> Ah...where to begin... I'm nervous.
> I just found this website today. I've been wanting to join some sort of online group for a while, just to talk things over since i've been changing quite a bit recently. I apologize if my story is a bit long:
> When i was young, i seemed normal enough. Wore girls clothing, got my ears pierced, the lot. But as i look back, i only did those things because everyone else did. Not that i had a problem with it in the least (although i hate earrings now...).
> During highschool i decided i was a tomboy, and dressed accordingly. S-Sort of. I've always failed at fashion, so i mostly wore t-shirts and jeans (still do!). I stopped wearing my earrings and, subconsciously, my perception of gender was skewed to a point where i thought i was sexist against girls. To this day i still joke "I hate girls!" even though i AM one. Not to offend anyone!! *nervous smile* I'm not sexist!
> For the past year, while in college, i've discovered things such as Gender Identity Disorder and Gender Dysphoria. At first i was only fascinated, then i thought "Could i possibly have a dysphoria?"
> Then, naturally, did i discover transsexualism. But the thought of taking testosterone and chopping off my chest never really occured to me. I was still quite girlish, but yet i felt like i wasn't entirely a girl. Since a few months ago, i started disliking being referred to as a girl all the time. I wanted, suddenly, to occasionally be thought of as a boy. I started pretending to be a boy on social websites.
> And then i discovered crossdressing.
> Ohh, how wonderful it is to put on a baggy tee that didn't ride up constantly, baggy knee-length shorts that didn't give you a frontal wedgie, made your TINY feet look that much bigger with bulky tennis shoes... I could never describe how wonderful it was to look at my first transformation in the mirror...
> And for the past half-year, for the longest time, i have been trying to label myself. Fun. And as i slowly gripped the idea that i was neither very feminine nor very masculine, it was like a boy's puberty suddenly hit me! I, who was convinced she was straight for 19 years, started noticing girls!! Luckily, i have been open-minded since forever and wasn't freaked out, but it sure as heck surprised me!
> Now, it is like i can imagine both sides in romance: I am a boy, and i'm opening doors for a girl, paying for her meal, smiling at her cuteness, running my hand through her hair as i give that first kiss.... and then as a girl, being in a guy's warm arms, tugging on his sleeve cutely for attention, leaning up to kiss his cheek.
> Gender gender, spinning in my head!!
> Whew.... It is only recently that i've settled somewhat, and only disclosed this confusion with my CLOSEST friends, but of course my journey is far from over.
> Well...with my heart beating a million miles, let's try an introduction...
> Hello. I am 19-years-old. I am an American. And i am an androgenous, possibly bisexual female. *small smile*
