Quote from: Nero on August 22, 2010, 05:54:40 PM
I think it's more that I just don't want to change anything down there. If I did, it would only be so society would accept me as a man. My main dysphoria is the inability to penetrate a woman with my own flesh. So I would be doing it for approval of other people and one aspect of sex. If it were a lot easier, and I could suddenly look and function as a natal man without all the bodily trauma, I could maybe give a second thought to it. But for now my dysphoria is almost purely social (I know the world says I am not a man without it). And that's not a reason to go through with it for me.
Very interesting, it's exactly the same for me. Just replace "penetrate a woman" by "penetrate a woman or man". Before my clit growth, you could have added "and to get a good & decent blow-job", but the little guy can be kind of sucked now so at least that part of the dysphoria is gone now. I've also found a good work-around about 12 years ago so I can penetrate with my own flesh and I'm a lot into it. Ya know, ya got 2 hands and a transguy's fist is much smaller than that of a male-born guy - and it's just great and mind-blowing for me, you can feel the heart-beat and the contractions and all ... Still not the same as ->-bleeped-<-ing a person, but it comes as close to it as it can get.
For other sexual activities, I use other work-arounds where appropriate. They are my own creative mind-->-bleeped-<-s (no pun intended) and they work very reliably. I rarely crash during sex, and dysphoria turn-offs only take one minute or two at best before I'm fine again. Either I fancy myself being a man with male junk who fancies himself having female genitalia ( ->-bleeped-<- anyone?). Or I imagine my schlong is kind of inverted inside (this one always makes transwomen laugh). Or I imagine I f*** the guy (or the woman wearing a strap-on) instead of the other way round. Or I imagine I get ->-bleeped-<-ed in my back hole. Or I flee into a sexual phantasy world at those moments which does not involve my genitalia. Or I try to mentally filter the sensations I get from these body parts during sex in a way that they still are intense, but become so fuzzy that I just can't feel any more what shape my genitalia have at all. That's so many different options that if one fails, I just switch to the next one. I don't even think it's that sad that I need these work-arounds, as of course it makes things more complicated but it also adds some more spice and creativity to my sex life.
Meanwhile I can even take the fact that I get ->-bleeped-<-ed in my vagina sometimes. I read Buck Angel's "man with a ->-bleeped-<-" slogan a couple of years ago and saw a pic of him beside it and yes, it's exactly what he is. The slogan is very provocative and vulgar, but it seemed to make perfect sense to me once I got over the initial shock. And that somehow helped me a lot relaxing about my vagina and get rid of a mental block there and not see my vagina as a hurtful give-away for my body being female all the time any more (I should write Buck a nice E-mail to thank him for this).
In everyday life, I still kind of miss the fact that I don't have a penis, but not that much. I used to hate the fact that I could not stand peeing, but this went immediately away 15 years ago when I shared a flat with 3 flatmates and saw the mess caused in the bathroom, and this did not disgust just me. We all agreed on a "pee while sitting" rule then.
As for society, I don't think it's society's business at all to know what I have in my pants, though I worry about hospital stays etc. And if someone I'm interested in refuses to date me exactly because of socially-inept genitalia blabla, then I'm rather happy not to get engaged with that jerk. (If the refusal is because it just doesn't work for them, I wouldn't call them a jerk though.)
