It has only just occured to me recently that my biggest stages when I crave being male the most is before and during my period. It's also the time each month that I get really depressed and I feel like I constantly want to cry. It hurts like freaking hell and what for, being a fertile female? Pffffffft.
I never want to give both, it's discusting and the idea feels completely wrong coming from me, I want to be holding my wife's hand if anything and she can be the one giving birth. I DON'T want to go anywhere near childbirth myself.

If I could I would cut out my femine insides RIGHT now if I had the tools. Though part of me does want children and it would probbaly be best to store some eggs or something because I still want to one day see a little me looking back at me. I just don't want to be their mum.

I dread my periods and tha could possibley be why they have recently been late or delayed hwich makes them even more painful. I have lost a lot of weight recently and I feel contsantly sick and achey. I don't have much of an appertite while I feel sick and I feel more sick after i've eaten but I still force myself to eat as much as I can. It really upsets me too because I LIKE my food and my sister pigs out like mad and my Girlfriend starves herself. Its almost mocking me. I have also been finding it hard to sleep and it's driving me to the point of insane. Again, I get severely worse insomnia around the time of my period now I think about it.

I really hate this, it feels like God is playing some sick joke on me. It really is'nt funny.
I am starting to hate socializing in the way I look, I don't want to talk to anyone but my friends.
I don't like seeing my family because I feel like they will all hate me if and when this all comes out.
My cup size is size G and I can never get my chest flat enough. I'm never rid of the tumours.

But the absolute worst is that I will NEVER get a penis that is like a natural one.
I want to be exactly like a normal guy in every way, but it's just not possible...
I want to ejaculate and everything. It's just not fair. Why did I have to be born a girl?

ditto

but at the same time, we are what we are and we will be what we will be. there is nothing you can do about that and the sooner you come to peace with the fact that you are special in ways that many people could ever dream of, the sooner you'll feel more relaxed into who you really are beneath the periods and lack of a bulge downstairs.

not that im never at that low spot that youre at right now.

Thank you. D: It just feels like I will never be happy with the way I am untill I look and feel male.

My mother and sister have said that I am really pretty but it's a waste because I don't look girly.

My hope just is that I would be a handsome guy as I was a pretty girl. I really hope so.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way but I do understand. Mine cause me to feel the same way. I used to go through every piece of clothing in my closet during my stupid monthly in an attempt to find anything that helped me pass. Even with double binding and the baggiest clothes I still swore I saw boobs. I agree with Jesse tho, eventually I found that inner peace and realized that things could be worse. Maybe there is someone who can be your person to talk it through with? In my case it was the only thing that helped. I understand the hurt of realizing you'll never be a bio guy but maybe try thinking about it like this... your being trans gives you a chance to see things from both sides. In my case that made me more accepting which had I not been so accepting I never would have met my partner of five years. I don't know what your beliefs are but mine is that everything happens for a reason. As for your last comment. I'm sure you will be a very handsome guy inside and out because it is clear that you have a caring side that some bio men are afraid to show. (please no one take that offensively because I am not trying to insult bio guys or anything it's just something I've noticed from some guys)

No offence taken. I guess if I had'nt been born female I would'nt have met my current Girlfriend/Best friend at Brownies. There are times I forget about being FtM but when I remember it's hellish again, even if I come to terms with it I don't think I will ever be fully happy being female. I think hopefully I could come to terms with the way I am now but I don't think I could accept staying like this forever.

And it saddens me that I will never be fully male, but MtF don't get periods (even though I find the IDEA of anyone actually wanting periods crazy but yeah XD) so it is only fair... In a way.

I kinda hope my sensitiveness does'nt bring down my manliness, but I find more sensitive guys more approachable so hopefully other people would have it with me. And I am glad you think I might be handsome at the end of this. 

Don't count on being a handsome man just because you started out as a pretty girl. I was reasonably attractive when I presented as female, now, at best, I could be described as average as I become more masculine.

Focus on being male rather than handsome, then anything else is a bonus.

My period stopped after 9 weeks on T and it has made a huge difference to the dysphoria.

Being sensitive doesn't make you less of a man, well, that's my opinion.

I know how you feel, since I've gotten this way multiple times. All I can say is hang in there, some of these things will never be fixed (penis, etc.) and your only hope really is to eventually come to terms with it. I wish you luck.

Someday, it will be a thing of the past! (Hysterectomy? T? Menopause?)

(Implanon.  My periods have vanished since I started it.)

Anyway, I second all of the above and don't have much to add.

I am so there with you today!!!  I just admitted to myself and my wife a couple days ago that I was a transman and today I got my period.  I am in such gender disphoria!!! I just want it to go away.  I have never wanted to give birth to a child --- but I have loved raising them.  I am almost 40 ... so part of me thinks to transition would be pointless...until mother nature comes calling and I am so depressed and annoyed with it all.  I am so with you on why couldn't I have been born the right gender - why do I have to go through all this crap

That mthly enermy is just how I fill when its here. I get very down around the time I am due. And I fill just the same on the child subject. I would love kids ect but like u said I would love to be the one who's beside the one who's pregnent no way would I have a kid myself. But I have been thinking verry strongley about frizing mt eggs before I start T

Quote from: Argent on August 30, 2010, 09:05:39 AM
If I could I would cut out my femine insides RIGHT now if I had the tools. Though part of me does want children and it would probably be best to store some eggs or something because I still want to one day see a little me looking back at me. I just don't want to be their mum.

This is me, too! I got my period today, and I was extremely depressed today. Everyone at school was wondering why I wouldn't talk (or move really), when I was just sitting there on the verge of tears. I don't know what to do. I hate the thought of being able to be pregnant... it makes me want to cut out my uterus, throw it into the dirt and stomp on it. If only I could...

Quote from: The Unforgiven on September 02, 2010, 09:34:13 PM
throw it into the dirt and stomp on it. If only I could...

Aw man that would be satisfying. I hate that thing so much. Someday!

Hmm I don't know guys, periods suck any ftm knows that. Even some chicks that are happy being chicks know that. I guess its just something we have to deal with. Just chill out with all you know? Ask yourself this.."What can i do about it right now?" if the anwer is NOTHING than what is the point of stressing out about it, you know? I know everybody needs to vent but don't let it eat you up like that inside dude. The whole eating thing, your losing weight you say right because eating makes you sick? Try switching to light meals fellowed up some kind of bread should keep food down...If your stomach starts hurting take something for it..if it keeps hurting go see the doctor... Now when it comes to sleeping...right before bed...work out or something like an hour or so before your going to bed therefore you get sleepy and after awhile your chest size should go down..(don't mean that in a rude way) and you know what! I know it sucks knowing you'll never have a REAL penis but on the up's you always know what a girl really wants in bed because you'll know what bottons to hit if you were born a dude more than likely you wouldn't have a clue really...You were born a female therefore you'll always know how to connect with your girl on a level that a guy just cant because you'll know what those feelings were like yourself! So you could have that manly side that some girls want but yet that girly side that knows what to give a women...So your kinda like the best of both worlds in way...Guess what I'm gettin at is always look at the bright side..yeah their will for sure be ->-bleeped-<- holes but there always is a good side to every problem...! & about  hurting something i do well did was eat bananas every day of my period all the way up to the last day..for the first two months it didn't help really but after that I pretty much stopped hurting now I don't even hurt when that time comes...