I've been thinking a lot about this, and I don't know what to do tbh.

My mom already knows, and she didn't take it well at all.

I'm already seeing a therapist, but she says that I should wait until we can arrange things up and come up with a plan because, the situation is complicated.

You see, my father doesn't live with us (in fact, he has a new family and everything, but they seem to accept me, he introduced me to his family back in 2006 and recognized me as his son), and as far as I know from my mom, he's a conservative man (which I'm doubting since he's been very supportive with his stepdaughter).

Anyway, I really need to tell him, but not only that, I also wanna find a way to get his support. If I can do that, my transition would be WAY much easier for me, let' just say that he knows a lot of people and he has the resources to completely support me with my transition if he said yes.

So, IDK what to do tbh, just the idea of coming out to him and being rejected scares the hell out of me, I'd be risking way too much by doing this but, if I don't tell him, I won't be able to transition early in a safe way.

I know that there could be other ways to get this done, and that my therapist can help me a lot since she's been too supportive with me and she knows a lot of people that might be able to help me if something goes wrong but, I'd like him to give me a hand. It's more likely that my mom will kick me out of the house once I re-come out to her, it would mean a lot to me so...

What do I do? How do I do this? There has to be a way to get his support :/

Discuss

I think the right time and place is very important. So maybe you can go for a walk with him, or make sure you both are alone for a little while. Just tell him, you'd like to talk to him alone, maybe he can make time. You could go for a walk in the park or something. Go have some icecream or whatever.
I don't know if you want to dress like a woman or liek a man. Like a man would probably be safe, since you wantg to get him to know step by step. I guess being confronted with your now-daughter can be a little too much, for starters.

About the coming out part, what to say, everybody handles that different. What works for me is asking people if they have heard about men and women that feel born in the wrong body and then do something against that. Then I drop that I feel that way too. If they listen to me, I explain a few things about transgender. You should really mention the therapist, I think this proves you serious. And then you should tell him, how much you would like his support in this. You can also start by telling him, that your gonna tell him something huge and you need him to be very sensitive about it (that worked on a friend of mine who often talks before she thinks).

btw: if this is you on the picture, you totally pass. Very beautiful.

how old are you?  is your Mom's plan to wait in the hopes it never will happen?
if you're very young and at school and financially dependent on Mom and possibly Dad things could get delayed a while.
But then if you are home alone with Mom at least you don't an angry Dad to face if he doesn't like the idea of you transitioning.
Your situaqtion is one where you need input from a psychiatrits or therapist before you come out any further.  If you've had the go-ahead from a therapist then go-ahead regardless of whetehr Dad will like it as to not go ahead will give you the mental anguish of a wasted life.

Quote from: Iceprincess on August 06, 2010, 12:46:09 AM
I've been thinking a lot about this, and I don't know what to do tbh.

My mom already knows, and she didn't take it well at all.

I'm already seeing a therapist, but she says that I should wait until we can arrange things up and come up with a plan because, the situation is complicated.

You see, my father doesn't live with us (in fact, he has a new family and everything, but they seem to accept me, he introduced me to his family back in 2006 and recognized me as his son), and as far as I know from my mom, he's a conservative man (which I'm doubting since he's been very supportive with his stepdaughter).

Anyway, I really need to tell him, but not only that, I also wanna find a way to get his support. If I can do that, my transition would be WAY much easier for me, let' just say that he knows a lot of people and he has the resources to completely support me with my transition if he said yes.

So, IDK what to do tbh, just the idea of coming out to him and being rejected scares the hell out of me, I'd be risking way too much by doing this but, if I don't tell him, I won't be able to transition early in a safe way.

I know that there could be other ways to get this done, and that my therapist can help me a lot since she's been too supportive with me and she knows a lot of people that might be able to help me if something goes wrong but, I'd like him to give me a hand. It's more likely that my mom will kick me out of the house once I re-come out to her, it would mean a lot to me so...

What do I do? How do I do this? There has to be a way to get his support :/

Discuss

Any dad that abandons their child to start a family somewhere else and make new kids, isnt really a dad, more of a sperm donor in my book.  If you goals in meeting him are pure in that you want a relationship with him thats one thing, but are you forming this relationship for financial gain, it probably wont work out for you the way you plan.  Did your dad stay with you when you grew up or did he just leave?

Just to clear some things up:

1) I just turned 18 last week
2) I am financially dependant on my father, he actually pays for all of my needs, when it comes to money, he IS a very responsible person, specially with his family, which, thankfully, I am part of .
3) My parents never got married. Long story made short: they were lovers, she got pregnant and he got married with another woman, but he started to really take care of us and support us financially since 2002.
4) The house we (me and my mom) live right now, legally belongs to my father. If the didn't care about us, he would have kicked us out, don't you think?

I need his financial support, he is a person who can pay for all that and more if he wanted to without any problem. He might seem like the bad guy because he didn't educate me but, the fact that he introduced me to his family and recognized me as his son, means a lot IMO. Not every man would do that, it requires courage.

Also, I had the chance to hang out with his family during a family trip last January, I met his wife, and she met me, we got to know each other more deeply and I think we're cool, at least she treated me fine and I though she was a very nice person.

I might lose my mom, but I don't care. I won't force her to love me, I want to transition ASAP.

Quote from: Iceprincess on August 06, 2010, 01:35:44 PM
Just to clear some things up:

1) I just turned 18 last week
2) I am financially dependant on my father, he actually pays for all of my needs, when it comes to money, he IS a very responsible person, specially with his family, which, thankfully, I am part of .
3) My parents never got married. Long story made short: they were lovers, she got pregnant and he got married with another woman, but he started to really take care of us and support us financially since 2002.
4) The house we (me and my mom) live right now, legally belongs to my father. If the didn't care about us, he would have kicked us out, don't you think?

I need his financial support, he is a person who can pay for all that and more if he wanted to without any problem. He might seem like the bad guy because he didn't educate me but, the fact that he introduced me to his family and recognized me as his son, means a lot IMO. Not every man would do that, it requires courage.

Also, I had the chance to hang out with his family during a family trip last January, I met his wife, and she met me, we got to know each other more deeply and I think we're cool, at least she treated me fine and I though she was a very nice person.

I might lose my mom, but I don't care. I won't force her to love me, I want to transition ASAP.

I know it sounds harsh but its more like hes atoning for a mistake he made then being a father.  He is doing it out of guilt not love, there is a difference.  Love would have tear a father from a child, i mean if i adopted a child, that is MY child, i would fight to the death to protect that child from harm, and would never leave. 

Your father if i am reading correctly, left, is raising some other kids with someone other then your mom, and is paying both of you in loo of actually being a man and much more so a dad, and take responsibility and be a father. 

You are accepting money because that is the only thing he really gives you.... ask yourself, if he didnt have money would you still want a relationship with him? and if he didnt have money to spare, do you think he would want anything to do with you?

I am not telling you what to do or how to feel, i am just telling you how i feel, most likely he will just give you the money, so why not ask for it.  If he really cared he would have wanted to spend as much time as he could being a dad to you.... 

but doesnt it seem interesting that the parent that did stand by you, you can easily say you can do without.. why because she has no money? was she a good mom?

I wonder if this whole thing could have messed you up ways you cant even imagine, where in your mind money = love.... 

Thats just an outside observation, you do what you think is right.  At age 18, i left the house, i didn't need my family to take care of me, i took care of myself...

Truth be told, if i grew up the same way, i would have probably taken the money too.  So dont feel so bad if what i said hurts a bit.  I am sorry.

Quote from: Iceprincess

I might lose my mom, but I don't care. I won't force her to love me, I want to transition ASAP.
/quote]
poor Mum...well good luck with whatever you decide

I need to explain the situation with my mother:

She's the person I love the most in my life. No one has ever sacrificed so much for me and has helped me so much. I really appreciate and respect her.

However, if I transition, which I really hope I can achieve it, it's more likely that she will reject me if I "become a freak" (because that's what trans people are in her eyes). So I fall into a dilemma here: me or my mother?

Why do I have to choose only one of the things that mean the most for me?

Then again, Why am I supposed to allow her to reject me? It's the dilemma here, what am I supposed to do when I can only choose between the ones I love and my deepest dreams I'm trying to forge? It's like, a forced selfishness. It seems like if we're forced to walk alone for the rest of our lives just because of the fact that we were born with the wrong body and we're trying to fix it.

It's going to hurt me way too much to leave her, but I ask you people, if you had to choose between your transition, and the people you love, what would  you choose? In the end, if you chose your transition, you would be selfish but, is that selfishness justified? Now, if you choose your family... what happens with you and your dreams?

Who of you really want to lose your friends and family to be in the sex you wish?

IMO it seems like life likes to play dirty pranks on people most of the time

BTW: For me, money is NOT equals to love. Unfortunately my father doesn't seems to know how to give love, so I take what I can get from him.

EDIT: It doesn't matter anyway, according to my therapist, I'll have to wait at least a year before I can get HRT and, she strongly recommends me to not come out yet so, pfft.

One more year wasted living as a boy.

EDIT 2: Now that I think about it more carefully, this should motivate me more to focus my time on other things I need to attend, some that are related to my transition (like training my voice and losing weight) and others that are more related with my education.

I'm not going to give up, I decided to give this a second chance, and it's not going to be for nothing. They say that the things that are worth it in this life deserve patience, right? Well, this is the time to prove it and show what I'm made of. I'm not going to give up, family or not, I've fought too much for this dream and I'm going to do the best I can and more. I'm focused, stronger and more motivated. I AM going to succeed no matter what!

Quote from: Iceprincess on August 07, 2010, 10:49:40 AM
Who of you really want to lose your friends and family to be in the sex you wish?

I too had a close relationship with my mother, but if it came down to it I would have had to lose everyone. The logic was that if I could not be loved for who I knew myself to be, then I knew they were not really loving ME. Instead they would only have loved their own fantasy of who they wanted me to be, and as I wasn't that person, the love would be unsatisfying and tainted.

In actual fact I never had to face that issue because I came out so early in life that by the time I did it for real most everyone was simply waiting for it to happen.

My experience in life however is that people often have two attitudes, the one which they CLAIM they would have when a problem is a distant and non real possibility, and the one they DO have when suddenly to their surprise the problem is up close and personal.

For some people the two are the same, but many people who have a very harsh theoretical attitude to "freaks" or whatever, suddenly change their tune when it's a member of their own family. It's almost as if the think they can scare the demons away by insulting them. When they find that it doesn't work they suddenly reveal a different and more compassionate face.

But the bottom line is that there is only one way to learn to swim, and that is by getting in the water and trying, which is horribly dangerous and effectively involves risking everything. Until you decide to take the risk come what may swimming will always merely remain a dream.

Quote from: Iceprincess on August 07, 2010, 10:49:40 AM
I need to explain the situation with my mother:
She's the person I love the most in my life. and I'm going to do the best I can and more. I'm focused, stronger and more motivated. I AM going to succeed no matter what!

Like most of the people on the planet she may never have had much contact with a genuine TS and perhaps bases her attitude on what she has seen on Jerry Springer and she may be totally different once she knows her child needs help to transition.

However there is only one way to find out and that is to try it.  Go see a therapist or shrink to explore your gender confusion and then present your Mom with the evidence and ask for her help.
Good luck.