I am a pre op- pre testosterone taking FTM.... I am worried about doing anything even though I hate being a woman and I feel as if I was born a male in a female's body. I don't really have the money to even start therapy, and I can't pass off as a male even if I tried so hard. I also have a two year old daughter so its rather difficult to even start. I just need some advice about everything. I have researched the procedures and I know which one I would want, but I want to hear from you! If anyone can please help that would be great, thanks. - Kura

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear about your situation but from what I understand it's never an easy path.

I myself am also pre-T, pre-OP, pre-everything really, so I have obviously not gone through much but this is the best advice I can give you.

From my understanding, therapy is first and foremost, if you want it bad enough you're going to have to work for it. If you're unemployed get a job, if you have a job, work more hours for extra money, or get a second job. This is a hard thing to do but if you need and want something bad enough then the work would be well worth it.

Once you've gotten that straightened out you should begin easing your daughter into the idea of you transitioning. I'm not a parent myself, and have almost no experience with children, but hopefully by bumping this topic others can give you advice on this part.

As far as surgery is concerned, I'm pretty sure for the vast majority of us surgery is a hope in the distant future. As I'm sure you know, that stuff doesn't come cheap and years of saving up money come before any sort of procedure. You just need patience, it's so very hard but just hang in there. Everything will pay off and work it's way out sooner or later.

I'm not post op but I'll throw out my 2 cents.

If you want it badly enough you'll get to a point where it's transition or begin to suffer mentally, physically....socially...etc. For alot of us it gets to the point where we become self destructive or suicidal. The pain and awkwardness and stuff we put up with while transitioning begins to be worth it if it's to get to the final stage of transitioning. I'm not trying to sound harsh or mean by any means. Just how I see it.

Children adapt very quickly at young ages. It's your life. I'm not a very family oriented guy but if I had a kid or was with someone with a kid...it wouldn't stop me. But that attitude built up over years of compromising for people and nothing coming of it for my own life.

I can say that 4 years ago I never thought I'd be here. I never thought I'd have the money or resources to find a transfriendly therapist. Or change my name/gender. Or start T. Starting T was the point where it all went from "I'm doing this for nothing, cause there is no hope, cause I feel like I'm spinning my wheels although I'm living full time as male" to "holy crap. This is all real. Something actually came of my efforts."

It's a long hard road. I'm nowhere near having the money for surgery but three giant hurdles are gone for me. Name change, gender change, and starting T. Keep pushing and soon enough you'll be x months on T or whatever and think wow....this really was worth it.

Meeting other trans people in person or even online who you talk to alot can help ALOT. For me it did. That's how I learned of docs around here who did T and therapists and found friends who understood me. Until then I felt alone, even with the support online.