Hello everyone.

I'm new to these forums and I'm a 21 year old male who has been in and out on the thought of a gender change. I'm having trouble figuring out if what I really want is to live the rest of my life as a female, or not. I admit that I am uncomfortable living as a male. Right now there's at least 200 confused thoughts swirling around in my head pertaining to what it is I want and why. I know what it is I want, but I don't know why. Sometimes I feel I could be making the wrong thoughts based on my feelings. But then again, my feelings just remind me that I believe I don't fit the part of a male.

So, here I am to ask for some help, advice, and perhaps some inspiration.

What is trans-sexualism? Is it really as plain-viewed as a transitional change between genders based upon what an individual wants done? Or is there some deeper meaning to how it all works? Emotions/feelings? Some reason sexually related? Maybe it's about work opportunities?

I never really synced with my male friends, unless it was video games or something that everyone could generally associate interests with without the dominant-labeling of it being a male/female thing. And with my female friends, I find myself talking to them more often about anything than with my male friends. I've taken numerous personality tests and career tests. Every outcome/result ends up being me having either a more feminine-like brain than masculine, or having too large of a artistic side to life than being technical, analytical, etc.

My parent's, two brothers, friends, and anyone else I know, do not know of this yet. The fact that I feel this awkward and uncomfortable.

So, what does one in my position do about these unwavering feelings? Could simply just being uncomfortable be enough for a passable reason?

Hello Jules and welcome to Susan's!

Quote from: Juleswhat is a transsexual?

ANSWER

You can also view this link in our wiki for further information.


I guess the answer lays on what you think you are.  Are you a woman?  Do you identify yourself as a girl despite your physical appearance? Do you want to live as a woman the rest of your life 24/7, 365 days a year until the day you are no more? Do you want to alter you body so that it is congruent with your inner self?  Are you willing to be the woman you are in all aspects of life and not just in some?

To me, transsexualism is a constant, sophocating, torturing feeling of disgust and hatred towards my male anatomy.   Why? because I am a woman and a woman is not supposed to have a male anatomy.   I know that not all transsexuals feel exactly this way, but somehow the definition of our feelings have something in common.


tinkerbell

Hello and Welcome, Jules!

When I was about your age (about 30 years ago) I finally realized the reason I felt so different from everyone else was that I was I "female soul" in a male body.  I made the decision then that this was who I was and that I'd have to find a way to live with it.  That decision had a huge impact on my life, not much of it positive.

If you're struggling with your identity it may be in your interest to find and begin seeing a therapist who specializes in gender issues.  The therapist can help you clarify things for yourself.  Another way is to read as much of the information that you can find on the WWW and see if and how it relates to your own experience.  We are all very different but I've seen a common thread in most TS member's experiences here at Susan's and on other sites also.  I think most of the differences are merely a matter of degree.

I, myself, followed both strategies.  And I recommend both but not everyone thinks the way I do so you should do what feels right for yourself.  In the meantime, read and study and share here at Susan's.  Doing so has helped me tremendously because of the members' kindness, honesty and willingness to be supportive, even if it manifests itself as a kick in the posterior.

I hope to read more from you, Jules, and I'm again very happy to say,

WELCOME ! ! 
helen

Hiee,

  First I'm certainly no gender specialist. I will say though that the best specialist is the one within you, provided you are Totally Honest with yourself. If you have intense feelings of dis-approval of things you may have done to express any percieved feminine side then a thearapists would likely be a good choice in order to work thru them. Somewhere along the line though you will need to be diagnosed in order to proceed with transitioning from your birth gender to your identified gender if that is in EFFECT what you need to do. The first step I think would be broaching the subject with your family doctor if you feel comfortable with that and moving forward from there.

Byee
  Brina

Quote from: Tinkerbell on December 02, 2006, 11:11:47 PM

I guess the answer lays on what you think you are.  Are you a woman?  Do you identify yourself as a girl despite your physical appearance? Do you want to live as a woman the rest of your life 24/7, 365 days a year until the day you are no more? Do you want to alter you body so that it is congruent with your inner self?  Are you willing to be the woman you are in all aspects of life and not just in some?

To me, transsexualism is a constant, sophocating, torturing feeling of disgust and hatred towards my male anatomy.   Why? because I am a woman and a woman is not supposed to have a male anatomy.   I know that not all transsexuals feel exactly this way, but somehow the definition of our feelings have something in common.


tinkerbell

Agreed. And no therapist will sanction someone if they are on the fence.

Jules, just because you are unsure at this point, could just mean you need more time to find what is right for you. There are so many unique aspects to gender and gender expression these days, you will likely find a good place for you. Wasn't until I started playing around a dyke board did I realise the true extent of this variation, I so love diversity!

Anyway, best thing to do is to listen. Listen to what is deep within you, for only then can you find what is right for you.

Hi Jules,

To me knowing what/who I am isn't at all compicated.  I've wanted to be a girl all my life.  When I gave myself the opportunity to follow my heart I suddenly felt the weight of the world fall from my shoulders.  That's when I knew for sure.

I think too many of us get caught up in societal expectations and that causes our confusion.  If you can remove them from your thoughts and analyze what your true feelings are, you should get a pretty good idea of where you stand.

When we view the prospect of coming out to family and friends I think most of us expect them to be resistant to our natural inclinations.  If they respond negatively it's mostly because their life has been hit with a major shock and they blame us for it when in fact it's not our job to make them comfortable.  They just have convinced themselves they will never have to deal with something like this and they aren't prepared.

Most importantly, when looking at what it is you truly want, make sure you aren't living your life in a way that makes everyone else happy at the expense of your own happiness.

Julie

Thanks for the responses everyone. Truthfully, lots of times I do feel I am a woman, or more feminine than male for a guy. Depending on what it is I do I suppose. After all, I've lived my life doing male things up to now.

I don't know how to begin comparing myself to the likeness of a female in activities and preferences, yet. But I am interested in looking into getting help from a therapist. And I will begin to do more research as a part of me positively feels that this may be the right thing for me to pursue.

Thank you for clarifying some thoughts for me.

Hi Jules, like a lot of others have said, you need to take the time to explore yourself and figure out what and why you truly want.  I remember when I was at the phase you are now.  My problem was that in order to give living as male a good attempt, I had to suppress a lot of stuff and I needed to take the time to unsupress a lot of stuff.  However, once I did, I came to realize how much I needed transition and about 6 months later I started living fulltime as a woman.  To be perfectly honest, I love it--every bit of it.  Fortunately for you, you are 21 and have time on your side.  That means you won't need to rush and you can take your time to thoroughly explore.  Read through posts on this board.  There is so much information.

Melissa

I wouldn't worry about "be[ing] the woman you are in all aspects of life". There's so much talk of that here and it's frankly a little disappointing. Why go through so much effort trying to prove to the world that we don't all have to fit into society's little boxes... when your intention really is to do exactly that? It's just a different box, that's all.

Don't worry about "female" activities or "female" dress or "female" thinking or any of that. There's no such thing. All you need to worry about, with regard to transsexualism, is whether your life overall would be more fulfilling and enjoyable if you went on hormones and/or got surgery (and of course had to deal with the consequences).

If you find that that's the case, go for it. If not, that's OK too. You can still be "feminine" without doing all that stuff. And you can still be "masculine" even if you do go through with it. Be whoever you want to be, dress however you want to dress, enjoy whatever hobbies you enjoy. Unfortunately there will be people in the world who might look down on you for that kind of stuff, but you'll get that with anything. Worry about what makes you happy first.