so there's this young man who stays part time at a house just up the road from ours. I believe he's 18?

Anyway, he cones around here every couple of weeks just out of bordom or whatever and he was over a while tonight.

He'd ask me to scan in some pics of his baby daughter (don't ask) so he could add them to his facebook page which I did and when I changed back to my account, he asked me what my name was - and I told him my legal name (my legal first name and his are the same) then he asked what i liked to be called.

Now, my wife is sitting within a few fet of us and i KNOW what she thinks of other people calling me "Tammy" or "she" or "ma'am" or whatever.

I hesitated a bit then said "well, my parents called me G____" (which is my legal middle name) and he said "But you don't like it?" and i nodded my head towards the screen where "Tammy" appears on my facebook page.

He was a bit slow on the uptake so finally i came out and said "I prefer Tammy but you will make her mad if you call me that - best to avoid calling a name when she can hear"

and this led into a long winding discussion of what it was to be trans, how it differed from being gay, what people he knew thought about me and people like me, and so forth.

Some of the highlights:

When he first saw me(at Wal Mart) in full female presentation (having not met me before) it never occurred to him that I was male; (this made my night!)

When he saw us together, later, his first thought was the my wife and I were sisters or possibly mother and daughter (she tends to look some what younger than her actual age);

There's a somewhat prevalent opinion among those who see me and don't know me that i must be gay;

There are trans people here in town that I wasn't aware of, including a couple that I should have spotted by now - this is a small county seat town of maybe 6 o r7k people and I now know if at least 5 others besides myself who are at least somewhat out; (which I guess is a pretty normal ratio)

there is a trans high school student (M2F) in the next county south of here who is out to his school and his friends, and has worn female attire to school, and has not been (as far as this boy knows) mistreated by either the school or the students (absent the normal level of bullying that a lot of kids might get). Even with the largely positive/neutral reception I've gotten at large, the fact that a MS high school is NOT making an issue of this is frankly stunning to me.



All in all, given the drama on the home-front lately and the difficulty of feeling good about anything because of it - it was the most uplifting thing I've experienced in real life in a long time.

Good for you!  Sometimes taking a chance pays off.  I know ALL about "the drama on the home front", although you're WAY ahead of me so far.  My wife and I had a conversation a few weeks ago, where I was pretty clear about things - that I feel I should have been born female, etc., but I didn't say anything about wanting to transition.  Then, for the past few weeks, it's like she's trying to ignore it, and go into denial again, but I wanted to give her time to process it, so I kept waiting for a signal that she wanted to talk.  Finally, last Friday, she picked me up from work, we made small talk on the way home, and when we got home, nobody else was there.  While I was changing, she broke down and cried - sobbed uncontrollably for several long minutes.  Not sure how long - 15? 20?  I couldn't console her, of course.  Then we had a conversation - the first in weeks, and it became obvious to me that she isn't trying to go into denial, but she IS having major difficulty.  She talked about how she feels empty, she can't take any joy in anything, she feels like life is going on around her but she's not part of it, she looks at other couples and is jealous of them, etc.  Definitely NOT an easy conversation for me, but I was glad she was finally talking.  The first thing this week - she needs to find a counselor to talk to.  Also, I ordered the book "True Selves" by Mildred L. Brown - hopefully that'll help.  This is definitely the hardest thing ever.  Tammy, I do hope you can work things out with her, or at the very least, part amicably.  I hope the same for myself...

Quote from: Tammy Hope on August 16, 2010, 02:01:06 AM
Even with the largely positive/neutral reception I've gotten at large, the fact that a MS high school is NOT making an issue of this is frankly stunning to me.

You give me hope, Tammy.  Society is moving in the right direciton, even if it seems pretty slow sometimes.  I'm glad for you that you are able to be ever more open.

- Kate

People often assumed I was gay when I was in male mode. Thankfully that mode does not exist for me anymore.

Now they assume I want to go out with men! I get the feeling some people think that I am a gay guy dressing as a woman to attract straight men..

That was really nice of him to ask you what you prefer to be called Tammy, very insightful really.  Those closest to us seem to have the most difficulty. And with reason, they have the most invested in us. Everyone else in the world for me seems fine. There are a lot of good people out there.

Well it's not exactly like any of that progress was brought about by Tammy, or anyone she ever voted for.  It happened in spite of her, not because of her.  Change is brought about by agents of change, not by those that oppose them, no matter how much that opposition might be (as it most often is) in less than their own best interests.

Well, Tammy's bringing about some of that change down here in MS already, simply by being Tammy!

Sure, some of us pull out bullhorns and do militant activism, become party officers, etc. But it takes the lot of us.

Yeah, I'm sure it takes the same amount of energy to eat at the head table as it does to cook the dinner, but I'm also damn sure that each player in that drama knows who is who also.

Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2010, 06:46:18 PM
Yeah, I'm sure it takes the same amount of energy to eat at the head table as it does to cook the dinner, but I'm also damn sure that each player in that drama knows who is who also.

I actually have no idea what that means (heh). But if any trans folk in MS want to run for office or get into some activism, just PM me. One of the political parties here is itching for trans candidates, and activists are hot in demand right now, as we're in the middle of an election year.

Quote from: tekla on August 16, 2010, 06:26:50 PM
Well it's not exactly like any of that progress was brought about by Tammy, or anyone she ever voted for.  It happened in spite of her, not because of her.  Change is brought about by agents of change, not by those that oppose them, no matter how much that opposition might be (as it most often is) in less than their own best interests.

We get it - tekla is pure and noble and good and we are all blessed that she lowers herself to mingle with those who've done less, know less and are worth less than her.

Blessed be the grace and wisdom which flows from tekla, who's mere existence sets a pattern for all us lesser being to strive to emulate.

Far be it that anyone have made mistakes in their life, to have been gullible enough to believe well meaning lies, to have delayed accepting their nature and embracing it because of circumstances in their life, hell, for just being cursed to have live in Mississippi instead of San Francisco  (truly heaven upon earth!) ...no...there can be NO EXCUSES!!!

Tekla has weighed us in the balance and found us wanting!

THE SHAME!!!!!!!

There...now can we be spared any more self congratulation or have you not been sufficiently adored yet?