Hi   

I guess this is as good of an introduction as any; I hope no one minds my methods.

I've been reading a TON lately since I'm in the midst of yet another of my 'don't feel like being/wearing what I am at the moment' moods and decided to take the time to try to figure some stuff out.   I'm sure I'll use the wrong language at some points so please treat me as a young'un even though I'm well into my 30's.  I've run into something that I just don't understand and can't wrap my head around and I can't think of anywhere to ask it other than here.  I hope it's ok.

How exactly does one 'feel' male or female?  I really don't get it.  I'm not trying to be snarky, I just want to understand and hopefully by understanding, will come to terms with myself.  I have a female body.  I don't 'feel' female (at least, I don't think I do) but I don't 'feel' male either.  I'm just me.  What does feeling female feel like?  Is that the dumbest question anyone has ever asked?   Is it even something one can put into words?  I'm wondering if it's more a feeling of 'this isn't right' or really a feeling of 'that is'?

And a little bio/introduction on me:  I've been labeled bi, lesbian, butch, femme, girly and even called 'he' a few times.   I'm currently married to a wonderful man who doesn't care if I wear boxer briefs, a binder and skater shorts one day and a skirt the next.  His highest praise is 'I'm so glad you're not a woman' LOL and I really don't 'act' like a stereotypical woman (but seriously, does anyone?), but I don't feel the need to transition and wouldn't want to be 'male' either.  I've always been weird, always been a bit of a changeling and usually end up deriding myself over it.  I'm trying to hit the point where I can say (or at least think) 'I don't care what anyone thinks, and I don't need to be either. 
I guess this is where I belong although I have no idea which of the 72 labels would fit me; probably at least 18 of them 

Quote from: LilDoberman on August 11, 2010, 09:12:54 AMHow exactly does one 'feel' male or female?  I really don't get it.  I'm not trying to be snarky, I just want to understand and hopefully by understanding, will come to terms with myself.  I have a female body.  I don't 'feel' female (at least, I don't think I do) but I don't 'feel' male either.  I'm just me.  What does feeling female feel like?  Is that the dumbest question anyone has ever asked?   Is it even something one can put into words?  I'm wondering if it's more a feeling of 'this isn't right' or really a feeling of 'that is'?

As a T-oriented trigendered male, I recognize a "boy-mode" ,"girl-mode" and the androgyne in me.

The "boy mode" may come, for example if I am driving car, listening music there, maybe had some technical troubles, visited a garage.. or in some situation, where there is adrenalin rush. Or being in male company. I feel, how I become a male. At best this is truly wonderful, almost ecstatic rush of hormones.

The "girl mode" is about the same, but comes in different situations. Sometimes when shopping, I may feel desire to move in feminine way, all my body thirsts it. I am not crossdressing. I feel a lightening of body movements, almost ethereal weightlesness... and I have a feeling that I am not a male any longer, I feel I am TinkerBell i Neverland. Often I get a very friendly reaction from women, when in this mood. There is a sisterly aura, and I look at men little like from the perspective of women.

Most of the time, however, I feel androgynous. I would describe it very clear, conscious, calm, state, where is no disturbing emotions or drama. It is like a cool diamond. Being conscious of everything.

Excellent question LilDoberman! I'd like to understand the answer also because I don't 'feel' male or female either. I do feel contentedly human. My body certainly has a sex, but *I* don't.

Quote from: Protasekretis on August 11, 2010, 11:21:07 AM
Most of the time, however, I feel androgynous. I would describe it very clear, conscious, calm, state, where is no disturbing emotions or drama. It is like a cool diamond. Being conscious of everything.

Well said, Protasekretis! This is how it feels to me all the time... like a cool diamond. Exactly this. A pure clear consciousness without gender static.  There is no gender interference between my perceptions and interactions with the world. Conscious of everything, which includes a sharp awareness of the gender of others. It is as if I'm seeing through perfectly clear lenses while nearly everyone else seems to be looking through either pink-tinted or blue-tinted sunglasses.  I don't wear purple-tinted TG sunglasses either, just cool clear crisp untinted lenses. (I might don a pair of emergency gender-neutral green sunglasses for the times when gender drama takes the spotlight though.)

-Emerald 

Quote from: LilDoberman on August 11, 2010, 09:12:54 AM
Hi   
I guess this is where I belong although I have no idea which of the 72 labels would fit me; probably at least 18 of them 

the Androgyne part of Susan's place has a lot of different people some people who don't like labels and some who find great value in being able to say "I am ......." as long as you don't squeeze yourself too tight with a label (change a label to suit you not change you to fit a label) a lot of labels  I've seen hear when explained at sounds almost identical to something else but using words that for that person fit better I say power to them you are better being true to yourself then to try to fit into a label that is almost right.

and Welcome   

Hello, welcome.

Quote from: LilDoberman on August 11, 2010, 09:12:54 AM
How exactly does one 'feel' male or female?

No idea

Quote from: LilDoberman on August 11, 2010, 09:12:54 AM
I'm wondering if it's more a feeling of 'this isn't right' or really a feeling of 'that is'?

Mine is a feeling of that is? I didn't realise that people strongly identified with a gender or another for quite some time.

   How does one feel male or female?
   
   Just as an example, there many different things that can trigger a memory. So for me, most of the labels here could be used but, which ones depends on my enviroment and how I feel at the given time (or even time of day). Most of the time it's just around a couple or a few. Labels are just general guide line sorta stuff. At least they seem to be here. It's not uncommon when more than one is used.
   Don't climb into a box (label) and shut the lid. As the decision processes change, so will the box's and what they represent to you, and how you view them. As someone else said here, try them on, if they don't fit, try another.

How do either gender feel? Like Pica, I don't know. How could I? I'm neither. At least not in an 'either or' way.

In my life, I have asked this question to a couple of people whose gender is congruent with their sex (cis-folks). Well, they could not describe it. They could only say that it feels alright and everything fits together.

Quote from: LilDoberman on August 11, 2010, 09:12:54 AM
What does feeling female feel like?  Is that the dumbest question anyone has ever asked?   Is it even something one can put into words?  I'm wondering if it's more a feeling of 'this isn't right' or really a feeling of 'that is'?

Hmm, I guess I don't know. No, it's a great question. Not really. It's both, but I can only speak for myself, the most urgent is "this isn't right" since I must experience the wrong constantly but only infrequently see myself as male. Then, I am simply comfortable and just feel good because I don't feel bad.

This is a very interesting subject. I have always thought about how civilization puts his mark on the lives of the people. Why do we behave the way we behave, what part of our behavior originates from who we truly are and what part originates from indoctrination by society.
An example is the consumption of insects which is regarded as not done where I live, yet on other continents it is part of daily life.
It is the same with gender roles: society forces each gender in a tight corset denieing us the freedom to express ourselves as we truly wish. The hard part is to separate is the influence of society from the true nature of humans. For me clothing is an excellent example of something forced on by society. The first time I truly realized this is when I dressed as a Roman legionairy on a re enactment at a museum. This naturally spiked the interest of visitors all wanting to take a picture of themselves with the manly image of Roman arms. That day I silently asked myself "Do they actually realize I am wearing a skirt?".

So what is typical male and female behaviour? How does one feel male or female? I think that everyone has to find that out for themselves. For me the border has been a bit vague since I started thinking about it so I try not to limit myself to what is expected of me. Instead I just try to be myself. This brought me to the point to where I regard myself as male, but still wish to express my feminine side. We are all individuals trying to fit in the roles society laid down for us and many of us realize that we simply don't. To that I can only say: dont force yourself to fit in the corset but just be yourself.

Hi,

Its not a dumb ? alltho if you asked a cat , whats it like being a cat .
does the cat know or even if its a male or female no it just is , & what ever you call them.
 
I have looked at that ? as a male you do or can do certain things . & a female the same . now when you combine both & think both ways you can see most details from both sides yet for me never quite being one or the other , i feel the emotions of both, i swing back & forth yet allways come back to the middle .

I look at a male & know i did not relate to them in a way two males can mind wise i dont have that & i never did , for me now i get on okay with a few i can talk about details & have a understanding of them . & thats it.

I look at a woman & know i dont have my womb & cannot have my child yet im more at home with women & do relate with them , yet i know there is a little something missing ,
If i have to say what i feel , then i dont feel im one or the other yet im both. i know i was born this way & have known all that time .
As you grow you grow in to your self & accept you are just you. & each of us & even here we are so different in so many ways ,
A good ? yet very hard to answer in a definite way ,more so for those of us who are androgynous.

As to dress im accepted as a woman its not the clothes its more than that . as a male or female as a scot i can wear a kilt or the like & yes its a skirt yet no one would say we cant its just accepted its a part of our long history going back a long time .

For me im happy being where i am & more so than i ever was some 53 years ago .
Im 63 & i cant put my finger on it in a way & say this is what it feels like to be a woman , its,  you just know its there , just to explain it , or try.

...noeleena...

I can't tell you how reassuring it is to know I'm not the only one who doesn't really get it.  (Well, you probably already know LOL)  I appreciate all your insights and it was nice to hear some differing yet similar views. 
And don't worry, I'm not too big on labels either.  During my reading I found the check-in thread and thought that it could be useful to at least have one that fits well enough.  Sort of like having a coat in Texas; you don't wear it all that often, but it's nice to have in your closet.

--Dea

Whilst in London you need one for every kind of drizzle

i guest i was lesbian girl in the man body..does that makes sense?

At times I just in female mode other times guy mode. Without my female side I would feel lost not able to express myself. Mind and body have such complex emotions and reactions that for me just to be male only I would lose my female creativity that brightens up my day. 

II never felt "male" o__O hah

Quote from: Emerald on August 11, 2010, 03:09:20 PM...It is as if I'm seeing through perfectly clear lenses while nearly everyone else seems to be looking through either pink-tinted or blue-tinted sunglasses.  ...

My glasses are red tinted!


Well. I once was trippin' ballz, and decided that I was going to define what is my female side like, I call it "Zaida", and what is my male side like, I call it "Zadkiel".

Zaida is the thinking, logical side. She is the programmer, the analyst. Also Zaida is the one who tells Zadkiel how to dress like a guy XD
She likes being methodical, doing things in order and finishing stuff.

Zadkiel, on the other hand, is the emotional, artistic one. He likes to experiment, and his rather scatterbrained. Zadkiel makes Zaida dress funny, "Like a girl should" lol
Zadkiel likes to have 20 things going at once, dividing his attention at random, and has the annoying tendency to leave things unfinish

(For ex. that joke above: Zadkiel was like "let's leave this sentence unfinished!" then Zaida was like "cut it on "unfinis"", then Zadkiel was like "It looks prettier if cut on "unfinish"!". Yes, I am fully aware that I'm insane.)

These things happen on their own, with little or no effort. That's just how I work.

If I was to magically become 100% woman, I couldn't imagine being an artistic girl, defnly I would be a programmer.

Idk. This is all so weird.

I would say that feeling male or female has more to do with feeling like you fit in with males or females...maybe?

Most of my female friends now are crass and tomboyish.  I fit in really well with them, so I don't think about the gender thing anymore.  But when I'm with women who would be considered very "feminine" who are poised and polite, then I feel male.  With my guy friends, I'm one of the guys and I don't think about gender then either.  When I'm with guys, say at school, I'm more self conscious and I definitely act more feminine and I feel more comfortable being feminine with men. 

...that might not be as helpful as I thought it would be...

No, actually Jaimey that was insanely helpful.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you may have hit my personal nail on the proverbial head.

Off to think....

Quote from: LilDoberman on September 02, 2010, 06:12:02 AM
No, actually Jaimey that was insanely helpful.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you may have hit my personal nail on the proverbial head.

Off to think....

Oh, then I'm glad to have been of service!

I'm there too. I just don't "get it."  I've never felt "feminine". I don't think I've ever felt "masculine." I don't really know what if feels like. My husband, "Rayalisse" tries to explain it to me: what it's like to feel feminine, and I just don't "get it." I'm just me.

I don't feel any different putting on nail polish(a rare thing) than I do weilding a pickaxe and landscaping my yard.  I really only wear earrings, paint my nails, "girly" things so that I look "prettier" for my hubby or to present to the world. I don't wear dresses feel unbelievably awkward in them.  I have a few broomstick skirts that I love and want to wear; they are really cool, but I'm not comfortable in them: I need to find some bicycle shorts ot leggings to wear under them so I feel more comfortable. I wore bike shorts under dresses for church from the time I was 10-18. I feel most comfy in jeans and tees with my sneakers or birkenstocks, and have since I was a little kid.  I used to steal my older brother's jeans and polos after he outgrew them and wore them, rather than the frilly pink stuff my mom bought me.

TTFN,
Jenn