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things im scared of when start T.

Started by Hazard "AJ", September 15, 2010, 06:41:15 PM

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JohnR

Regrets. No regrets at all.
Changing It can be frustrating wanting to see the changes but they're slow to begin with.
Not changing You will change physically, it just takes time and believe me, it's worth it.
Getting a tember. Personally I have found that my temper has improved a lot on T. I've stopped fighting the world and now I can just laugh at things that used to rile me.
Not being me as in my personality. The changes you will notice will be positive ones as the dysphoria decreases. Unless you have a lobotomy or a serious head injury you will always be you.
Not being a loving person like I am now. T doesn't stop you being a loving person. It does stop you going awwwwwww over kittens and babies and squealing over hair clips  ;)
If I did regret I scared of never getting back. That is the biggest hurdle to overcome of all the fears. You can stop T at any time but you cannot reverse the changes. Would you want to go back?
My biggest fear is being atracted to men. I have always been attracted to men. I could always see the aesthetic beauty and sexiness of women but pre-T I was never attracted to them. Now, if it moves I would happily nail it, cats run as I approach  ;) One thing to remember is that we go through the teenage boy stage of wanting to hump custard pies and watermelons too (if someone tells me now that's not normal I'll die). Testosterone just makes you more horny, you notice things you never did before. The longer I'm on T those feelings have eased off and I'm back to liking women as people. My emotional attachment is still towards men. Don't worry about temporarily being attracted to the gender you never thought you could fancy, it passes.
My oppintions chaning. That just happens as we get older.
My views ect ect. See above.
My likes and disslikes. Can't say I've noticed any real changes in this area.
I'm scared full stop. That is a good thing. It makes sure you examine yourself very closely to make sure you're on T for the right reasons.

Anyone else fill the same or felt the same.
Yes to some of it, no to others.
And what happped to you after T I became me after a lifetime of trying to be someone else. It felt like being in a play where everyone else knew their lines but I didn't have the right script.

My biggest moment of fear was when I had the first syringe in my hand poised to go in. That was a moment of real soul searching. Giving myself that shot was the best thing I ever did.

People can give you advice and we can tell you about our own experiences but when it really comes down to it you are completely alone. Family, friends, doctors, other trans people can be there to support you but the decision to take T ultimately comes down to you knowing how you need to live the rest of your life.

If you think you might want T just for the physical changes then perhaps put off taking it and give yourself time to think it through. Hopefully you have a long life ahead of you. Delaying the decision to take T for a few months or even a year or so won't spoil things if being a man is the right life for you. On the other hand if you wake up in twelve months time and think "what the hell did I nearly do to myself back there?" then not taking T will allow you to physically stay just as you are.

Testosterone is a wonderful thing, it is also very powerful and not to be abused or gone into lightly without being fully aware of all the possible consequences, both negative as well as positive.

Personally it was right for me but I would always urge caution. This is your future you're deciding. Think of the film Sliding Doors, how will your life pan out if you take T and how will it go if you remain as you are?

Good luck with making the right decision for you.
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Hazard "AJ"

altho i dont have dysphoria about my bosy all that much anymore.. I still fill the need to pass more. I hate my voice and would love a more masciling figer, before going to charing cross if u asked me 2 mths ago i be dead exsited and culdnt wait but since after i dunno..its wired i and a negertive person anyways always have been my doc tell me all the time as well as familys... Not that long ago i had mad fears about death and afterlife ect ect. my family were always why r u so negertive. but my mum wasnt the most posertive person. i guess we all have fears. Im also worred about always having this lable. as her do u remeber Aj... what the guy who used to be a women, rather then them do u now Aj the guy who did great tattooos or who works at that school ect ect...I already get people from workin pockin fun... i now hf of it is just kidding around but i just want people to just get on with it and i now they r gunna pick when things do change.. I told them the name i like and they all laughed it done sound right its stuped. ect ect..I dont want that well not from people i work with... i guess i am emaressed about being trans. i dunno.. someone once said to me why r u doing this just to meet girls.... i Thought to myself stop being so stuped u twat im not doing it for that. But i was thinking the other day i never  been in a realationship with a women and that really pissis me of.. what if i am (be a damn ->-bleeped-<-ing stuped reson that for ->-bleeped-<-ing sure) but i think i want to look male i want to sound male and would like women to look at me in that way...ect ect(u get what i mean) anyways like i said if u were to ask me 2 mths ago.. i would be yes 2morrow.. U now. mum seems to think the appiontment is a realerty hit.... Maybe i am just a botch les.. But things just fill more that that. altho i be cool going out with a women now im not even sure if i could let a women touch me like i am now ect.  i like the image of me being male with a women u now. :p
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STRM

Not on T, not got any time scale for it, but I think I'd welcome having a temper. Right now I just get frustrated (especially before my period) and it stops me from thinking clearly and reacting appropriately. Anger is something I find much easier to control. It's like having a furnace inside instead of a flood.
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Nygeel

I have 2 major fears. Right now, pre-T I have a very low sex drive. I'm afraid that when I go on T it will be overwhelming. I'm also afraid that T won't actually work. It won't make me feel comfortable in my skin.
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Tad

I only have 3 fears with T

one that... I'll switch from being bi.. to liking men only.. Not so much of an issue for myself.. but that would make things even harder on my family.
two... that T will really change my facial features.. I'm pretty satisfied with my looks right now, they are already rather masculine.. I wouldn't mind a bit of changes.. but nothing super drastic
three - that at some point in my life I would regret it. However whenever I think of that.. I just think I've never been super happy as a female.. and I've always been wayyy happier living as a male. TBH I dont' really have any body hatred.. it's more of just a nuisance having to bind and deal with periods and crap..
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zombiesarepeaceful

Didn't have time to read all replies, but I don't understand why you'd be afraid of being attracted to men. I questioned my orientation pre-T and post-T I'm finally comfortable enough with myself that I'm gay. End of story. T doesn't turn you gay, as many people think. I didn't get a temper. I actually became more chill. I didn't change, I simply became who I've always been on the inside, on the outside.
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notyouraverageguy

Quote from: Tad on September 16, 2010, 02:17:58 PM
three - that at some point in my life I would regret it. However whenever I think of that.. I just think I've never been super happy as a female.. and I've always been wayyy happier living as a male. TBH I dont' really have any body hatred.. it's more of just a nuisance having to bind and deal with periods and crap..
Same here, I don't want to regret it at all..but I don't think ill be okay with myself trying to live as female. Im way more comfortable this way. And all this extra stuff us transguy have to do & worry about is a big nuisnace.
Gender expression is NOT gender identity.

Defective Catastrophe.
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Farm Boy

Quote from: jmaxley on September 15, 2010, 08:49:02 PM
Most of my fears revolve around the social aspects...will I be able to fit in with the guys, will I ever be able to find a partner, dealing with doctors and others who know/find out I'm trans.  That kind of thing.  And there is the fear that I'll regret it.

I made a post about my fears a few days ago, but this covers it pretty well.  Also, am I the odd one out who's actually afraid of becoming straight?  I know it's a silly thing to be afraid of, but I like guys, and want to continue liking guys.  Eh.

As far as your likes/dislikes and your personality changing though, it's not going to change you into a different person.  You may relate to things differently, but T can't change who you are as a person. 
Started T - Sept. 19, 2012
Top surgery - Jan. 16, 2017
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Fencesitter

Quote from: Farm Boy on September 16, 2010, 04:13:26 PMAs far as your likes/dislikes and your personality changing though, it's not going to change you into a different person.  You may relate to things differently, but T can't change who you are as a person.

Yeah. A couple of things may change though, just by hormones, even without social transition - and I was only part-time until testosterone worked for a year so I think it's just the hormones which worked here. Plus I stopped testosterone one year ago and this also gives some clues. Well here's the list of changes to expect on testosterone:

- crying less or crying becomes even impossible, even if you want to
- almost or completely losing your "it's small and cute, I want to cuddle it" instincts
- it may get difficult to talk about your feelings, you have trouble finding words for them
- HORNY!
- multi-tasking talent decreases
- more focus on details
- being more out-ward with your aggressions. Testo does not cause aggressions but influences how you deal with them.

etc.


So sure, you will change.
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Nathan.

Quote from: Fencesitter on September 16, 2010, 04:26:28 PMTesto does not cause aggressions but influences how you deal with them.

I wonder what it will do to my temper, I just hope it helps me express it as i'm really bad at dealing with anger right now.
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Hazard "AJ"

Quote from: Fencesitter on September 16, 2010, 04:26:28 PM
Yeah. A couple of things may change though, just by hormones, even without social transition - and I was only part-time until testosterone worked for a year so I think it's just the hormones which worked here. Plus I stopped testosterone one year ago and this also gives some clues. Well here's the list of changes to expect on testosterone:

- crying less or crying becomes even impossible, even if you want to
- almost or completely losing your "it's small and cute, I want to cuddle it" instincts
- it may get difficult to talk about your feelings, you have trouble finding words for them
- HORNY!
- multi-tasking talent decreases
- more focus on details
- being more out-ward with your aggressions. Testo does not cause aggressions but influences how you deal with them.

etc.


So sure, you will change.

I dunno why i scared for.. But i like being a loving caring person and like to talk about my fillings as it makes it easyer, i would like that fact that it might make me stick up for myself. But i ave 6 nephews and a niace (sorry if spelled wrong) and 2 of my nephews im very close to epeserley the youngest whos 2..i love that boy like his my own. i smile every time i see him.. I hope that that wont change after T... Im just scared of alot of things.. Im scared of what people will think i scare that i will change in someways that im a jackass a lose some of my family ect ect... I couldnt think of my world without my sisters kids. and her youngest means everythink to me. Like i said im prob being stuped... But i am also scared of outside changes. I want a deep voice and faceal hair and mans figger Now but what if i dont 5/10 years down the line. then thats it i will never be the person i am today. I want to make sure in 100% on this. Like i said to a friend its like anythink. A cake might look gd but sometimes when u tast it its not what u expected. (U get me) I dunno i fill like a man and i like to be nown as a man. ect ect. and i used to cry about my body all the time. but now not really altho i have to wear a binder everytime i leave the house. when i see my chest it dont really bother me...u now..i dunno maybe i should go to my doc again for pro help..
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Mark

Quote from: Nygeel on September 16, 2010, 01:50:03 PM
I have 2 major fears. Right now, pre-T I have a very low sex drive. I'm afraid that when I go on T it will be overwhelming. I'm also afraid that T won't actually work. It won't make me feel comfortable in my skin.
Pre-T i had a low sex drive, possibly due to my medications, and on T my sex drive has increased but its not out of control, by any means.   
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Mark

Also.. and alot of people talk about regret.. There was just recently a post about not transitioning and misidentifying themselves, you should probably read that. Myself, I never thought about having regrets because I knew for me it was 100% the right thing to do, so i didn't run into that problem. Until you feel that T is 100% the right thing for you, you probably shouldn't considering T just yet.
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Tad

Quote from: Femboy on September 16, 2010, 03:20:29 PM
Same here, I don't want to regret it at all..but I don't think ill be okay with myself trying to live as female. Im way more comfortable this way. And all this extra stuff us transguy have to do & worry about is a big nuisnace.

In response to your response to my post..

while regret is a fear.. I don't think I would have any regrets.. I guess more what I fear is the unknown.. and regret is just the label thrown on that. I'm someone who likes to be in complete control.. so what if T causes something I don't like.. that's more what my fear is I think more then anything..

I can't see myself ever having a quality life as a female.. I doubt I could ever find a spouse, or really be happy with myself, I'd just continue to cycle in and out of depression.. and live a very awkward life tricking people into believing I was male.....

So yeah, T is for me. I just don't like the whole unknwon bit.
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zombiesarepeaceful

Personally, the unknown of T was far less of a risk than the threat of being stuck in a not masculine body for life. I would've rather died than not start t. My only fear was that T wouldn't work on me, and I'd still look like a...yeah.
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notyouraverageguy

Quote from: Tad on September 16, 2010, 11:37:54 PM
I'm someone who likes to be in complete control.. so what if T causes something I don't like.. that's more what my fear is I think more then anything..

I can't see myself ever having a quality life as a female.. I doubt I could ever find a spouse, or really be happy with myself, I'd just continue to cycle in and out of depression.. and live a very awkward life tricking people into believing I was male.....

So yeah, T is for me. I just don't like the whole unknwon bit.

Im the same, I like to be in control...&I feel like ill never find a lover..&scared that I won't be happy with myself once on T..
Its more of, is T really right for me. Pros, cons, risks and all. I don't want to be someone who starts it and later regrets ever medically transitioning..not that I have doubts about it now, but its a possiblility.
Gender expression is NOT gender identity.

Defective Catastrophe.
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Tad

Meh I know it's right... just can cause certain undesirable effects.. but meh.

My T date should be coming up soon, by christmas hopefully :)
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Vancha

I'm on T, but I'm still scared.  A lot of my fears are... vain, but here they are:

In terms of appearance:
- Balding is my biggest fear.  But I'll cross that bridge when/if I get to it.
- Being extremely - and I mean extremely - hairy.  I want facial hair and body hair, but I don't want to be a bear.  I don't think many men want to be bears because a lot of them remove some of their body hair... Chest hair, ass hair, etc.  It's just not pleasing.
- Being too "small" forever.  And I don't mean downstairs, in this instance.  My hands are tiny.  My head is rather small.  I just feel like a little kid, and looking down at my tiny hands and tiny feet really freaks me out.  I don't want to be perceived as a little kid.
- My face becoming extremely unflatteringly "caveman-esque" (although no one in my family looks this way, so it's crazy and unfounded...) or not masculine enough...

As for psychological/social stuff... I'm afraid of what this will mean for my relationships, but I know it's better than not transitioning.  Transitioning is a scary thing for me, but it's by far the better alternative... I wouldn't be able to comfortably be in a relationship at all without physical transition.  I'm afraid that I will never be happy with my body, which is very possible.  Now that I've started T, I am thinking about my body all the time and I can hardly live with the genital dysphoria I'm getting.  Without having a real, functioning penis, I will always be unhappy...  So going into this is just choosing the lesser of two evils.

I'm just afraid that I'll be unhappy with myself.  But all the while, I know I didn't have an inch of self-respect prior to this.  There's no way I'll be less happy on the other side.  I'm hoping to achieve some level of self-respect and happiness, which is always what we should strive for.  I urge anyone considering transition to really think about this: Yes, there are cons to physical transition.  Things can go wrong.  Things will most likely not go exactly as you wanted.  Things are rarely ideal.  But how does that compare to how your life would be without it?  That's what's important, ultimately.

(I've rambled on and on but I needed to vent...)
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Alessandro

Quote from: Farm Boy on September 16, 2010, 04:13:26 PM
I made a post about my fears a few days ago, but this covers it pretty well.  Also, am I the odd one out who's actually afraid of becoming straight?  I know it's a silly thing to be afraid of, but I like guys, and want to continue liking guys.  Eh.

As far as your likes/dislikes and your personality changing though, it's not going to change you into a different person.  You may relate to things differently, but T can't change who you are as a person.

Actually I am scared of becoming straight as well. Well not so much scared, I don't think that will actually happen!
"You can't look where you're going if you don't know where you're going"
-Labyrinth
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Inkwe Mupkins

I think my biggest fear is how I think and anylze situations. If I go bald or I gain 50 pounds then whatever, that doesn't effect how I make decisions or how I go about things. I think critically in everything I do. I think about the ups and the downs. If I don't agree with someone I can see there point of view and understand and respect that. I would be traumatized if how I thought changed. Thats the only thing I like about myself, is my ability to anylize things and think about consiquences before I act most of the time.
Islam means peace.
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