So you've gone the distance, had your surgery and are now settled into your new life.  Congrats!  So how has your view on life, love, career, relationships, interests, hobbies, etc. changed?  Are most things still the same or did you experience dramatic changes?

For me, the biggest change is career.  With my sex legally changed I became employable.

As for the rest, it's just different plumbing, although the nightmares did stop eventually.

Quote from: glendagladwitch on July 23, 2010, 06:47:42 PM
For me, the biggest change is career.  With my sex legally changed I became employable.

As for the rest, it's just different plumbing, although the nightmares did stop eventually.

Thanks, but did the way you feeel about your career change?  Did the interaction with co-workers change?  Were you more excited about going to work each day?  Did you notice people approaching you differently?

It's funny that you mention the sex designation.  All my provincial docs designate me as female, while my federal docs i.e. birth certificate, tax info, etc. designate me as male.   Everything goes well with every job I hold, then around tax time, that's when everything goes wrong.  I'm guessing that when my tax info is submitted by an employer, Revenue Canada reports a conflict with my gender.  That's when the employer feels it's justifiable to treat me like crap for a period of time then fire me when they can find a legit excuse.

The biggest psychological change of course is that I'm cured. The dysphoria is gone, a thing of the past. I am more comfortable when I go out, more at peace with myself, things seems right now for the first time in my life. I feel complete, which changes everything.

Quote from: Kristyn on July 23, 2010, 07:21:43 PM
Thanks, but did the way you feeel about your career change?  Did the interaction with co-workers change?  Were you more excited about going to work each day?  Did you notice people approaching you differently?

It's funny that you mention the sex designation.  All my provincial docs designate me as female, while my federal docs i.e. birth certificate, tax info, etc. designate me as male.   Everything goes well with every job I hold, then around tax time, that's when everything goes wrong.  I'm guessing that when my tax info is submitted by an employer, Revenue Canada reports a conflict with my gender.  That's when the employer feels it's justifiable to treat me like crap for a period of time then fire me when they can find a legit excuse.

Well, it was so long ago.  It's kind of like trying to remember what I had for breakfast years ago.

For career, it was more a change in the ability to get a job to put the money together and focus on next steps.  During that 4 years transitioning, I was not employed very long at any one place.  I kept getting outed by the tax thing, like you.  So I didn't really have a career yet, just a degree and a bunch of odd jobs.  After surgery, I was able to become financially stable and take exams and go on to law school and really start a career.  So surgery provided a way to become financially stable enough to start a career, really.  And then school lasted a for a while, and it was several years before I actually had coworkers, and those coworkers were very different from the previosu coworkers had.  I just moved on and grew up, and I can't say that surgery changed who I was, just the opportunities and obstacles in my way.

Before surgery, I did have have nightmares about my priamary physical sexual characteristic being some kind of alien that attached itself to my body, but those had mostly diminished from HRT, even before surgery.  It was certainly a relief to look or reach down and find it gone, but now it's old hat.  And there was a gleeful time that lasted a few months or even years, but now I take it all for granted.  I can't really remember what it was like before, or bring myself to try very hard to remember it.

I have to go along with Chloe here. For me it's like, Before I was wondered ''Do I pass""? when I go outside and interact with people. Now I don't give a horses butt LOL. I don't worry about it anymore, I'm a woman,phenomenal woman that's ME . also I never felt comfortable wearing womans shirts that didn't cover me up frontal wise, Now I can finally wear whatever I like. since that evil 'thing' is gone lol. That's all I noticed so far, since I'm fresh outta water NEWly post op.

Quote from: TheDutchess on July 24, 2010, 10:47:45 AM
I have to go along with Chloe here. For me it's like, Before I was wondered ''Do I pass""? when I go outside and interact with people. Now I don't give a horses butt LOL.

That's how I'm thinking I will feel afterward as well.  Right now I often wonder what people are thinking when they look at me.  It's a real buggy feeling and I just want it gone!

Quote
also I never felt comfortable wearing womans shirts that didn't cover me up frontal wise, Now I can finally wear whatever I like. since that evil 'thing' is gone lol. That's all I noticed so far, since I'm fresh outta water NEWly post op.

I'm pretty much the same.  Always a top which I could pull down if I were wearing jeans--but then again, I kinda like that look.

It's amazing how much you realize you just don't care anymore what anyone thinks. There's nothing to hide. It's like the ultimate confidence boost.

Quote from: glendagladwitch on July 24, 2010, 10:42:29 AM


For career, it was more a change in the ability to get a job to put the money together and focus on next steps.  During that 4 years transitioning, I was not employed very long at any one place.  I kept getting outed by the tax thing, like you.  So I didn't really have a career yet, just a degree and a bunch of odd jobs.  After surgery, I was able to become financially stable and take exams and go on to law school and really start a career.

I'm out of work now and have deliberately avoided looking until after surgery so I can have all my docs reflect female.  I work in the design/publishing industry and it's a relatively close knit community here in Toronto.  I'm pretty sure that eventually, in whatever position I land next, there will be some gossip coming in from the grapevine.  At least, with all my docs legally changed, I will have something to prove some people to be pretty foolish if they persist in partaking in that kind of juvenile crap again!

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Post Merge: July 24, 2010, 01:00:31 PM

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Quote from: FairyGirl on July 24, 2010, 12:36:44 PM
It's amazing how much you realize you just don't care anymore what anyone thinks. There's nothing to hide. It's like the ultimate confidence boost.

I honestly, truly believe that that is what I will feel--not just in my mind, but deep down inside.

It really is a big confidence boost. I think we always wonder deep inside if we pass and what other people think when they see us. if they can tell we have something to ''hide''. before i NEVER Left the house without a full face of make-up and my hair had to be done. the day of surgery I was NOT ALLOWEED to wear any make-up or contacts and my hair was a HOT MESS LOL. I woke up from surgery a HOT MESS LOL. But knowing that 'it' was finally gone made me feel so much better. I got so much confidence and noticed that I no longer cared what others thought of me  and if I was accepted as a woman or not. I had FINALLY ACCEPTED myself as a woman and that's the best feeling in the world. My depression medicine didn't do that for me nor did my therapist or anything else.  i'm no longer depressed about ''it'' being there I feel sooooo good and finally happy for the first time.

Quote from: TheDutchess on July 24, 2010, 06:32:33 PM
It really is a big confidence boost. I think we always wonder deep inside if we pass and what other people think when they see us. if they can tell we have something to ''hide''. before i NEVER Left the house without a full face of make-up and my hair had to be done. the day of surgery I was NOT ALLOWEED to wear any make-up or contacts and my hair was a HOT MESS LOL. I woke up from surgery a HOT MESS LOL. But knowing that 'it' was finally gone made me feel so much better. I got so much confidence and noticed that I no longer cared what others thought of me  and if I was accepted as a woman or not. I had FINALLY ACCEPTED myself as a woman and that's the best feeling in the world. My depression medicine didn't do that for me nor did my therapist or anything else.  i'm no longer depressed about ''it'' being there I feel sooooo good and finally happy for the first time.

Truth be told, it took me up to just this year to be able to do the same.  I was always self conscious without make-up.  However, I always have to flat iron my hair `cuz it is just crazy!!!  I'm not sure, but I think that by just knowing I'm going to have the surgery soon that my confidence has improved.  Now when I go out I barely wear any make-up at all and I'm not so fussy about all the intricate details.

Quote from: FairyGirl on July 24, 2010, 12:36:44 PM
It's amazing how much you realize you just don't care anymore what anyone thinks. There's nothing to hide. It's like the ultimate confidence boost.

Boy Oh Boy Ive been waiting so longggggg for that to happen to me. I really hope that too becomes my reality.

Well transition/SRS was a LONG time ago for me and even then, at 24, I was very stunted in my growth by my rotten childhood and teen years. I had no idea who I was, what I was, or what I would become.

Strangely, I never thought about "passing" - I WAS a girl. Got a problem with that? GET OVER IT! (There was no asterisk in those days, female=girl.)

The first thing that struck me was how unbelievably EASY it was to be me - no more thinking before speaking, no more having to watch how I sat or moved, no more worry about how to dress without attracting unwanted attention - I could just let it flow and it all came out right, just natural girl.

I grew up! I had the chance to find out who ME was (and she was pretty neat!) and to build a life that was all mine!

I have to say that prior to SRS/transition I had no idea, I was going through life blind. Every day that went by after, I could see more and more.

Quote from: Northern Jane on July 25, 2010, 01:30:56 PM



I grew up! I had the chance to find out who ME was (and she was pretty neat!)

  I hear you.  I'm starting to fall in love with my own little quirks, too (Not to say that you are a quirky person, mind you).  I'm realizing my differences and accepting them for what they are for the first time in my life and I couldn't be happier. 

Quote from: TheDutchess on July 24, 2010, 06:32:33 PM
It really is a big confidence boost. I think we always wonder deep inside if we pass and what other people think when they see us. if they can tell we have something to ''hide''. before i NEVER Left the house without a full face of make-up and my hair had to be done. the day of surgery I was NOT ALLOWEED to wear any make-up or contacts and my hair was a HOT MESS LOL. I woke up from surgery a HOT MESS LOL. But knowing that 'it' was finally gone made me feel so much better. I got so much confidence and noticed that I no longer cared what others thought of me  and if I was accepted as a woman or not. I had FINALLY ACCEPTED myself as a woman and that's the best feeling in the world. My depression medicine didn't do that for me nor did my therapist or anything else.  i'm no longer depressed about ''it'' being there I feel sooooo good and finally happy for the first time.

Ill cry when im denied my makeuP!!! I lovvvvvve makeup! looooool hahaahahahaha

What Northern Jane said is very true. There was a lot about myself that I denied, and during transition I had a tendency to overcompensate for fear that someone might suspect something or think I was somehow being less than fully feminine, even if it never happened. As Kristyn said this new self acceptance began even before surgery, but post-op I am able to embrace my completed, whole self like I never could before. I know I've always been female and I don't have to prove that to anyone. My history is history and it's nothing to be ashamed of; in hindsight I only see that poor little lost girl, and she has finally made her way home. There's no more need for overcompensating; I'm free to be myself from the inside out.

The biggest change for me is being clean after forty years of alcohol and drug dependency. Amazingly, I was able to have my SRS six months after getting clean. Subsequently, I also had a face lift which feminized me almost as much as my FFS. Then, I enrolled in school and am now working to get a Master's in education and minor in Music and teach Special Ed. (I am a 4.0 GPA Honors student) As well, I am a published writer and accomplished jazz pianist. (In addition to being a vocalist, composer and guitarist)

My life seems like a dream come true. Most of my success stems from getting clean but I don''t think I could have ever gotten clean and sober without getting the gender stuff fixed.

For awhile though, I thought, with all my successes, I might spend the rest of my life alone. But once I stopped worrying it and just started loving myself, women seem to gravitate toward me. I had a couple rocky relationships but now am settled in with a woman who is also an artist and we will celebrate one year together in August. 


Most importantly though, I found my spiritual self. When I was drinking, I was totally devoid of any spirituality.  I thought twelve-step programs were total bull ->-bleeped-<- until I started working the steps and allowed myself to live one day at a time and turn over my life to my higher power, which for me is Buddha and Meher Baba.

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Post Merge: July 30, 2010, 03:37:50 PM

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Quote from: TheDutchess on July 24, 2010, 06:32:33 PM
It really is a big confidence boost. I think we always wonder deep inside if we pass and what other people think when they see us. if they can tell we have something to ''hide''. before i NEVER Left the house without a full face of make-up and my hair had to be done. the day of surgery I was NOT ALLOWEED to wear any make-up or contacts and my hair was a HOT MESS LOL. I woke up from surgery a HOT MESS LOL. But knowing that 'it' was finally gone made me feel so much better. I got so much confidence and noticed that I no longer cared what others thought of me  and if I was accepted as a woman or not.

Nothing like having vagina confidence, eh?

Quote from: stealth2010 on July 30, 2010, 04:35:02 PM
The biggest change for me is being clean after forty years of alcohol and drug dependency. Amazingly, I was able to have my SRS six months after getting clean. Subsequently, I also had a face lift which feminized me almost as much as my FFS. Then, I enrolled in school and am now working to get a Master's in education and minor in Music and teach Special Ed. (I am a 4.0 GPA Honors student) As well, I am a published writer and accomplished jazz pianist. (In addition to being a vocalist, composer and guitarist)

My life seems like a dream come true. Most of my success stems from getting clean but I don''t think I could have ever gotten clean and sober without getting the gender stuff fixed.

For awhile though, I thought, with all my successes, I might spend the rest of my life alone. But once I stopped worrying it and just started loving myself, women seem to gravitate toward me. I had a couple rocky relationships but now am settled in with a woman who is also an artist and we will celebrate one year together in August. 


Most importantly though, I found my spiritual self. When I was drinking, I was totally devoid of any spirituality.  I thought twelve-step programs were total bull ->-bleeped-<- until I started working the steps and allowed myself to live one day at a time and turn over my life to my higher power, which for me is Buddha and Meher Baba.

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Post Merge: July 30, 2010, 03:37:50 PM

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Nothing like having vagina confidence, eh?

WOW!  What an inspiring account!  Congrats to you S2010!  I too am a musician--vocals and guitar--and have experienced the downside of drugs and alcohol as well.  I envy your relationship with your girlfriend and hope that some day I will find a man who loves and cares for me as much as your girlfriend cares for you.  I too have an interest in spirituality to some degree and am familiar with the writings of Mehar Baba.

Desire nothing except desirelessness

Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes

Want nothing and you shall have everything
--Mehar Baba

It is that last line which resonates the most with me 

Thanks S2010!

What I find amazing is that, for me, it was necessary to change my physical form to find my spiritual self! There is a bit of a conundrum as desiring the physical changes seems to go against the grain of Baba and Buddhist teaching. If i were a saint, I suppose, I could have lived being perceived as male and been happy. I guess I am not a saint.

I started doing daily affirmations. For awhile, I started feeling silly, like that old Al Franken character (Stuart Smalley?) It's all about true self-esteem.

Quote from: stealth2010 on July 30, 2010, 05:22:52 PM
What I find amazing is that, for me, it was necessary to change my physical form to find my spiritual self! There is a bit of a conundrum as desiring the physical changes seems to go against the grain of Baba and Buddhist teaching. If i were a saint, I suppose, I could have lived being perceived as male and been happy. I guess I am not a saint.

I started doing daily affirmations. For awhile, I started feeling silly, like that old Al Franken character (Stuart Smalley?) It's all about true self-esteem.

For me the spiritual discovery came about through over coming the adversity I faced throughout my transition.  Whether or not I could have lived as male and been happy is a true unknown to me.  The only thing I know for sure is that transition has made me a much, much better person than I was.  You're right, it is all about true self-esteem.

  I remember Stuart Smalley!