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I guess the first thing would be to talk to your wife about this, and let her know how you feel about yourself, and also about her.  Maybe you could go through the book with her, and work through all the issues you come across.

If you still love each other, then that is the best point to start from I think. Hope it all works out.

(My wife left me for another woman several years ago, so at least I don't have to worry about the effect on her of my transition.) 

[quote author=MrsTorrance  I want to be a girl, damn it.

I really don't know what my point is.  I guess, if you want a book to help you understand how your wife's feeling about you being different...check out "My Husband Betty".   
[/quote]

if you are getting to th epoint of questioning your gender so seriously then you need to be talking to a good professional therapist.  whether you do that with your wife's knowledge or not is up to you.