Quote from: jmaxley on August 25, 2010, 12:35:59 AMAnd I don't exercise nearly as much as I should.  Kind of a vicious circle--too depressed to exercise, lack of exercise contributes to the depression, when I get depressed, I eat. 

Oh, I really relate to this. I used to weigh about thirty-five pounds more because I was in that vicious circle myself. Only in my case, coming all the way out of the closet helped me to break the cycle and start exercising regularly. I've fallen off the wagon a couple of times in the past couple of years, but I always get back on. So far.

One thing that impelled me to exercise was my disgust with my body. I hated my chest and wanted it to be smaller. I started thinking about seeing a surgeon for top surgery, and I thought about how much I would hate taking my shirt off with all that extra body fat (not just in the chest). And I knew that other people would judge me based on my weight. Heck, I did. But I had disconnected myself from my body as much as possible for years. I had a sort of constant low-grade loathing of my body, but I tuned it out as much as possible. I was so disconnected that I often didn't notice when I was hungry or cold or in pain. When I came out, I woke up from that. I'm sorry it didn't happen for you...I guess, as with everything, you have to find your own trigger, your own impetus.

I completely understand the disconnect from the body thing, I have that too.  My body doesn't feel like me at all.  The dysphoria has really helped me make better health choices...it's what got me to go to the gym for several months (until I got sick with recurrent bronchitis) and helped me to work harder than I ever have at getting healthy.  It keeps me from throwing in the towel completely, even though I'm sooo frustrated at times.   I'm sure once I get back in school, it'll be easier, because I'll have pool and gym access (and I want to take a weight training class), I'll be walking more, going to classes, and I won't be sitting at home a lot being bored. 

And I'm coming down with bronchitis AGAIN.  I think this must be a record for the last year, I've gone almost three months without it.  It sucks even more because I can't bind at all when I'm sick.  BUT when I went to go to the doctor today, the one I usually see was closed, so I went to another one.  While I was there, I asked if they did hormone therapy for people who are transgender.  She said they didn't, but she was extremely understanding and far more knowledgeable about it all than any of the other health or mental health professionals I've talked to.  The staff there was really respectful too, and after I told them I was trans they didn't call me "ms." anymore after that.

She said she might know of a couple of doctors who might be willing to help me get hormones and that she would make some phone calls and get back to me.  Even if it doesn't work out, it was such a refreshing change to find someone who was understanding and respectful.

Quote from: jmaxley on August 28, 2010, 01:41:54 AM


And I'm coming down with bronchitis AGAIN.  I think this must be a record for the last year, I've gone almost three months without it.  It sucks even more because I can't bind at all when I'm sick.  BUT when I went to go to the doctor today, the one I usually see was closed, so I went to another one.  While I was there, I asked if they did hormone therapy for people who are transgender.  She said they didn't, but she was extremely understanding and far more knowledgeable about it all than any of the other health or mental health professionals I've talked to.  The staff there was really respectful too, and after I told them I was trans they didn't call me "ms." anymore after that.

She said she might know of a couple of doctors who might be willing to help me get hormones and that she would make some phone calls and get back to me.  Even if it doesn't work out, it was such a refreshing change to find someone who was understanding and respectful.

hey, that's nice.... funny how things turn out sometimes, huh?

Quote from: jmaxley on August 28, 2010, 01:41:54 AM
She said she might know of a couple of doctors who might be willing to help me get hormones and that she would make some phone calls and get back to me.  Even if it doesn't work out, it was such a refreshing change to find someone who was understanding and respectful.

Oh, man, I've got my fingers crossed for you. After all of the illness and depression and setbacks, you deserve a break.

I don't believe in deities or anything like that. But sometimes it seems as if the universe has made a special effort to take care of me. It hasn't happened lately--not to me--but maybe it's happening to you.

Keep on swimming.

I don't know how much help this will be, but whenever I'm depressed no matter the serverity it may be at the time, I listen to music mainly music that reflects my mood and it reminds me that I'm not the only one who gets depressed and it also helps me think of why I may be so down or whatever the music is comforting for me. Or I might write a poem about how I feel and that may help release my emotions. Even talking to a trusted friend can be helpful. I talk to counslers myself to explore my past and my depression that helps as well. But try to look at the positive in your life reflect on your acheivements and remember that no matter how down you may be there is always a light at the end of the tunnel waiting for you to find and suicide is never the way out of anything try to hang in there. I hope this has helped.

Quote from: Arch on August 27, 2010, 10:00:50 PM
Didn't mean to rag on you. My main point was that one man's healthy diet is another man's misery. I have spent many years figuring out what works for me, and I finally saw a dramatic decrease in mood problems. But the fundamental problem still remains and might never go away.

It's cool I think you did right by saying no to the crappy nutritionist and exploring your own way.

And @jmaxley that's totally blows about having the reoccurring bronchitis, but that was good news about the understanding doctors and the possible referral. I used to get bronchitis at least twice a year when I was in college. Along with what your doc is suggesting you might also try taking vitamin D3 to help boost your immune system and drink lots of water because water helps thin out mucus that builds up. Good luck with everything

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 28, 2010, 12:02:02 PM
It's cool I think you did right by saying no to the crappy nutritionist and exploring your own way.

Heh. If I hadn't stopped eating her low-fat diet (which was full of all sorts of high-carb foods that do nasty things to my insides), I would have had to start carrying a port-a-potty everywhere I went. On the freeway, out on the hiking trail...yeah, right.

Quote from: Arch on August 28, 2010, 01:59:45 PM
Heh. If I hadn't stopped eating her low-fat diet (which was full of all sorts of high-carb foods that do nasty things to my insides), I would have had to start carrying a port-a-potty everywhere I went. On the freeway, out on the hiking trail...yeah, right.

Oy, yeah, that was a really bad nutritionist - with no comprehension that grains (found in almost all carb foods) can literally be poison to some people. I'm glad you found something else that works for you.

Yeah, I know some people can't eat wheat...high carb diet wouldn't be good for them.  I'd like to go vegetarian but my body craves meat, especially since my T levels have been higher.

My car broke down on my (again) yesterday.  Hopefully I can get someone to come out and look at it Wednesday, this is driving me crazy.  Had to cancel my therapist appointment for tomorrow. 

If I don't hear from the doc this week, I'm going to try dropping by Monday if the car's fixed by then and ask her if she's found anything.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up.  I thought about checking with the bank about getting a small loan for medical reasons but my mom would never co-sign for it.     I hope the doc I talked with is able to find someone who will see me for a reasonable price.  She did tell me that once I got on T and got a hysto, I'd feel so much better.

Quote from: jmaxley on August 31, 2010, 12:27:05 AM
Yeah, I know some people can't eat wheat...high carb diet wouldn't be good for them.  I'd like to go vegetarian but my body craves meat, especially since my T levels have been higher.

There's a lot of people that just aren't cut out to be vegetarian. However, there is a way you can pull off not eating meat daily. Whey protein shakes are pretty good to make up for protein intake when not eating meat and they're pretty good to help "bulk up" while working out. On the meat front, go for "free range" stuff if you can find it in the grocery store - way more quality than the fast food variety of meat.

Hope the car situation works out. I wasn't actually able to buy a new car until after I was 30 and before then I just had these hand-me-down or cheap clunkers that ended up costing me an arm and a leg in the long run because they were always having trouble. If you have any sort of credit capabilities at all you might actually look into a new/newer economy car. For me, the monthly payment wasn't that rough and just having a reliable vehicle was kinda priceless.