Jerica,
It pains my heart to hear of how you have suffered even to this day. You are not alone in this as it is a pain I also share, so hugs from me to you on this important date. By choosing to transition, I too have chosen life as I could not have gone on much longer as I was. Stories like yours are an inspiration to newbies like me. They help me face the future with optimism and gratefulness.
As a Christian, I feel that I now present myself as I truly am to God. The pathways between us have been cleared for lack of a better term. I have had a couple of instances in the last week that have driven that point home. The most significant happened a week ago when I was at a pretty low point and I started to doubt. I prayed a little short prayer that night when I heard a voice say "you are on the right path." I was pretty surprised as I have heard of this kind of thing happening, but I always doubted that it could be real. Just stories made up by crazy religious people. Some might say that it was my own subconscious or something along those lines, but I just know that it wasn't my usual "inner narrative" voice. Next morning I heard it again and it said "do not fear."
Well, I still have a lot of fear. Especially about how I will be treated in my community and church, but I cling to the knowledge that this is the only way forward for me. My suicide by passive or aggressive means would leave my wife a widow and my son fatherless. At least this way, I can still be around to maybe be a spouse (if my wife wishes to continue) and definitely still be a parent.
God loves you as he loves all of us and, despite what those men said, nothing can take that away.
