Hey Friends!

I've been lurking on this board for months now, and I want to thank you all for all the posts that you write -- so many people are reading this board that you don't even know about (like myself)!

Anyway, I want to start HRT to become more feminine, but I'm hesitant because of all I hear about it is how much it "rewires your brain." Exactly how much does it change your "self"?

I like who I am now. I am pretty hyper and do standup comedy. I am a pretty quick thinker and like how my mind works.

How much will HRT change that? Will I change not only genders, but but parts of my personality? What has been your experience in this regard during and after HRT?

Thanks so much in advance!

Jen

HRT should not be expected to make you less of a quick thinker, should not rob you of your quirk and humor.

However, that there are mental & emotional changes seems to be sufficiently universal to be expected.

Increase testosterone levels, and hypermasculine behavior can manifest. Certain estrogens associate with acute emotional volatility in many people, as can be seen in some women during monthly cycles.

When I started on spiro & estradiol valerate, I calmed down dramatically, rapidly developed a sophisticated ability to handle my emotional states, and quit taking Lexapro after a couple of months because I didn't like it any more.

The physician primarily responsible for oversight of my treatment remains fascinated that I do not report mood changes & such, which he has come to expect from other M2F patients of his.

It seems unlikely that you will, should you opt for HRT, lose that which makes you "you". And if you try it but don't like the effects, you can just plain quit during the first months and go back to the drawing board.

You may become more emotional regarding various issues, but if your already a person of quick wit and good timing with it... That is not likely to change much... If anything it may improve

I have definatly been rewired in the last 9 months. For the better. I am still me but improved. I am not an ass or a hermit anymore. I am happy to be in social situations now were as before I avoided people like the plague.
I do cry easier and I am definatly more emotional. But of course I am, this is a second puberty. lol
Yes it will change you. All part of the process as was already stated by Dee.
You will still be you, just somewhat diferant.

Hormones change EVERYTHING.

What everyone said here is true to varying degrees with all MTFs who go through HRT. I think that one thing that we can all attest to is the amazing power that hormones have to effect change in the human body. After several months of continuous use, estrogen will have changed structures in your brain to a female configuration permanently. To Transsexuals, HRT is probably the most rewarding and empowering experience of our lives... It's like a second adolescence where we rediscover ourselves as what and who we were supposed to be from the beginning. Hormones are part of what makes a person a person.... when you change them, it's impossible to say exactly what changes will happen or to what degree.
  If you want to start taking estrogen (and antiandrogens) to make you more feminine, it will do exactly that, guaranteed. It will change the shape of your face, cause your breasts to grow, change the texture of your skin, how you smell and the contour of your body. To some, it can even effect your sexual preference. As you slowly change, you'll also be changing the way others perceive you.... to many, this can be the most challenging aspect of transition of all.
  You have to ask yourself if you really want all this....  If you are Transsexual, HRT is nothing short of miraculous but if you're not, (maybe you're one of the many brands of non-TS Transgendered) you might be getting more than you bargained for. I don't know you or how much of what you like about your personality is tied to your male persona but if there are things you really like about, "him," you should continue (or start) therapy to figure out if transition and/or HRT is really for you. I've NEVER met, talked to or even heard of a true Transsexual that was hesitant about starting HRT.... The fact that you're not sure should be telling you something.

There are no absolutes with HRT, I can tell you that I don't feel like its had a major change to my personality, but at the same time, I have a lot of trouble remembering how I thought prior to HRT. I kinda don't want to remember my life before who I am now.

The odd thing about both ends of HRT - estrogen and testosterone, is that they seem to have similar effects on both mtf and ftm transsexuals. T has calmed me down quite a bit while mtfs often report that it made them volatile. I get the same calming, everything's roses effects from T that girls often report with E. So maybe it's not so much the differences between the two as a matter of one being the right 'drug' for certain brains and vice versa.

I had the same doubts as you before going on HRT. I'm the same personality, just more balanced. The biggest differences I notice are more mechanical like things such as my tear ducts just don't open on command like before and I'm not quite as good at multitasking in certain ways as before.

One thing to keep in mind concerning personality is that transition will change how that personality is received by others. The same personality in the form of a female seems different in a male. Different aspects of your personality will be more notable than before while others will fade from the spotlight.

I feel I can comment a bit on this, I'm not even two weeks on hrt yet, but there are very slight changes in the way I do things that I didn't even notice that my girlfriend points out.

For starters, I automatically pick up after myself now. I know that might sound weird, but it's a change that I don't think about. I also can cry. I don't get overly emotional yet, but if something bothers me a bit, where before I'd just get mad and bury it, I don't find the anger build the same. I guess the only way I know how to express it is now when I get mad it's like a cold heat, where before it was a raging inferno. If that makes any sense.

I also find I get jealous now where before I never did. This could be because I came out to my girlfriend and now I'm worried she's going to leave me today, but it just feels different then the way I felt jealousy before.

I sleep a lot easier, deeper and more.

I can smell better, or maybe I'm just more aware of smell?

I still am just as quick of wit, I have a razor sharp tongue that is sharper now if anything.

From a sexual standpoint, I don't enjoy the male role at ALL anymore in bed. This may have NOTHING to do with hrt, I've always found men and women equally attractive, but now there is 0 sexual attraction to my girlfriend or any other girl. Again this could be a mental switch simply from finally accepting and embracing the woman I was meant to be.

I'm a lot more patient, and a lot less demanding.

I'm EXTREMELY sarcastic now tho, I always have been but it was easy to keep it in check, at least at work. Now I feel like a 13 year old girl responding to an adult.  Them - "Can I have a box."
Me - eyes rolled because his wife just said no, "Sshhu-Uure!"

Things of that nature.

I still am not overly fond of cats, I think ->-bleeped-<-zu's are ugly and don't understand why anyone would want a hairless anything for a pet.

I don't know if any of this will change, I am unsure what other things may or may not appear in the next few weeks.

I can say right now my skin is definitely softer, and my nipples have grown VERY slightly.

Other then that, not a lot of changes that I can tell besides I feel SO much more relaxed and calm now. Again, unsure if it's the hormones or the fact that I'm FINALLY moving forward and fixing this rather then bury it.

Not sure if this helps any but there's where I'm currently sitting at on day 11 or 12 of hormones.

I'm really REALLY looking forward to the next two weeks and hopefully starting to actually develop!

Gabby

PS I also should add that I'm also a lot less competitive now. I don't HAVE to win anymore. I'm also less aggressive. Oh, and I am weaker. I am still stronger then my girlfriend is, but she can notice a change in the amount of force I use to win when we wrestle around. Maybe that's just because I'm becoming more gentle but I don't know

you may find that HRT makes your standup comedy more funny to female audiences...and it pees off more guys...so you may find it easier to get bookings in some places.  take care.   

My intellect and wit or sense of humor have not changed. I have the same interests as before I like Technology, Sewing, Art, Biology. And I'm just as capable as I was before. in the short term when just exposed to E I did experience some fuzzy headedness but it passed as my brain acclimatized

Emotionally Some changes My depression has been reduced significantly to the point where I've not self harmed at all since starting I have alot more confidence and am alot more social. Some changes with expression of negative emotions... before with T i'd get sad and aggressive... Or I would get frightened and aggressive. now I just get sad or frightened without that aggressive edge... Although I can still just feel anger especially when I'm due my estrogen shot, My competitiveness has reduced significantly not that I was very competitive before. I also cry easier although I think this might be psychosomatic. my gender dysphoria has switched from a constant ache to a bipolar switchy type some days I feel like a normal girl other days I still get torn on my body.

Libido has changed, I have got some interest in guys where I didn't really before. Also my sex drive is barely 1/5th of what it was.

Oh yeah I agree with gabrielle your sense of smell and taste change... You can smell guys more and become sensitive to there pheromones, My desired foods changed too...

I hate chocolate now. I used to love it.
I don't like potatoes much. I liked them
I hate bananas I used to love them.
Not so keen on milk anymore I use to drink it all the time.

I love Lemons. I wasn't a fan before.
I love gummy sour sweets. I was fine with them before
I love Mayonnaise. didn't like it much.

Wow, thank you all so much for such informative replies. I'm beyond thankful. And it makes me feel a lot better about hormones.

I obviously have a lot of thinking and questioning to do before starting HRT.

But, seriously, thanks for everyones reply. It means a lot.

If anyone else wants to chime in, go for it. Thanks again.

Hi Jen

The only thing I wish to add is... Welcome to Susan's 

Hey pebbles;
my sense of smell has sharpened and some of my tastes in food have also changed.
my vison is not better but i seem to have a better resolution is the only way I can explain it
All the sensory changes happened in the first month.

I used to really not be a fan of anything pickled...now I have to get an almost daily dose of peppercinis and olives.

I have to admit, I'm a little less focused than I used to be mentally. I have to get inspired now for it to happen, but I was pretty OCD before lol hrt kind of subdued it.

I used to always need space and I didn't like feeling cozy it felt suffocating, now I sleep with pillows all around me, on top of me etc...and I can't get enough cuddling

I've been on hormones for a few months shy of a year, and I've noticed a lot of differences.

I have mad cravings for vinegar or anything with vinegar in it, and I suddenly like pretzels.

Also, I find my ability to work on projects has increased. I can work a lot longer and harder on them. I also feel a lot less insecure-I don't let people walk all over me in conversations. It could be that I just feel more confident with talking in general, though, because my voice is now much deeper.