I haven't posted for awhile about myself but I thought I would share some progress. For those who don't know I am not full time but have been making gradual changes. While I strictly go out to the social scenes presenting female (and generally to trans-friendly environments), I live the rest of my life in "boy mode" but that is where the changes have been taking place. Whether I subconsciously planned it or not, I have been doing certain things a little at a time that basically result in me "cooking the frog slowly."

1st Change: Back around October 2008 I decided I was no longer getting a haircut for awhile. In fact I haven't gotten one since (although it is time for me to get it styled properly). After a number of months when my hair started getting long enough that I had to change my way of parting it, suddenly everyone couldn't believe the different look. While my hair could use some improvement (styling) I have kept it long and combed in a somewhat feminine manner. Now not only do few people care about the long hair, they can't even remember the old me with the short "boy" hair. I keep the same hairstyle both when I am out presenting fully female and when I'm not.

2nd Change: In around December 2009, I decided to paint my fingernails (with a manicure the first few times). As usual all the co-workers and family thought it was odd being a "boy" with pink/blue/green nail polish (every few weeks I change the color). This generated a lot of talk at first but now I and just about everyone else is so used to my nails being painted, I feel weird going a day with them natural. As with the hair, I keep them painted whether I'm in "boy" or "girl" mode. I've also recently started painting my toenails as well.

3rd Change: In July 2010, I decided to buy some girl sandals that are flats so I could wear those comfortably for work and daytime errands. When I'm out fully presenting female, I try to wear shoes that are 3"-5" but am not going to do that in "boy" mode or when there is no reason to dress up. As with the other things, quite a few people noticed the girly shoes along with the painted toe nails and some talk was generated. In no time at all it appears as if nobody cares let alone bats an eye at my obviously female shoes. I now will only wear boy sandals or sneakers when there is a practical reason for doing so. It already seems like people no longer remember when I used to wear men's shoes.

So since I'm not full time what I would have considered being "boy mode" and "girl mode" has now changed to being either androgynous or female in appearance. I don't know if others have transitioned slowly like this. I kind of like how it is working. Since I'm now doing three things daily to be more feminine (shoes, nails, hair) the question is what will/should be the 4th change? One of my friends suggested makeup but I see that as coming in a later stage. I'm leaning on either girl's jeans/tops or jewelry (earrings, bracelets, necklaces, etc.). What do you all think? How are these for the next steps?

4th Change: Girl jeans
5th Change: Some jewelry
6th Change: Girl tops

When it really comes down to it I feel like I'm already half way there. Once I can pull off all six I'm essentially going to be full time with the 7th Change simply being makeup and a padded bra. I'm not going to worry about this yet but I think by the time I hit #6 is when it is time to start deciding to formally transition (i.e. therapist, talk to HR at work, hormones, laser/electro, surgeries, etc.). Maybe I'm doing this in a bit of a different order than some of you but I'm kind of following a pattern of starting RLE before going to the professionals. Thanks for hearing me out and any recommendations/compliments/criticisms are welcome. Happy Wednesday. Britney

Sounds much like my transition so far, actually. I stopped getting my hair cut in my last year of uni, i.e. from September 2008, and again.. kinda need it styled nao. I've been wearing womens' trousers from about that time too, though it's pretty easy to make an androgynous top look masculine with my frame.

Can't say I've painted my nails or anything, though. The cost of it and other makeup has put me off, so I've been concentrating on clothes of the unisex or feminine variety. I also get somewhat scared, despite the fact mascara and black nail polish would be very much in keeping with my usual, gothy look.

It's taken a while, but like you I've been left feeling that I'm halfway there already. I've remarked to friends that the way I dress is only a girly top and a padded bra away from wholly feminine, and my hair ends up looking girly in all but the low-tied ponytail style.

Sounds like you have it figured out pretty good for yourself. Heh as for myself I live the guy role as much as possible, something I have done since much of my childhood. But for until I can come out to my family I add a little female things to my look if I think its called for like for example shoes. As for make up I only will wear eyeliner lipstick depends on my mood. But I do keep my nails painted black. I am a gothy person so its all good. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best of luck. Blessed be~Raven

I'm also noticing that I'm getting "ma'am"ed more as well and then people quickly "correct" it when I'm in "boy mode." This is a good sign because at the absolute worst I'm appearing androgynous but not completely male. Just yesterday a homeless person approached me for a handout. Maybe not the most credible source to judge but this woman first called me "ma'am" then quickly changed it to "sir" and then back to "ma'am" again. Then it went back to "sir" and she asked for money. I was wearing a regular guy's shirt, guy's jeans but have long hair, no beard, hair is combed somewhat feminine, nail polish on hands and feet, and women's sandals on. There have been a few other cases where I was merely walking down the street and was clearly taken to be female by passersby before they suddenly realized. So obviously whatever I'm doing is working because I used to be "sir"red without question and now people are all confused. That only means that eventually it will go to the other side where I'm "ma'am"ed without question. I suppose it is the middle area of gender transition that is probably the most difficult.

That sounds great. Congratulations on your progress! I hope everyone continues to accept your gender bending and eventual transition. Sometimes I have a suspicion that when people feel like they "figured out" the trans part on their own, they are a little more accepting on certain levels -- like they are okay because it was their idea.

Good luck!

Yes. I also prefer gradual change. People around me have been adapted to my new image far better than I had expected. Human are so much flexible.

Barbie~~

I think you're very smart to do a gradual change. When someone who normally presents as very male looking suddenly switches with the whole works it can seem artificial to others (read "impersonator"). The gradual approach allows you to get used to the transition. In fact, some of us, like me and, I believe, Barbie (above), choose to not make a full transition, but are simply more comfortable with a feminine visual identity (but not a physiological one).

I find there are fewer hard social boundaries regarding gender than one might at first think. You can, without definitely presenting as female, wear most hairstyles, a great deal of women's wear, jewelry, and less-noticeable makeup (like cover-up, mascara, etc.).

The only hard line crossers seem to be skirts, dresses, high heels, sheer hosery, leggings, bras (and fillers), obvious makeup (eyeliner, eye shadow, lipstick), and very feminine hairstyles such as updos.

I never try for an "andro" look with any of those items. Once you slip on that skirt, you really need to finish things up. But other than that, the gradual approach works well and is a pretty good idea, I think.

Lyric

I'm going to post some recent pictures of me in "boy" mode and "girl" mode. The girl pic was taken at a downtown Lady Gaga party. The "boy" pic was taken at a gun club dinner (yeah talk about the different type of environments, lol). I could be wrong but it seems like the two sides of my appearance are coming closer together. Any advice, criticism, or tips are appreciated as long as it is constructive.

Apparently this site is not allowing me to just upload them from my computer so I'll link the one I have online and try to get another one later.

Let's try this one (the gun club dinner meetup):



It seems to me at this point that the only difference between "boy mode" and "girl mode" is a padded bra and makeup. I tend not to wear much makeup even in "girl mode" as I just haven't gotten good at it nor had the time to sit down and seriously practice. As a lot of cis-girls don't wear much makeup (or any) I haven't been concerned about it. I will need to get more serious about it though when I do plan on getting more serious with presenting female in everyday situations (the store, bank, etc.).

Here's one at a trans-friendly nightclub. I need to get serious about makeup it looks like.

Quote from: Britney_413 on September 06, 2010, 04:20:50 AM
It seems to me at this point that the only difference between "boy mode" and "girl mode" is a padded bra and makeup.

Not from here.

The boy picture seems definately to be a boy.

Quote from: spacial on September 07, 2010, 05:32:07 AM
Not from here.

The boy picture seems definately to be a boy.

The real difference is the SMILE!  Girl, when you're you, you light up the room!  As your boy self, not so much.  I've learned the same thing about me, although I have yet to really go OUT anywhere as ME, just to safe places like friends' houses, therapy or support group.  Girl, you ROCK!

I was hoping to get more responses but I do appreciate the feedback from those who have responded. I honestly think it is time. I'm kind of in a big debating mood on what I should do next. I have decided that tomorrow I'm going down to MVD and updating my license photo as my current one shows short boy hair although I don't look like much of a macho man in that picture either. Since I'm out to everyone at work about my "crossdressing" outside of work and many also know of my plans to transition sooner or later I'm going to need to sit down with the manager and discuss it. I know the manager is supportive but a discussion probably should still take place. I also need to set up an appointment with a gender therapist. I really kind of just want to go full time at this point. I might as well as I'm pretty much out on one level or another to everyone I know.

I don't think there is really any turning back either. Generally once I go to a place as a girl for the first time I never return there in boy mode again. I could literally show up to work any day now as a girl but once I start doing that I will need to be doing that all days and I don't want to do that until I discuss it with them particularly due to the bathroom issues. Perhaps a therapist could give me some advice as well? I know I'm gradually getting more and more serious and there is no stopping it but it really seems to be coming down to figuring out the order of things. Any more advice is appreciated. Britney

Quote from: Britney_413 on September 08, 2010, 02:33:23 AMI know I'm gradually getting more and more serious and there is no stopping it but it really seems to be coming down to figuring out the order of things.

I think that's it right there.  You need a plan.  Definitely find a therapist, and work with them - maybe they can help you formulate a sequence of events that will work - help you think it through.  You don't want to rush something like this - it's important.