i've been thinking about it for a while but didn't post because , well , it's not my right to tell other people private things about someone else , , and it's basically none of my business , but i feel obligated to try to help her and since it's all anonymous so here it goes  (still dont feel right though)

so i've known this friend , who identify as a girl, for like 9 years now . and she has alway been complaining about how she wishes that she were born a guy , she hates to be addressed in a feminizing way but yet she's ok with it unless if it was too much
she always says how much she hates the feminine bits of her body , and she has always been getting pretty smaller sports bras almost exclusively and make sure there's nothing apearant of any feminine bits she has ,

and i've never seen anyone acts more stereotypically guyish in every aspect , even hobbies and interests , comments , reactions , etc .i mean even more than a lot of cis-guys and i'm sure she's not acting , that's her being herself , i mean when she acts all girly and soft is when she's pretending/acting
plus we have always been joking about how we should switch bodies and that it would be right if we did since like forever
the thing is , i'm pretty sure she has no idea whatsoever about what GID , trans or whatnot means

so what i'm asking here is , does all this necessarily mean that she's dysphoric? and should i talk to her about it? i mean i kinda already tried to casually approach it (note that i'm not out to her) by just asking her directly like "hey do you actually feel that you are a guy?" she said "no i'm a girl (silent period) i am a girl"
should i do something or that would be like sticking my nose in other's business? i mean even if i suppose she was , sometimes ignorance is a bless especially if it wasnt possible to transition , in the other hand , some people get some sort of closure of resorption by simply knowing what's wrong
any comments?

Hmmmmmmmm.......
Okay, one more time:
Hmmmmmmmm......

That's an interesting situation my dear E.
The question really makes me recall all the babbling about morals, ethics, logics and all that other jazz by which we decide whether or not to do something in others 'best interest' even though we're not sure what 'best interest' that really is...

Reading your post I'm not sure whether your friend is happy or unhappy with their current situation (the text doesn't tell me)... If you think, or better yet: know that they're currently living their life unhappily because of gender related issues then yes you might be able to give a push in the back... But, yup, there's always the risk of being wrong and making things worse yadda-yadda. It's all part of the fun 'Maaaake YOUR Choiceeeeee!' game on the Life Carnaval.

So, what to do?... My best bet is; open up about YOU and they might give you an I. However, I wouldn't start that with a 'Hey btw I'm androgyne'!... More of a 'You know, I once really wished I'd wake up a girl in the morning (blah blah)... I never really discussed it with anyone, I just felt like you'd understand'... Now if you see you friend pick up something heavy then duck because they'll probably launch a 'WTF do you mean YOU think I understand!?'... Then again, it could also go really well..

In the end E, I can't really tell you what option would be the best. Probably no one really can because every response holds bias.. G'luck though.

Quoteopen up about YOU and they might give you an I

lol funny how that option didn't even occur to me , maybe it's because i'm always a "you go first" kind of person 
but seriously thanks , i'll definitely do that (not soon though that would need some preparation)

Quote from: eNTROPY on July 24, 2010, 06:22:05 AM
lol funny how that option didn't even occur to me , maybe it's because i'm always a "you go first" kind of person 
but seriously thanks , i'll definitely do that (not soon though that would need some preparation)

Hehe I'm usually the same way, but I tried that option a few times and found out it works like bliss in the right situation. 

You're always welcome E. Again: good luck. 

I tried the same tactic that No_id suggested with a friend who I thought may have been MTF but didn't want to offend. Essentially I just came out to her and that got her to open up and confess she was MTF.

Even if she wasn't transgender, at least I would have someone to talk to about it.

looks like you've already gotten a satisfactory answer to this question. the only thing I would say is that the "you might relate" could be a little too suggestive. I guess I'm just thinking that the coming out to her would be enough. You've been friends a long time, and if she is FTM I feel like that would be enough to make her feel comfortable coming out to you, and she can do it on her own time. The "you might relate" seems to be asking for an immediate answer, and just coming out is more of a, well now you know, and if you ever feel like discussing anything with me then you know I'm here. But I would go for it. Your close friends, and if she is trans, it will be a nice thing to share. I'm sure it will benefit the both of you.

Another option available is, next time your friend mentions one of the pet irritations, concerns, etc., it's not patently rude to say, "Have you looked into some of the options for tweaking your body chemistry or look?"

The emphasis here isn't on "you might have XYZ problem" but "Every considered some enhancements?"

I agree with just coming out to her, yourself, without implying any ulterior motive. When I came out to a close friend (simply because I wanted her to know), a month later she came out to ME as also being trans but it was not something she ever felt comfortable saying aloud, before. I think it would just open up an opportunity for conversation that can be used if your friend feels like discussing it.

Hmm. Sounds to me like she will come to her own conclusions when the time is right for her.

Quote from: Turtle on July 24, 2010, 04:17:45 PM
Hmm. Sounds to me like she will come to her own conclusions when the time is right for her.

Seconded.

what concerned me that i know she has no idea that there are actually TS people or GID , she only knows that there are IS who sometimes transition ,other than that no clue (same as myself before i run into here)
but anyway , the coming out to her and explaining the whole thing seems like a very good plan , thanks for the inputs