Getting top surgery Feb 13, so I guess I've got to do this soon. In fact I'm probably telling my boss today. I'm just scared to death, no idea how it's gonna go over. I work at an oil refinery, it's a real macho-man type of environment - which I am, but I'm gay, too - it doesn't help matters. I love my job and don't want to lose it. But I can't continue on being seen as female. Guess I'm just looking for some words of support, 'cause I've got precious little here in the "real" world.

Jesse,

I've come out to my boss and one friend at work.

I dont really have any tips or anything because my work are just as wierd as i am so we accept each other a lot more easily. But it maybe be best to check over your works policies 1st in case you haven't done. Susan also has a great page on here about coming out at work that you might wana read.

https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Guide_to_Coming_Out_at_the_Workplace

Jesse, you handsome man you! 

If you have an HR department, I'd go talk with them before you tell anyone else.  There are legal considerations for the company you work for and they will appreciate it if you work through them.  Everything should go a bit smoother for you.  I can see that you shouldn't have any problem in passing.

Cindi

Congrats on the top surgery man. And you look great too.

Welcome to the site and feel free to jump into any discussions. Support is one thing we have tons of here.

Dennis

Quote from: Cindianna_Jones on November 22, 2006, 07:35:07 AM
Jesse, you handsome man you! 

If you have an HR department, I'd go talk with them before you tell anyone else.  There are legal considerations for the company you work for and they will appreciate it if you work through them.  Everything should go a bit smoother for you.  I can see that you shouldn't have any problem in passing.

Cindi

Jesse I completely agree with Cindi.  Working with your HR dept is the best way to go.  It will go a lot smoother if you both a part of the decisions on the issues that will need to be addressed.  It may be a pain and it may delay your coming out, but from personal experience it was well worth it.

Love the hair and it's too bad that you are gay as I wouldn't mind hanging onto your arm. 

Steph

Very nice lookin'. I wish ye luck, and send good spirits to ward off the evil pink slips. 

Hey thanks all for the advice (& compliments). I wound up telling my boss I'm getting surgery but not what kind (I was planning to, but was I so nervous, and he seemed so professionally disinterested I lost my nerve: if he'd shown any curiousity I might've blurted it out, but his whole attitude suggested he'd rather not know). But I have to come out sometime soon. I'm starting Lupron in December, and T after the surgery, and getting ID sex changed after surgery. I know my company has a good discrimation policy, it's just the individuals' reactions I'm concerned about. I'm not so worried about getting fired as I am getting driven out by people being jerks. I guess I'll go to HR first. And then maybe approach my coordinator, I happen to know he's at least trans-tolerant because a friend of his came out as trans and they're still friends, although he still refers to her as "he" which makes me uncomfortable, as she's been living full-time as female for some time now. But I know he'll at least be accepting and curious rather than confused and/or angry, and then I'll take it from there.

Hello Jesse,
   Everyone's right, you are looking good. I agree with you about not telling your boss what type of surgery. I always have felt the less people know about my personal life the better.
  I am curious though...is the job really worth it?
  After the surgery and you begin T, the "real" you will become more defined. You will feel great, look great and most people would never know your personal story...unless you choose to share it.
   Why not start fresh, new name, new life, new YOU?
Find a positive, encouraging environment. What have you dreamed of doing? How much do you want to make? Set some goals because once you are "FREE" to be YOU.....then sky's the limit. Watch all the good things that start happening.
   I have never had to "come out". Since I was young, most people assumed I was a male when they met me. Sorry I can't share any advice with that. As I said before though, I feel the less people know about our type of situation, the better. Its challenging enough for me to live with.
  Press on toward the goal, brother. I look forward to hearing more of your journey. I would love to be scheduled for top surgery soon too. I just haven't done enough research to find a doctor in my area. You have encouraged me to press on. Thank you.

Jesse, you said you work in an oil refinery.  I work construction but from what I've seen an oil refinery is at least if not more macho than construction.  That means you are one tough dude, especially considering they think you're female. 

That you're worried is understandable but you need to focus on the strength that helped you cope in such a tough environment.  Who knows, maybe you don't think it's tough.  That only means you are even tougher.  Take that and use it. 

One thing people use against us, in order to prove their convictions, is our uncertainty.  If you come across as timid or nervous or unsure of yourself people will sense that.  Be strong.  You know what you want.  Why let anyone intimidate you from reaching your goals?  Go for it!  It's yours if you want it.

Julie

Quote from: Christopher on November 27, 2006, 05:35:25 AM
Hello Jesse,
   Everyone's right, you are looking good. I agree with you about not telling your boss what type of surgery. I always have felt the less people know about my personal life the better.
  I am curious though...is the job really worth it?
  After the surgery and you begin T, the "real" you will become more defined. You will feel great, look great and most people would never know your personal story...unless you choose to share it.
   Why not start fresh, new name, new life, new YOU?
Find a positive, encouraging environment. What have you dreamed of doing? How much do you want to make? Set some goals because once you are "FREE" to be YOU.....then sky's the limit. Watch all the good things that start happening.
   I have never had to "come out". Since I was young, most people assumed I was a male when they met me. Sorry I can't share any advice with that. As I said before though, I feel the less people know about our type of situation, the better. Its challenging enough for me to live with.
  Press on toward the goal, brother. I look forward to hearing more of your journey. I would love to be scheduled for top surgery soon too. I just haven't done enough research to find a doctor in my area. You have encouraged me to press on. Thank you.

I really love my job. I guess not really "love", but as far as past jobs go. . . yeah. I really enjoy the work. I like most of my co-workers. I really like a few of my co-workers. All this is way more than I can say for any of my previous jobs. And before I started here I didn't have nearly enough for top surgey: in just over a year, I have more than twice the money I need. Plus, it's only about a fifteen minute drive from my home. In NJ, this is way more than I'd ever hope to ask for. So I really very much would like to stay. This is the only job in my whole life I've actually truly not f'ing hated (been a cashier, baker, warehouse worker, soldier in U.S. Army, trucker). I dropped out my third semester college and no intention going back so this is probably it for me. Could maybe find another oil refinery job around but this close? In a laid back-type environment like this? People I actually get on with? I dunno. I really hope my transition goes over well and I'm not forced to leave.

Belated congrats on the surgery and with moving forward with everything else.  Coming out to an employer can be a scary thing.  I met one FTM who worked construction and he said that he did not have any issues at all.  A bunch of questions but no issues with anyone.

Good luck. 

Stick it out Jesse, it'll go ok most likely. Especially in a mostly male work environment. Guys seem to have less trouble with the idea of FtM, especially when it's someone they hadn't slotted into their category for "female" anyway. And I wouldn't be surprised with the way you look if they hadn't already slotted you into the "one of the guys" category in their minds.

I had absolutely no problem at work or in the community and I find that men are much better at the pronouns than women. Some women still mess it up after a year and a half.

Dennis

Hey dude. I'm Brady. Glad to have found another gay guy like me. Hope every thing works out, lemme know how it goes.

Hey Jesse,
   Do you mind sharing where you are going for your surgery? I didn't realize you lived so close to me. I am very interested in your experience. As I said before, you have inspired me to press on for it this year. Thanks again,