out the answers youre lookin for honey!

huggs Antonia xxx

Hi Wantsanswers,

Welcome to our little family. Over 5300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another member.

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Hugs and Love,
Janet

Quote from: wantsanswers on July 24, 2010, 12:36:50 AM
Hello everyone I just wanted to introduce myself and test the waters here. I have a lot of questions and I am hoping this will be a place to get some answers. I identify as a gay man but I have always pictured myself happier as a woman. Um, just a little about me I'm 5'9" and a small guy. Blond and I suppose you could say feminine. My apprehensions about ->-bleeped-<- (is that a word?) stems mainly from A. ignorance, and B. Religious up bringing. So yeah I have a lot to learn. But again Hello to everyone and good luck in your endeavors you have my uttermost support!

My dad was a baptist preacher, and he was very strict about all things of this nature. I hope you find the answers you're looking for here!

Thank you all for the support! I wouldn't consider myself a transgender person But for as long as I can remember I have always wanted or thought that I wanted a life as a woman. what that means I'm not sure. Life is complicated enough and I don't feel like taking on that task, any opinions there?

Well, first off, welcome! Whether you decide you are trans or not, I'm sure you will always be welcomed here at Susan's!

My opinion is, if you want to test life as a woman, try cross-dressing. If you know any drag queens, ask them for advice on tucking, dressing, and light realistic makeup. If nothing else, you could end up with an alternate personality that you can "be" out at clubs, or you might find you enjoy doing drag yourself. Some are satisfied being feminine part time and don't feel the need to do any more.

I myself thought I was a cross dresser until it quickly turned out that doing it now and then just wasn't enough, and I found I wanted it all to be real, not a "costume" I put on. You could end up feeling the same way yourself after cross dressing for a while! If that does happen, then definitely seek a therapist!

I wouldn't suggest a therapist right now, as they can be costly and you could find you are happy just occasionally dressing the part =]

~April

i second what april said , just wanna add that i think your doing the right thing learning about it .for myself i found that merely hanging around GBL (and especially) T communities (over the internet and mostly here  ) has helped a lot in figuring out everything , good luck and remember to not overstress about it because stress spoils feelings as well as thinking

thanks everyone. I have done drag twice and LOVED it! It was just really fun. I suppose a little more background on myself is a good thing. I'm from Mississippi and that should tell you a lot. My parents are very conservative and very active in our Church, southern baptist, so I am constantly under pressure. I was/am religious but my patients are wearing thin on that front. I came out to my mom at 17, 20 now, and we have not spoken about it since. Thanks for your support and kind words.

I do have a few more questions though. How have you managed to balance or choose between morality (traditional teachings) and the lives you live today? This has been my biggest struggle. Being a teen and now young adult in the bible belt and a member of the LGBT community has been hard.

if i understand correctly , your saying that your having a conflict between your religious believes and  your being a member of LGBT community?
okay , i could totally say that i do understand how that feels , since i grew up (and still live) in religious/relatively strict community i have been in total denial for years and have always felt awful simply because of how i feel. and even though my own personal believes has totally changed (almost to the total opposite side,i.e agnostic)  however ,being among such an environment and having to hide often causes me to feel guilty because of who/how i am ,as if it was wrong or something, but i feel angry at myself for feeling guilty over something that is NOT WRONG , wrong is when you harm yourself or someone else even slightly. it's even more right than everything in the world being honest and true to yourself , and being who you are . free your mind of anything and think with reason and i hope that helps you to find your answer.

Thank you for that. I feel exactly the way you described. I am so tired of hypocrisy and hiding but don't have the option to be fully out yet. I have to say this seems to be a lovely community you have here!

QuoteI am so tired of hypocrisy and hiding but don't have the option to be fully out yet. I have to say this seems to be a lovely community you have here!

ditto , and yeah i love it here

I love it here too =] I "discovered" my trans status about three years ago and have been learning and taking small steps in the direction of transition ever since. I can honestly say, the more time that goes by, the more sure I am that this is right for me. If there is a God, I believe he made me who I am for a reason, and that reason is not to hide it and be miserable and suicidal and full of self-hate. Maybe there are people I can help, or people who's eyes and hearts need to be opened. I don't know. I don't think that if there is a God who "knows all and sees all" and if "everything happens according to His plan" then there must be a reason I, and many others, feel the way I/we feel. I have new hope for the future now, where before it was dark and bleak and I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I used to lie in bed at night wishing I would die in my sleep so I wouldn't have to keep living the life I was living before. Transition has changed all that, so how could it be sinful, or against God? If he created me in his image, then he gave me these feelings and this need for a reason.

That's how I see it. No matter what though, I hope you discover whatever it is that you need to do to be happy and at peace inside, whether it be partial or full transition, cross-dressing, role-play or whatever you decide. =]

there is a Christianity forum here that may help. I have a youtube channel that I am working on to help. I was a baptist however they can't see or understand how we feel so they try exclude us from God. remember that the field is the world and 99% (wheat)of it is put into the barn. 1% (tares) are burned. the people in all of the religions of the world still do not add up to the stars of the heavens or the sands of the seas so shall the number of your seed be. it is bigger than baptist can see. I hope this helps you.

Quote from: wantsanswers on July 24, 2010, 09:39:05 PM
Thank you all for the support! I wouldn't consider myself a transgender person But for as long as I can remember I have always wanted or thought that I wanted a life as a woman. what that means I'm not sure. Life is complicated enough and I don't feel like taking on that task, any opinions there?

Hi, and welcome!

First, your being gay is totally accepted by us here.  You are somewhere on the LGBT (Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transsexual) Spectrum.  Where, exactly, you are on that spectrum is your main concern.  It's what brought you here to this website. 

Cindy James above gave you great advice.  She always gives excellent answers that are informative and helpful.  Her idea for you to see a gender counselor is right on ... if you really want to explore your issues.  Remember, such a counselor can be expensive; however, you can also find good gender counselors willing to work with you at a reduced rate or working with public agencies who will see you darned near for free.  You can find one if you want to.

At this website, you have tons of good information.  You have many gender-variant people just like you.  You've found your resource.  Proceed at your own pace and in your own way. 

   Lacey Lynne