For some reason, the past week has been a little hard for me. There is NO doubt in my mind, that I have to do this. There has been a delay to my transitioning only because of some financial issues we are now dealing with. Those should be over in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I've had too much time to think and it's making me dizzy, and anxious.

1) Although I am not high profile, I'm not low profile in my career. Meaning, I don't think I can go stealth even if I wanted too. My wife is also well known in her career too.
I do voice-overs and well, I do them in a male voice...for now. I haven't told my agency yet about me transitioning. So I may have to go public and even put out a press release.
I also have a small production company that does commercials and documentaries. Obviously, I'm wondering how that is going to be affected.
The only good thing about the voice-over job situation is that I recently found out that there was an OUT and PROUD trans-woman who was very famous for her work on a lot of anime films, tv shows, and some video games. Her name is Maddie Blaustien. She passed away not too long ago. But at least there is someone like me out there. That really inspired me. She went through a very slow transition. I don't know if I can handle slow right now.

2) I found out a week before graduation that I STILL needed to make up for 3 classes that didn't transfer to my new school. BUMMER. So, now I have a certificate in animation, BUT no AA as I wanted. I'm now taking those classes this coming semester and hopefully I can get my AA. I am wondering about my transition at school too.

3) I don't know what path I want to go work wise because, the Voice-over job has been good, but now we have a baby on the way, and I would like have more of a 9 to 5. I LOVE animation since it encompasses all my loves (film, V.O., directing, acting etc). BUT, I wonder how my transition will be affected and how it will affect my job search. I know that that arena tends to be more open to people like me.Still, I worry.

4) I wonder, how people will re-act to my wife (for those that "heard" I was a male). She seems to be very strong and she has repeatedly told me that she is in it for the long haul. She has been soooooo amazing to me. You have no idea. I feel blessed to have her in my life. She seems to be dealing with this a lot better than me!

5)I'm not sure how to transition because of the above. Meaning, do I wait til the very last minute (maybe around the time I eventually get FFS) to start to live as a female?
I feel like I am going to explode! Do I go part-time?

6) What do I do once the baby is around? Do I take pics in female attire? So the baby doesn't have to deal with Daddy becoming mommy?

7) I have a son from a previous marriage who is in his mid teens. His other family (he lives with his mom and step-dad) come from a very religious background. I have a feeling that that relationship will suffer immensely because of my transition.

My GD is really getting bad. The other day, I caught a glimpse of me in the mirror. Something I don't like doing lately, and all I saw was this hairey ape. I stepped right into the shower and shaved all my hair off.
I feel like I am in a cage at home when I can dress the way I want. For me it isn't about dressing up since it doesn't make me feel anything sexual. What it does do is make me feel right. When I look outside my window (my eyes) and I look down at my feet or legs and I see my skirt and painted nails, my brain says "OH, yes, you are a girl" it makes life a little better. But then, I see my reflection in the mirror and it's a slap in the face...reality sets in and it feels like I am just pretending. That's when I start to feel a little depressed. My wife has been helping me out with this, but sometimes I feel like she has enough trying to get through her pregnancy and I don't want to burden her. Hence, this long whiney post.
Any advice ladies?
hugs,
~Stephie

You've definitely got some very specific hurdles to overcome. Some will probably not be too bad, honestly. And some are likely to be a temporary nuisance at worst.

When it comes to VO work, you may not have as much trouble as your worst fears, at least. You can, in fact, continue to train your more feminine voice while also cultivating masculine voice ranges. (I ain't saying it's easy, but it can be done. And the wider range has worked out well for others in VO historically, particularly for character work.)

If you decide to delay your outward presentation changes as far out as FFS, I think you'll find that's easier said than done. For one thing, transition has a way of adopting its own time line once it gets going good. And for another, your appearance will surely change enough between now & then that some of your original ideas will simply fold before your evolving sense of comfort with where you're at.

Also, I'd say don't overthink it too much if you can avoid the temptation. The realities of your situation will make some decisions fairly obvious in the course of time. Try to enjoy yourself a little!

Hi Stephanie,

Sydney had some good advice. If you plan to jump through the hoops like most of us, getting a good gender therapist is the first step. Your therapist can help you deal with some of these issues. The next step is hormones, or HRT. Many people find relief from that. You mentioned having a new baby; just remember a few months on hormones will likely render you sterile so don't start them unless you are through having babies or you make some sort of, uh,  storage arrangements.

I am a full time professional 3D artist, not exactly the same but similar. I create models for animation as part of my work. I'm self employed and though the bad economy has hurt, I'm getting by. I am somewhat well known for my work in certain online art circles under a gender-neutral pseudonym, and this has worked out a lot better than I thought it would. The few people that knew me as male are professionals and it's been no big deal, the rest just assume the artist they know has always been female and they would be correct in that assumption.

Most of all if you are waiting until everything is just right, you might never find the healing you need. We all start from where we are. In the beginning I told myself I was doing this for ME and not for what anyone else thought about it. But I would say the first big step is to get therapy and then you can better decide how you want to proceed. I wish you the very best in whatever you decide!

Having spent the majority of my working life in the TV and Film business I can safely say that as long as you handle it sensitively your career should not suffer. The only exception I am aware of to this is the ad industry. They seem to be slightly less tolerant than the programme and film makers.

I think putting out a presser is probably OTT. The news will get around those who need to know soon enough, and those who don't are best left in ignorance.

You can probably even run two identities one for use with "male" voices and the other for use with "female" voices.

Those of us who are in the industry are aware of names and so on. We would probably recognise you. The general public however are remarkably ignorant. They probably won't care if you are a woman, unless of course you are person who does the action pics voice overs... you know the ones which start "It was a time for heroes... It was a time for action... " in a deep gravelly voice. If you are THAT voice then maybe you have a problem. If not, relax.

I have worked across the industry, and although it isn't my main skill I have even done a bit of radio broadcasting, as a woman. My voice is one of those which is entirely acceptable in either role with very little change. It always has existed in the small overlap area right at the top of normal male and towards the bottom of normal female range. The only thing I have to do to audibly change sex with pretty well 100% reliability is to subtly alter the tone of my voice, and this I have done since childhood.

In short you would actually be surprised how many of us there are in the industry. Some of us are indeed in stealth or semi-stealth, others like me transitioned so early in life that even though we choose to be fairly out, most people are not conscious of our history because we have never worked as anything other than what we are. So you don't hear about us.

The fact is though we are here. In the UK alone there are 3 leading actresses, at least 2 voice overs, 3 radio presenters, several directors and producers and tens of engineers and technicians that I know of. So really trust me, you really ain't as unique as you think, and the fact that you have only found ONE person just goes to show how easy it is for us to vanish into the woodwork when we want to.

Relax you'll be fine.

Stephanie,

While no one's situation is the same I do know what your going through.  My GD has gotten real strong lately too and trying to figure it out is difficult.  I'm in my 50's and have two little ones.  Divorced with an ex who has left me with the kids to raise.  All my life I've taken my responsibilities seriously and put my kids before myself.  My first wife also left me with two kids to raise.  I have a fat income that will disappear if I openly transition. 

So I feel trapped and wondering when my time will be to live life the way I want too.  I don't see many easy choices for most here, but your not alone.  So hang in there and you'll figure it out.

Mary

First off, I want to thank you for taking the time to post on my thread.  It really means a lot to me. I'm glad I found this site, as it allows me to be me and connect with those that have a similar situation. I also want to thank those that answered via pm's to me.
Your words have touched me.
There are days when all is good...actually, I'm typically in a good mood for the most part. Then, I have bad days, and those are few and far between. Yesterday, was one of those days.
I'm doing better today. My wife ended up reading my post (which is always allowed)...and she gave me a great pep talk. But, it was all of you that posted here that got me out of my little slump.
I am going to take your advice.I'm also going to try and not think about too many things at once.

Mary-- My heart goes out to you.

Rejen-- You really hit the spot there as far as how I should come out and it also made me feel like I'm am not some weird anomaly within the entertainment field.  I wish I knew some of them to connect with. A mentor out there would help. It also made me feel "normal" knowing that there are successful people out there that have transitioned.

Fairey Girl-- You were also inspiring. It makes me feel better to know that life goes on. No matter what you are doing. The part that you mention it was "no big deal" made me feel even more that I could go on to do whatever I need to do (without too much worry).

Sydney-- Thanks for telling me like it is. I'm going to take your advice and not try to pile my thoughts too high and take it as it comes. I've realized there is no real way to deal with the changes since everyone is different when it comes to that. I think I was just trying to prep too much for something I might not be able to pilot.
I am making a deposit at a local Sperm Bank regardless. That was one of the reasons for the delay in my starting HRT. My wife is already 16 weeks plus, and I don't want to risk anything. I'm not sure that we want to have more children, but having the option is a good one for us.

By the way, my wife really loves that I have found a place like Susan's. I have tried to keep most of this private for now, and that is why I haven't gone to a support group. I may find a therapist...not sure yet. I've been approved for HRT though.
As far as my friends go, most of them know. Some have always felt I was but never said anything (or so they have said). My family is dealing with it. They don't quite understand it, but I don't think I am going to be kicked out of the circle. My mom is just trying to digest it. She keeps telling me, "but you are such a handsome man!"---Well, that's the problem isn't it?- I say.

I'm rambling, well once again, THANK YOU !
Give yourselves a big hug.
Stephie

Just wanted to add to this...
I was able to strike a deal with the local Cryo Bank for a Sperm deposit. It's quite expensive, but we wanted to have that option. Despite doing well in my day job, the past few months have been tough. Finally, I got tired of waiting and called the Cryo Bank to see what I could do and I DID! YEY!
I called my Doc's office and I am waiting to hear from them so I can FINALLY start my "femones"!
As you can see, I am very very happy about this!
Just wanted to share the joy!