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There is and there will be days that the moon isn't in the right house and we get read.  This is a fact of life.  And what if they do know, it is their problem, not yours.  You still a pretty woman and you are happy with you, that is all that matters.

But you are safe and he is not around.

I can't figure out how people could figure it out...You pass very very well to me and I'd never be able to tell. 

And I second Janet.

That dude was a creep.  If someone follows you like that again, call the cops.

I have to agree with Shang, Jerica.  You look great!!!  The guy was probably a ->-bleeped-<- and guys like that study us like text books!  Sometimes you can't avoid it

Quote from: Jerica on July 25, 2010, 07:36:39 PM

Well the on thing i noticed, which is a give away, is probably adam's apple.  You look great, by the way, i havent seen your body and figure so i cant comment on that, but typically the biggest give aways are adam's apple, and voice, but your voice seems fine.  Also, people who date TS or are admirers know how to spot the signs easier then people who are just average folks walking around.  Most people you see wont focus on your throat will just assume your female, however TS admirers and even other TS will be able to be these characteristics because we notice the same things in our own bodies, well except for the admirers that just plain scare the crap out of me...

You seem to pass relatively well to me. Hope you don't have to deal with any more of those weirdos, and good luck passing in the future.

I think we all have days like this. At times, we can be our own worst critics. Tomorrow is another day.

we all feel that we dont always pass  i do  but have not been sired in 1yr so what other people see is not what you see in the mirror we are to hard on ourselves
hang in there you will know if you have a problem
Bethany

Have to agree with Lukas Gabriel.  I think you really pass.  I've seen plenty of natal women who cannot pass nearly as well as you do. 

I see and hear a woman. You also have very feminine facial expressions while speaking so I can't for the life of me understand how anyone meeting you could 'know'.

i think you pass pretty well, your voice is nice and you make feminine gestures too, maybe the adams apple could be the problem but with your voice, i dont understand how someone wouldnt see you as female

Sorry to hear about that, it does sound frustrating. Based on your video you seem to pass extremely well to me. There are a couple of things that could be at play here. The first is that people who are "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s" or who have known TG/TS people in the past are better at figuring out the signs. The adam's apple is a faster sign but there is also shoulder/back structure, hand size, and other things.

The second possibility which concerns me much more is what I will call "reverse tracing" someone. These and other forums are public. There are people out there who fantasize about us either because they want us sexually or because they hate us. Sadly there are people who have to time to sit at a computer stalking people. They may not even need a log in ID to view certain content on this board and others. This is why I'm even in the process of scanning my old posts on this board and a dozen others and even doing some cleanup if necessary. Revealing a bit of info here and there about yourself online may seem harmless but over the course of hundreds or even thousands of posts people can piece together an awful lot. Something as simple as a picture of you, your first name, and city/state can allow someone to find you.

My solution is to just do what you are doing because I think you are passing extremely well. I will add that you should be extremely careful in asserting your right to be left alone and having good safety habits including being able to defend yourself if needed. Someone following you to that degree especially after it being made clear you wanted to be left alone is taking it to the level of criminal stalking in my opinion. Good luck and stay safe.

I've been trying to trace my lack of self confidence back to a date where it started. When I first came out, I didnt pass nearly as well as I do now and yet I had this huge self confidence, living in my own bubble, assuming that if people knew, it was fine, but they always treated me right, for the most part.

Then my now ex-bf told me that he had seen everyone looking at me at Tully's and he couldn't figure out if they were admiring my beauty or that they knew I was trans.

I think him saying this might have just killed a piece of me inside and I still haven't recovered because I just haven't been the same since.

Solution: I need to get back to a point where I don't care if people read me. Back to a point where I'm ok with being TG. Something I'm still working on and it's frustrating considering I felt like I was there already.

I get people looking at me all the time.  I always chalk it up to being tall, for a woman.  You were right about your bubble.  There is nothing wrong with that bubble.   

The reason they look at you, is that they have never seen a Super Model before.  That's my story and I am sticking to it. 

Forget what he said.  There is a reason he is an ex, remember that.

jerica i think it's good to have the i-don't-care-if-i'm-read kind of mentality, but a better thing to do will be simply have more confidence in yourself. if you are unsure of your gender people will read that, and imho that's the dead giveaway for most ts 90% of the time.

honestly, people come in all shapes and sizes and so long as you don't get outted 50% of the time you are fine! maybe a lil androgenous but still fine! i've met dozens of women who are tall, masculine, flat, have big jaws or adams apple or even faint mostouch, but when they ever got asked by someone curious their reaction will always be anger frustration or just find it plain amusing, but NEVER scared or the oh-no-i'm-read look.

so perhaps you can just rest in the knowlege that you are female. make sense?

An awful aspect of what we (all) have to deal with......Jerica

Is at anytime....no matter how many years into our journey of dealing with a transition....we will occasionally meet folk that do suddenly twig (for many to complex to list reasons)....that maybe we are in some ways a wee bit different from the norms....

In my case.... I'm always extra careful, (wary) around younger-kids, toddler's pre sixers, but ones that are really verbal..... as they have an uncanny ability to catch you out....

And as they are not socialised to be polite and considerate like adults are....(predisposed to kindness if you be settled in your self identity)...... to give you the benefit of the doubt..... they're a great test too....btw.... in lifts (elevators) it can be a killer....lol

But yes.... it will always hurt.....if you get caught out.....and the worse aspect is even if it becomes a very rare incident indeed..... it will always make you wince....

But laughter is a great tool for everything!

And trust in the kind, thoughtful and attractive person you be.....your video proves that beyond doubt to me....

Believe in that.....

Quote from: Jerica on August 18, 2010, 10:31:20 AM
I've been trying to trace my lack of self confidence back to a date where it started. When I first came out, I didnt pass nearly as well as I do now and yet I had this huge self confidence, living in my own bubble, assuming that if people knew, it was fine, but they always treated me right, for the most part.

Then my now ex-bf told me that he had seen everyone looking at me at Tully's and he couldn't figure out if they were admiring my beauty or that they knew I was trans.

I think him saying this might have just killed a piece of me inside and I still haven't recovered because I just haven't been the same since.

Solution: I need to get back to a point where I don't care if people read me. Back to a point where I'm ok with being TG. Something I'm still working on and it's frustrating considering I felt like I was there already.

I was the same way, i didnt know why people were looking at me and i hated it, but for the most part i didnt care.  Eventually people stopped looking or i just didnt notice it anymore either way i was happy, but now that i have a fiance i worry again, but not for what people will think of me, more for what people think of him.

I've been dating the same chap since 2006, and I've never disclosed my past to him...

In all this time there's never been a single incident when things could have turned tricky for  me....or embarrassing for him....even when with the doddery elements of my deeply catholic family....

In fact I think holding hands with an obvious tall, dark handsome....hetero alpha male type actually gives you added legitimacy.... and as I'm the right build, hair/eye colour type and genetic mix too.... many folk we meet (like when away on holiday)...think his kids are naturally mine...

Which legitimises me further...as a mother.

But I am 24yrs+ HRT and 18yrs post SRS...

So don't you girls on just a few years in be too hard on yersleves....you will get there....with persistence, dogged determination and a healthy bratitude...

*s->-bleeped-<-s*

So stick with it kids....

And if your fiancé loves you fully for the person you be, Izumi rather than just the ever more beautiful woman you're becoming.... then he be already plenty well enough adjusted to handle any dumb redneck jock comments that might come his way....

Especially if you always handle yourself with dignity....

And there is absolutely no shame in what you're both doing....

Quote from: Jerica on August 18, 2010, 10:31:20 AM
Then my now ex-bf told me that he had seen everyone looking at me at Tully's and he couldn't figure out if they were admiring my beauty or that they knew I was trans.
I think him saying this might have just killed a piece of me inside and I still haven't recovered because I just haven't been the same since.
Solution: I need to get back to a point where I don't care if people read me. Back to a point where I'm ok with being TG. Something I'm still working on and it's frustrating considering I felt like I was there already.

if you go for a day trip by yourself to a town where you are not known and wander round the shops, pop in the library, museum, coffee shops and restaurants and meet and talk to people exactly like the women you feel you are and what we see you are and if they all call you a drag queen your ex-bf was right.  but I - and the rest of us - think that you could walk round a strange town all afternoon and be taken for an attractive young woman.  Have you tried this?

Now I found out focusing on ourself assurance instead of caring others, and be proud of who I am, special proud of being a transgender really help me to become much relaxed, confident and nature as a normal woman in public, and that somehow lead to better passable to me.

I hope my second trache shave sugery next month can help me to pass, special I can raise my head higher  

My therapist suggest me to do some dating to buildup my confidence (without telling them my T before the relationship get into emotional). Will that works?  I hope so, but I am scared now.