Hello mswinston,
Welcome darling. There are lots of people here who have the same problems, the similar stories and the same despair, at times.
Guess what? You are a totally normal person. There is nothing to be ashamed of. If you identify as female guess what? You may be. I do not have a clue what support services you may have. Is there any access to gender therapists? Are there professional carers you can talk to? Sorry for being vague but I'm in Australia and many of the members are in the USA, UK, Europe, Asia, South America, Iceland, Scandinavia. India. Oh, we are all over the world, so maybe we are in fact normal. Just others don't always think or accept so.
Take care and read through the posts and ask questions. You are know never alone. You have a family that knows what your life is like.
Cindy