There was a point were I decide I don't care what other think I'm just going to be myself.
The real person inside (women).  And from that day on ........
Actually I did make that decision and it has changed my life for the better.
The big thing is I need to keep making that decision whenever I start going back to being a people pleases-er.
I think I have come along way and am myself most of the time.  And I am so much happier now.

So decide to be yourself rylielove and not worry what other think.
Oh love that avatar picture you look so cute.
Just be yourself and have fun this weekend.
Jillieann

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. A lot of things you were learn unconciously, just by being with women and observing. The way women are is from socialisation in alot of way. You have the seed. It just needs time to grow honey. It is best not to over think it. I think it is ok to talk with these women about your feelings. They will be so supportive.

It will be hard like this at first, that is totally natural, but it will get easier in time, and you will stop thinking about it so much.

For me it felt like a subtle shift. I was not concious of a lot of it. Over the last year my family and ex wife started comenting on how much I changed but I could not see it. The thing I am aware of is talking more animatedly, being more expressive, commenting and connecting on feelings. I talk about relationships more. It did feel like letting go of the man, letting me grow and come out. Don't try to do everything at once.

Best of luck! Hope you have a great time!

I'd like to take a stab at it with some personal experiences of my own if I could

Maybe you are looking at yourself and are a bit embarassed by what others may think of you when you act female? I know that is what has prevented me from saying / doing alot of things in life. Even in my first therapy session I was quiet and trying not to speak so loud in case somebody outside of the room may hear me.

What's been giving me more confidence is picking small things and observing. I've started walking like a girl, talking with a bit of a higher pitch in drive thrus at fast food places (i know right, nasty ), using hand gestures etc. Also, do your best to pick up on comments from people and their opinions on what the differences between the 2 genders are. Today I was plugging a wire into a fax machine without turning the thing, trying to just get the thing working. The lady I was plugging it in for said "Why don't you just turn it around? You gotta be all *manly* and do things the hard way!". Yes, I presented as a guy and I winced, but it's a lesson learned

Doing the small things, little by little, may start to pick away at the anxiety you experience around people. Start to walk the walk (slowly) and then talking the talk will be so much easier I think. Also I'd really appreciate those girls for helping you, and I'm sure they'll give you all the advice in the world and will try to do so comfortably. Let us know how it all goes, I'm dying to hear as I'm sure everybody else on these boards are!!

i dont care what gender or what sexual orintation i am.

if i be a guy, i wanna be a handsome, tough guy..and straight

if im a girl i want to be hot , beauty girl..and staright

thats all

My guy self is completely fake, dorky, insecure, and unattractive.  He's also a good shield, unfortunately.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling really self-conscious, I almost seem to rely on the guy side as a suit of armor, or maybe more like a human punching bag.  My thought process is something like, "If (whoever I have paranoid feelings about being judged by, despite them being polite) is busy looking down on guy me, they can't do anything to hurt the actual me."

This even happens around people that know I'm trans.  Sometimes, I feel like if I stay in guy mode, they'll assume I have a woman mode that's really awesome and feminine.  But that if I go into woman mode in front of them, they'll think I'm "fake" because I'm not ready yet.  (In actuality, most people like my woman mode much better, but it took me a long time to realize that and old habits die hard.)

What I'd say is to do it slowly, girl! Transition is a process, not only for the body but for the mind as well. One should always do what's comfortable for them. If your male self was fake then you cannot feel comfortable putting on that mask again so you shouldn't.

I'm still in male mode but in recent years I tried out some smaller things which help me getting some distance from the fake self but still not qualify me for womanland. For example, I use a softer voice and sometimes, but not all times, raise the pitch as well. People might look at me as gay but I don't care until they aren't hostile towards me. I smile a lot to prevent hostility and even to make some friends and it works. And I started this years before hormones. It may sound corny as it is, but I let my true self come to the surface. As slowly as she wants. No artifical mannerisms and no hard trying to comply to other people's expectations. After all, gay people are getting more and more accepted and we'd be stupid to not jump on that bandwagon, even if it's just temporary

Nobody should jump into a red dress right up from male mode. As others have pointed out, there should be no male self and no girl self, only yourself. Though I'm not sure this was the answer you were looking for

g

Quote
I totally agree with what Fencesitter mentioned before:

I can't say I totally disagree either There were times when I thought that my TS feelings are just an escapade from the normality of life, the so-called "boring people", like I wanted to be different. But later I realized that I didn't like special people more than the others. In fact, artists usually smoke and drink a lot which kind of excludes me from being in their company anyway So I'm kind of a half-artist/half-everyday person

And while it's also true that they're more open accepting people like us, don't forget that the majority of TSs strive for normality (whatever that'd be) and they have a much harder time coping with the difficulties of rejection.

g

from what i see...actually its like this...

if u a MTF , but u still in man mode, not fully women (or still beginning of HRT)

doesnt matter how hard, or how girly u are, u try to act like a girl, its still looks weird...

however....!!!

if u have complete HRT  for 1.5 years and done a FFS, u will looks completely like a cute girl

and no matter how manly u try to act, u still looks like a cute girl, eventhough u said 'im a man!!' , u still looks like a cute girl, coz ur body and face was a girl........

Hehe... I can't imagine why I would want to but I smile thinking about myself in the future looking and sounding girly throwing a cute temper tantrum trying to convince someone I'm really a boy

The idea makes me laugh... like its the exact opposite of how I feel now

Funny thing about this...
After transitioning to female, I looked at a previous picture of myself as male from 2 years ago... And I was like, oh my god that guy actually looks kinda cute, where as at the time, I hated everything about myself. How funny is that!

Quote from: bibilinda
which I see almost impossible to ever happen without the help of some surgery...
/quote]

you're missing out on an awful lot of lovely life while waiting for the impossible if that avatar your dreamself?

I don't look like a girl but I don't think I'll need to change anything. I've always acted how I want, and I've been told I act like a girl, not like a flamboyant gay guy which really makes me happy. For others I think it just takes time to stop worrying about fitting in. You're friends accept you and it sounds like they will love helping you Good luck.

Ughhhh! It's getting to the point where I feel like I've had enough being the guy! LOL Don't get me wrong, I am not ever going to deny who I am/was.  At this point of transitioning I don't think I can hide too much.
But there are times when I am out and I catch myself acting like the macho $!@#holes I hate.  Even when I would laugh before I sounded like "okay let's see how deep I can go". LOL Now, I just let myself go and yes, some people are starting to see more of Stephie than "inser macho name here". I have even seen a few people kinda look at them selves as if to say "hmm, is this guy gay?"--- In the end I couldn't feel happier for just being me. And I thank the guy in me for allowing me to stay alive and keeping me safe. I did find my wife in guy mode. Luckily, we are still together and having the time of our lives!