hmm...interesting.  i reserve my definition of "stealth" for people who live their lives passing themselves off as something they are not.  if they feel they're something other than woman.  iow deceptive, lying, malevolent, not female, then they're "stealth".

Quote from: Hannah on October 31, 2009, 01:39:16 PM
To me it means quietly blending into society.

The best answer in the entire thread, I lived in stealth and was happy, was only unhappy when I was outed or my history became an issue.
Now Im getting married to a guy and his family doesn't know my history, just a woman with a history in the distance past.
p

Quote from: Hannah on October 31, 2009, 01:39:16 PM
To me it means quietly blending into society.

I couldn't agree more with this and Pauline. I hate when others put down ''stealth'' or people that do live stealth, like I do and am very happy. stealth is possible, it's not about hiding one self, it's about just living your life as the person you wanted to for years not putting a 'label'' on yourself.

Personally I think trying to be actively stealthy is tantamount to sticking yourself in a paranoid box similar to the one that was occupied when you were living in denial of who you were. Constantly watching yourself and others, terrified of being found out...that's not an existence I want to live.

it's always the people who couldn't live stealth if they tried, JEALOUS of those who can. thats why so many people are against it DON'T HATE

Quote from: TheDutchess on August 01, 2010, 05:46:35 PM
it's always the people who couldn't live stealth if they tried, JEALOUS of those who can. thats why so many people are against it DON'T HATE

I beg to differ. I don't hate at all, but I do think it is the wrong thing to do.

In 30 years believe me when I tell you I've done both approaches, and successfully too. As a matter of fact I've done stealth twice. Once right at the start of my postop period the other more recently.

The second time I went stealth I had just buried my last living close relative and moved to a different part of the country so there was little to out me.

At the time I even got away with it to the point that most of our neighbours (many of whom Alison had chosen to tell about herself) were saying how nice it was that I was so accepting of Alison!

Alison is a SAINT for having put up with all that for nearly a decade, during which I was honestly believed by almost all of the neighbours, as Ali herself will confirm, to be her CIS ex-wife or partner.

That must have been utterly galling for her and it didn't make me happy at all, but she never once complained. She just let me do what I wanted, and she did what she believed was right, which was to loyally go along with the deception whilst being honest about herself. Heck I was a bastard... I even thought about leaving her once or twice - fearful that she might eventually "give me away".

That alone made me feel bad, and in my experience it does indeed become a paranoic state to live in... but that is said not to hate, but merely in the spirit of sharing my genuine experience and hoping that some may learn from it and avoid making the same mistakes that I did.

Just about the only positive thing that came out of the whole thing was the PRICELESS look on our neighbour Tania's face when I finally fessed up. She was gobsmacked and at first she thought I meant that I was wanting to be an FtM - that one moment was fun. The rest of those ten years was kind of sad actually.

It's not jealousy or even hatred...it's just realism on my part and not about my ability to pass, it's about the state of mind that I feel being actively stealthy and maintaining a deception creates. I've spent most of my life maintaining one deception and by the end, I barely knew who I was and was close to suicide. I honestly do not want to put myself through that again. If that's what works for you then it works for you, but I will not escape one lie just to live another.

Which is not to say I will wear a badge saying "Trans and Proud" I'll just treat it as part of me and get on with my life.

Stealth to me means being able to live, work, socialize with friends and just enjoy life without the worry of being outed, stared at, insulted or suffer violence.
Thank god I've been in this fortunate position for almost 20 years. The only people who know my past is one old friend and my family who all live back in England. In my new adopted country my past is not known, and I have a high profile job too, I travel extensively and meet many people. I don't believe I'm deceiving anyone, I'm just taking advantage of the fact that I'm able to do this.
I would not be able to cope were it not this way. I also think that people who are against stealth are people who are not able to live it.

Don't forget that the real definition of stealth is that it does not show up on radar.  It's not like if a stealth plane was flying overhead you could not look up and say "Fark!  It's an airplane."

Quote from: Saskia on August 02, 2010, 12:43:16 PM
I also think that people who are against stealth are people who are not able to live it.

But Saskia - with respect, to me, that is PATENTLY incorrect. I can live stealth. I've proved it comprehensively over an extended period twice in my 30 years since transition. I just reached a point where I CHOSE not to do so for my own reasons, but nobody forced me out of it, and like Helena says, I'm not walking around advertising. In fact if you met me IRL you might say that I effectively was in stealth... For me it's more an attitude of mind.

Now call me a liar about that by all means, I am not going to be offended, you are entitled to your view, but as you don't know me, it's a difficult thing for either of us to prove one way of another. That's why I tend to try and avoid threads like this, because all of us can only speak from our own experiences.

My friends would tell you that I can live stealth. You may choose to doubt that. Neither of us can control the others perceptions. So it follows that neither of us can be said to be wrong - just different.

rejennyrated - Yes those are my views and others are entitled to theirs. We are all different.
I could not envisage not being stealth. It would destroy me.
When I first came out I remained at the same company for about 2 years after, and I hated the different dynamic introduced by my being open about my status. I could not do as you have done and be open about it. I am a very private person and would never talk to friends about my past since it would change things. I hope to continue my stealthy life till I breath my last breath.

More and more... this is exactly what my ideas are, regarding stealth, etc.

Quote from: Northern Jane on October 17, 2009, 03:24:05 AM
I see "stealth" as an intermediate step between "passing" and assimilation.

"Passing" is (in my perception) when you are deliberately creating a false impression. I.E. your male, a guy, but passing as female on a superficial level (appearance, mannerisms, voice) and you know you are male. It is a put-on, an act.

"Stealth" (to me) is more like you have had SRS, you believe you are a woman and act like a woman most of the time but you have this dirty little secret that you are slipping by everyone, except maybe those you feel need to know.

Beyond that is assimilation. You are so totally and completely integrated into womanhood that there is nothing else, anything else is incomprehensible - it is all just easy and natural all the time.

Quote from: Luv2Dance on August 02, 2010, 04:27:30 PM
More and more... this is exactly what my ideas are, regarding stealth, etc.

Quote from: Northern Jane on October 17, 2009, 03:24:05 AM
I see "stealth" as an intermediate step between "passing" and assimilation.

"Passing" is (in my perception) when you are deliberately creating a false impression. I.E. your male, a guy, but passing as female on a superficial level (appearance, mannerisms, voice) and you know you are male. It is a put-on, an act.

"Stealth" (to me) is more like you have had SRS, you believe you are a woman and act like a woman most of the time but you have this dirty little secret that you are slipping by everyone, except maybe those you feel need to know.

Beyond that is assimilation. You are so totally and completely integrated into womanhood that there is nothing else, anything else is incomprehensible - it is all just easy and natural all the time.

This is a good definition. I always hated the term "passing", because as it is used it just seems like a synonym for pretending, or passing yourself off as something you're really not. I don't care anymore about stealth or any of those cloak and dagger terms. I am merely becoming integrated into my outward life as the woman I've always been. I know I'm a woman from the inside out, and so does everyone I come into contact with- there's no question in any of our minds.   I think it eventually becomes the full realization that you are now the right side out version of who you've always been on the inside, especially once you're cured. Some further thoughts on this point of view are in this thread: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,70287.msg497941.html#msg497941

I have nothing to hide, pass, or be stealth about. But I also don't feel the compelling need to go around bragging to everyone I meet about the birth defect I used to have between my legs either. It's a completely different mindset which transcends being "trans" anything.

Quote from: FairyGirl on August 03, 2010, 01:10:59 PM

This is a good definition. I always hated the term "passing", because as it is used it just seems like a synonym for pretending, or passing yourself off as something you're really not. I don't care anymore about stealth or any of those cloak and dagger terms. I am merely becoming integrated into my outward life as the woman I've always been. I know I'm a woman from the inside out, and so does everyone I come into contact with- there's no question in any of our minds.   I think it eventually becomes the full realization that you are now the right side out version of who you've always been on the inside, especially once you're cured. Some further thoughts on this point of view are in this thread: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,70287.msg497941.html#msg497941

I have nothing to hide, pass, or be stealth about. But I also don't feel the compelling need to go around bragging to everyone I meet about the birth defect I used to have between my legs either. It's a completely different mindset which transcends being "trans" anything.

I CON CURRRRRRR LADFIES!!!!!BRAVO!!!!

My definition of stealth is when you know you are and stop talking and bitching about it day in and day out.