So today at work I had one of my friends poking around with what was going on with me. She knew it was something really big, that I had been seriously struggling with something and had been very depressed, then suddenly seemed resigned, finally becoming accepting then where I am now to being happy.
So she began piecing everything she knew about me, various things I've said over the last year, and suddenly she stops and goes, "Oh my God I just figured out what it is!", I said what is it then and her response told me she possibly did have it. She said she couldn't say it right now because people are around but wait til break. She kept saying it makes everything make sense and now everything clicked with me.
Finally we are told to go to break, and she says ok, please don't freak out on me and think I'm stupid if I'm way off. After assuring her that the last thing I would do is freak out regardless of what she said, she started to say it, stopped, then said, "Ok, are you gay?", she phrased it in a way that she already knew the answer. I said close, but then reminded her that it was very extreme. Then she said, "Ok thought so, you're transgender aren't you?" I shrugged and said yes!
So I was standing there petrified to her response. I mean she is very gorgeous, a girl in every sense, manicured nails every week with a new design, perfect natural blonde hair that naturally waved around her face. I mean she's beautiful! So she grabs my by the arm, practically runs me outside and to the side of the building and gives me the BIGGEST hug ever and says she is SO proud of me, and thinks this is so amazing and she's super excited for me. She was literally forcing herself to not cry. She explained she had actually watched tons of videos on transgendered people, had researched it and knew a LOT about it. We talked for a few minutes and she does in fact know a lot.
She said to not worry, she won't tell anyone about this, she thanked me for trusting her with something so huge and important and gave me another hug then said again she was super excited!!!
So now I have another ally, and one I didn't expect to be so supportive! She's super excited, and completely out of character is now making contact outside of work for no other reason then to let me know she's there and cares!
But that's not all!!!!!!
So after telling my dad I held off on sending another e-mail to my last brother to tell, or at least the last one I plan to tell. I was in such a good mood about what happened at work that I went ahead and sent my brother a short e-mail explaining what was going on with me. Within an hour I received the following:
QuoteHey bro,
I'm not sure why you'd think I'd distance myself from you, cuz I won't. Bottom line is I love you regardless of anything. I'm sad you are going through this and that there is nothing I can do to help. I've known you struggled with some things similar to this over the years, maybe not to this degree, but I knew you had some issues with it in the past. I hope dad doesn't disown you, but if he does, it is out of guilt. He is responsible for a lot of crap and doesn't know how to deal with it. You were put into a horrible situation as a young child that warped you out of a normal existence. Not saying that you wouldn't have these same feelings, but you didn't have a normal child hood.
Obviously I wish you would continue to see a good therapist and continue working on what is going on with you, but if you've made up your mind, it's your life and I'll love you regardless. I'm sure you've heard enough from everyone else so I won't add on too much. Only thing I wonder with you is this. what if years down the road your kids come looking for you. How would you deal with that? The other thing I'll say is I've been real happy for you for finding Nicole. For the first time in many years, I thought you were finally finding some happiness. So, I'm sad for that ending.
I do love you and sorry I've been crazy busy, but both Sarah and I love you regardless.
Keep the faith and try praying about it. Things can always get better and I know you've had a horrible last oh 20 some years or so, but keep your head up.
Love ya.
So minus the "Hey bro," at the beginning.... It's amazing! And I can totally ignore that because for the last 15 years every time we have sent an e-mail to each other it has began with, "Hey bro,". So I can definitely overlook this transgression lol
So I have had an amazing day! I am super excited and now am thinking of telling another really good friend tomorrow. I had planned to wait til Nov to transition but if I keep getting this much support I very well may just go ahead and begin even if I don't pass yet!!!! I am so happy right now I just want to cry!!!!
I'm off to bed! I hope everyone had a great day! Night all!!!
