I need a little help explaining being trans or why people are transgender. I tried to explain it to my ex, but he just doesn't get it.

He says, "You've never actually been a man, so how would you know how it 'feels' like to be a man". I asked him, "well why do you feel like a man?" and he says, "because I am a man. I have a penis and xy chromosomes".

He also says, "well what if I said I feel like a dog, it's the same thing". He says "so I should go get surgery to look like a dog?".

I'm just banging my head against a wall trying to get him to understand. He also doesn't understand why I'm offended about the dog example. But he insists it's the same thing.

I've copied and pasted a lot of the wiki, but I'm afraid it's just too much info for him to take in. We'll see how that goes.

Hi Shayne...

He (your ex) doesn't seem to be able to grasp the basic principle that there is such as thing as brain sex...

As he's a man call it the CPU wiring.... if its female in male body you get an XY female... and if its male in a female body you get an XX man....(simples)...

To get the whole darn contraption working back in harmony, it important to get the internals and externals wired up/plugged in correctly...

Fortunately some clever medics have written a manual on how to go about this...

Finally if your ex did have a dog brain, then he might indeed which to move to a furry, sniff and bark world of being on all fours...

So throw that stick out and see what happens?

QuoteHe also says, "well what if I said I feel like a dog, it's the same thing". He says "so I should go get surgery to look like a dog?".

I never understood that argument.  Male and female humans are of the same species.  The only real difference between the two is prenatal hormones - and a problem with those is the most likely cause for our condition.  Hormones after birth are almost as good, they just can't change the sex-specific reproductive organs or reform bone that has already developed.  Humans and dogs are not the same species ... it would take a *lot* of surgery and/or genetic engineering to accomplish that transition.  That he can even compare the two with a straight face speaks about his intelligence 

A friend of mine at my school's pride club asked me the "why be trans" question last year.  (Ha, he thinks I'm a member because I'm gay, which I may be, but not in the direction he thinks!)  Anyway, it was, I assume, a lot easier to explain to someone who's genuinely interested and already familiar with LGB issues.  I explained to him the two sides of things as I understand them.  I said something along the lines of "Some folks just don't feel at home in their bodies, a condition known as dysphoria, and feel that having bodies of the opposite biological sex would make them more comfortable.  Additionally, some people feel that they fit better into the gender roles assigned to the opposite gender of what they were assigned at birth, and they want to be seen and treated as a member of that gender by society." 

Shayne, there are some points I'd try to make to your ex if you really want to try to educate him, but don't forget the old saying "you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"; some people are so stuck in their way of thinking about something that they'll resist all evidence against them and bury their heads in the sand.  If he doesn't understand that being a man is about more than the downstairs plumbing and genes, you'll have to start from scratch on explaining what gender is in the first place. 

I've been trying to think of good explanations too, to prepare for when I come out to the 'general public.'  Here's what I've got:

"How do you know you're male?"  If you get the response you did, ask him this.

"What if you were in a car accident and lost your penis?  Would this automatically change you to female?" 

Then I would bring up intersex people, and chromosome differences.  Examples:
XX Male
XXY Male
XY Female

The bottom line is that chromosomes and genitals do not necessarily determine someone's gender.  The existence of XX males, XY females and intersex people proves that.

I would also try to explain body dysphoria.  Ask him "How would you feel if you woke up in a female body one day?  And then was told you had to live in it for the rest of your life?"

Quote from: Ilan Reshon on September 05, 2010, 03:30:43 AM
If he doesn't understand that being a man is about more than the downstairs plumbing and genes, you'll have to start from scratch on explaining what gender is in the first place. 

This too.  Knowing the difference between gender and sex is important in understanding any of this.

May I make a suggestion?

Some people ask such questions because they are genuinely interested and want to discuss and know. In these cases, you should have a reasonably civilised discussion. Perhaps some resolution.

Others ask simply to put you down. There is nothing to discuss with them. They have no respect for you and simply want to run your life.

Next time this subject comes up, as the person to say why they don't think being transexual is real.

let them talk, when they've finished, if they allow you to respond then you can. If they don't then it's obvious they don't respect you and they can be safely dumped like the used toilet paper they are.

Having a penis and XY chromosomes makes you physically male. Not a man.
Adapt for female/woman.

99.99% are fortunate enough for their genders to be congruent with their physical sex, others are not.

Mind = Male
Body = Female
Treatment: Make body male.

(Reverse for the ladies).


Jay

Mind = Female
Brain = Female
Body = Male AIS

Treatment: Therapy, HRT, Real Life Test, Multiple Surgeries = Better, happier successful more genuine and complete womanly life....

(adapt as necessary)