Forgive me folks, I'm not really sure why I'm posting this other than to get it off my chest. (Yeah I know but I still feel like *I* need a good reason to post no matter what the site.) I was reading a bunch of sections, both just reading and making notes of which threads I still need to reply to (sorry) and I was noticing that this site has a bunch of characters. You know who you are.

Anyway, some comments made me laugh, which made me feel good. It released some tension. And then I felt the need to have a good cry to relieve some more tension. It wasn't the right time for it so I decided to wait until lunchtime when I usually close my door. (Nobody knows about me here with one exception and he pretty much thinks I'm in la-la land.) You know the thinking, if a man is crying there must be a "good" reason for it. Of the 11 people here including me only one is a woman and I'm not sure how she'd react so I want some privacy (maybe even a barricade) to cry. I don't want to have to explain or have them think I'm weird.

I just need a good cry, that's all. The thing is it doesn't feel weird either to feel like I need a good cry or that I'm OK with needing to do that. I was SO not raised that way. I could cry if I needed to but relieving tension wasn't a good enough reason.

I guess this is what happens when you start letting all that crap go and stop hiding from yourself. Things like being OK with needing a good cry just because you need one. I hate to be trite but it feels great not to hide from myself. Heh, I can't believe I'm actually sitting here trying to figure out whether I want to eat first or cry first. It's still somewhat weird but it feels good too, you know?

Casey,

Cry first (wonder which one you chose?)  You will either work up an appetite or, more likely, eat less because you are still a little emotional.  (Personally, I could stand to lose more pounds, so that sounds good to me).

OK, enough of the foolishness...how in the world can anyone seriously tell someone else to cry or eat first??  I must have lost my mind for even trying...LOL  (The rest of you--behave yourselves--we are all aware that I lost my mind years ago and there is no need to point that out to the whole world.)

You made several comments that I think were wonderful.  The fact that is doesn't feel weird to feel like you need a good cry and that it is OK really hit me, too.  Like you, I was raised with a "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" mentality.  You are right, it does feel good when you start letting all the crap go and just be yourself  (although, I do get some strange looks from folks sometimes).

One other thing...getting something off your chest is a great reason to post, as is just about any other "non-reason" you can think of...no more of the "Forgive me folks".  You just made a great post that touched me (and probably others).  Be proud of who you are, and know that I, for one, am darn glad you posted.  Now, get out there and post some more!!  (Like you're gonna mind any better than my kid ever has...LOL)

........Laurie

Actually I chose to laugh. Homer and I played a couple of games of Euchre against Nelson and Krusty. (I downloaded a Simpsons skin a while ago.) I still feel that tension though. It's good to know that I have a few ways I can (as in, will let myself) deal with it.

I still deal with self-esteem issues. So it's nice to hear you be supportive and kick my butt a little. I actually need both of that as I keep testing the waters. Learning the rules again of interacting with people, as my psychologist says.

Quote from: Casey on November 30, 2006, 10:58:24 AM
So it's nice to hear you be supportive and kick my butt a little. I actually need both of that as I keep testing the waters. Learning the rules again of interacting with people, as my psychologist says.

Nurturing and Tough as nails...a fine androgynous combination...ahh yes.  Actually, most of us need support with an occassional butt-kicking every now and then just to keep us honest.

When it comes to learning the rules, most of us just try to do what feels right.  I'm a big believer in the Golden rule, treat others like you want to be treated.  Unfortunately, that only works if you are a decent person to start with.  Not sure how it works for Masochists or folks with a death wish.  For those horse's rears that treat others badly, I'm a big believer in Karma and the universe has a way of evening things out.

Glad to know that you are allowing your true nature to come through.  It is amazing what we find when we drop the facade and let go of our fears.  Give 'em heck, Casey!

.....Laurie

Sometimes it can be overwhelming when you relizing that the way you are is okay. It's like, oh, so I'm not a freak that's all alone in the world? Who'da thunk it? I always cry when parents accept their children in documentaries, like in Gender Rebels shown on Logo. I wish I had that.

Quote from: Ethan Michael on December 01, 2006, 03:59:50 AM
Sometimes it can be overwhelming when you relizing that the way you are is okay. It's like, oh, so I'm not a freak that's all alone in the world? Who'da thunk it?

I know exactly what you mean. It would be nice if people would tell you in advance that it's accepting the smaller things that will blow your mind. Maybe it's simply that the smaler things are more insidiously ingrained than the bigger things.

And that's exactly the word I used to use to describe myself: freak.

QuoteI always cry when parents accept their children in documentaries, like in Gender Rebels shown on Logo. I wish I had that.

Someday Ethan, someday. I choose to believe that.