Apparently, I'm the first FTM to walk the halls of my high school openly. My school counseler and teachers are cool with it, most of the kids are ok with it, though I'm sick of hearing them talk about me, and I'm not being pushed around like i was in my old school. Life is good, great.
But OMFG. WASHROOMS. No wheelchair washrooms, and since its high school, people are always hanging around or in them. I usually have to wait till lunch, run 3 blocks to the mall, and use the family one in there. My school counselor says to use the female washroom, but what she don't get is that it makes not just me uncomfortable. I'm known as Dan, to EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE (teachers included) refers to me as he.
Its just not right for me to be in the women's washroom. I've had some girls (who don't know I'm trans, don't really know me) freak out and run outside, and I've been pulled over by a janitor who thought I was trying to sneak in.
I feel like getting to the washroom is some kinda mission.
Its like mission IMPOSSIBLE. And i can't use the mens. Though no ones really pushing me around at the moment, theres a high chance of getting my butt kicked going in there, as well as I feel i still have no right, not until I've started T. Which may be a while yet, according to my mother.
What should I do? Mens? Womans? I don't know...I need someone elses opinion.

I've become a cliche. Any other FTM's in high school feel like they've gone from total freak, to stereotypical freak? All thanks to damn degrassi. I have yet to decide whether this is a good thing or not.

that is awkward that you were told to use the female bathroom.  Is there a bathroom in the nurses office or a faculty bathroom you could get permission to use?  you shouldn't have to leave school to use the washroom.

I can see that this would be a problem. Have you talked to admin about the problem?

I've heard of young people in your situation who use the bathroom in the nurse's office. I assume that you have a nurse; maybe you could look into that possibility until/unless you get more comfortable with the men's room.

Just use the mens room dude, I'm sure it would be fine. Really it comes down to respect. It is not respectiful for you to use the ladies, especially when you are known as a guy.

The guys should be fine. Maybe you could chat to someone of them. Gather some support, let them know you will be using the boys toilets so there are no surprises.

They don't tend to talk to each other anyway in the toilets. Just go in, do your stuff, wash hands, style hair and get out. No problemo.

Best of luck buddy!

The nurses office or a faculty rest room is a really good idea.  I'd definitely check into that.  You could probably even just go into the nurses office and talk it over with her.  There is too much logic behind your fears to have any responsible faculty member/administration be able to ignore it.  They cannot deny you access to a rest room on campus, and they cannot ignore a student being put into a potentially damaging or dangerous situation.

At my high school there were many bathrooms [ 3 floors with at least 2 male and 2 female bathrooms on each floor ]  As someone who was often using the bathroom for *cough* other reasons I [and my friends] got to know which bathrooms were more or less "popular"  There was the "shady b floor" bathroom that you'd almost always find empty.  Perhaps your school has a similar equivalent.   Try to go mid-class there is obviously a lot less traffic during the middle of a period than during breaks or right at the beginning of a class.

If your school has any "trailers" or "mobile classrooms" or whatever they choose to call them they usually have single stall rest rooms in them [or at least the ones at my school did] 

Also I'm not sure if a) you have a cafeteria and b) if they lock it during non-lunch hours or not, but the cafeteria rest room during off hours is most likely going to be completely empty.  Depending on your schools policies/general strictness though it might be a good idea to ask first about this option as to not land yourself in detention for being a shade-ball sneaking into the abandoned cafeteria..

Sorry to ramble so much, but one other thing.  I know you said you're at a new school, but do you have any male friends?  They may be very helpful to you.  First off, you can ask them if they think you using the mens room would be a bad idea or not. Secondly, despite the fact that men don't typically use the restroom together it may help to walk in with another dude.  It sends the clear message to any other male in the rest room that you've been let into "the club" that its completely normal that you would be walking into that rest room.  Sort of someone to non-verbally [unless it comes to that] vouch for your right to be there.

I still use the women's room  I don't suggest it if you're seen as male because I get MAD sideways looks in there  . I pass as male almost 100%, but I'm pre-T and I don't have an STP so I find it more convenient to use the girls' room. Embarrassing for a few seconds, but if you have to go....you HAVE to go. If you've got the confidence to use the men's room, seriously go for it.

Also about the Degrassi thing, I'm glad I'm not the only one pissed about that. I didn't actually watch the series, but living in Canada makes it quite popular....and the fact that I always wear and always HAVE worn a hat like that makes the similarities more visible for others to draw connections  . Ahh well, at least most guys don't watch it and they're the majority of people I pass with.

Quote from: Meepit on September 16, 2010, 11:03:10 PM
I still use the women's room  I don't suggest it if you're seen as male because I get MAD sideways looks in there  . I pass as male almost 100%, but I'm pre-T and I don't have an STP so I find it more convenient to use the girls' room. Embarrassing for a few seconds, but if you have to go....you HAVE to go. If you've got the confidence to use the men's room, seriously go for it.

This except all the ladies in there freak out &I get super embarassed, and I have an stp I just don't use it. Eeeek :/
But like meepit said, if you are confident enough then go for it. Talk to whoevers in charge, whoever told you to use the women's tell them how you feel about it. How it makes you feel, that it causes you distress &un-needed awkwardness.

I'd just use the male toilets stalls.

Wee and walk.
Cindy

Back in highschool.. before I was out.. I got really good at figuring out which bathrooms were rarely used/had people around them.. and then running in and out when the oppurtunity arose. If someone came in while I was in there.. Id just hang out in the stall a little longer til they left.

Does your school have any special needs students/classes?
Because im in a high school but there is the extra bathroom for the special-ed program.
there SHOULD be one in yours.


I try to 'go' duing class. this does't work daily tho =\ holding it is ->-bleeped-<-.

im out to the school too, but they (mostly) see me as a  'girl' still, which is IRRITATING as hell

No nurses office (I was kinda surprised by this) so no special washroom, no cafeteria washroom, no portable washroom, NO WHEELCHAIR WASHROOM, and I don't like drawing too much attention to my self as to ask to use the teachers washroom. I like to stay as unnoticed as possible.

All my friends are guys, but only one of them is even the slightest comfortable with the whole ftm issue thing. Mostly we avoid the topic, even the thought that one of there buddies is a gender queer freaks them out a bit, so we all mostly ignore it, unless anyones pushing me around (a certain someone to be exact) so i don't really think even asking what any of them think is right or wrong washroom to use. I'm kinda one of the awkward invisible kids, so even if i was a bio male, i wouldn't be in the club. I'm confidant, but not in an open way.

Sure, i'm CONFIDANT enough to use the mens, but I'm also smart enough to know that
1. The counseler would call me in for another concerned talk and
2. That certain someone would probably beat me to a pulp if he heard i was using the mens.

I hate people like that...he started this whole thing with his buds "gay in a straight way" when he heard me talking about some chicks, called me a b*tch and a ->-bleeped-<-. Bastard...

Meepit: The other day a girl came up to me and said "So your, like that girl on degrassi, right? Adam?" It pissed me off so much. Some people are such...muppets.

insanitylives - Did you come out as ftm in the middle of highschool, or did you just walk in as you are now? Just wondering.

Come monday, i think i'll start using the mens. If im still alive at the end of the week, thats where i will stick to from now on. IF i make it.

I'm just coming out as trans in my grade 11 year....
I'm out to my friends.....but, i think most people know now.
everyones watched degrassi at my school and it doesnt help that my name is Adam   
i've had people say comments about it, and people talk about me all the time. I dont really care, i just let them talk haha
as for the washroom issues, i dont usually go at school haha but, if i really have to i wait until classes are in and the halls are empty so i can just go in the guys washroom.
nobody gives me troubles...to people who i havent had classes with or havent spoke with think i'm a guy  I like degrassi though....and Adams cute 

I gained a phobia of public bathrooms/washrooms so I just don't go at school. Due to my extreme dislike for public bathrooms/washrooms, my body never feels like I have to go. Then I get home and it all hits me and I run to the bathroom. That can't be good for me, but it helps avoid the bathrooms/washrooms.

Everybody at my school knows and refers to me as a girl because I'm so obviously a girl; I just don't bother with male things. Mainly because I'm scared of what my friends think. I know that sounds shallow, but I really do. Well...I tried telling my best friend, however, she didn't believe me. Anyway...

Also, I love Degrassi. Just thought I'd mention that since you guys are talking about it. My mom always talks badly about Adam for being trans. This, of course, offends me since I know her feelings about transsexuals/transgendered people (and her opinions are pretty harsh but my mom's feelings about this and how I feel about that are a completely different story for another time that deals with me refusing to come out.)

Even though Degrassi did a thing on FTMs, I've realized that the majority of people who watched the episodes didn't quite get it (I've looked through Adam fan forums).

And about name-calling, I've worn male clothes almost my entire life so I've had my fair share as well. In elementary, I'd get called he-she when walking off the bus by YOUNGER kids  . If I wasn't so polite, I would've wailed on them to shut em up....countless times I had considered it  , but unlike them I've got self-control. Continuing in elementary, I had a guy who I was friends with, but I guess he liked me cuz he asked me to dance at our dance and I politely rejected and after that he became really mean  . He'd go around announcing things like "hey guys, when [insert my female name here] first came to the school, didn't you think she was a man?" which I suppose was an UP for passing, but led to other taunts from girls like "Where do you shop? Do you go to the boys' section? Why do you wear guy's clothes?" and not even in a nice, curious manner they'd INSISTENTLY ask.

In high school I passed so well that for the first few months of arriving there I was referred to as "he/him" until people from my old school "corrected" these remarks. I was never really threatened with getting beat up. I got some rude remarks though. Mostly repeats from elementary, but one that I can still remember was "Do you have a dick or a pussy? Cuz you look like a man...." (pardon the language of the quote), which AGAIN I suppose is a pass, but not exactly the greatest way to put it. I can't remember what I said back to her, but I think her friend shh-ed her and pulled her away. This reminds me of when I first came to highschool and used the girl's room. One of the guys my group hung out with threw my bag into the girl's room and we had back and forths of "you go get it" and I went to go get it and he was quick to point out "HEY HE'S GOING INTO THE GIRL'S ROOM!" only to get "corrected" again by some other kids in the group  . So, If no one actually knew you and sees you as a guy anyway, you might get people freaking out about you going into the girls' room as I've had a couple times.

Anyway, sorry for the rant  . Just thought I'd share some experiences that I was reminded of while reading some posts. I've just remembered more, but I think I've rambled too much already. Overall, I haven't gotten into many physical fights (maybe just one), just name-calling. So I guess this would be the time to plug in the "sticks and stones...." saying  it's got "cliche" written all over it.

Quote from: Meepit on September 17, 2010, 11:48:20 PM
Even though Degrassi did a thing on FTMs, I've realized that the majority of people who watched the episodes didn't quite get it (I've looked through Adam fan forums).

Yes. If I talk to another fan about him, they'll say "I don't see why he didn't stay a girl. He was a very pretty girl!"
I mean, they actually did the storyline well, but people still don't understand it.

Quote from: Devyn on September 18, 2010, 12:05:06 AM
Yes. If I talk to another fan about him, they'll say "I don't see why he didn't stay a girl. He was a very pretty girl!"
I mean, they actually did the storyline well, but people still don't understand it.

PRECISELY the kind of remarks I've been noticing. Either that or random things about taking a pill and his breasts will magically disappear or that he should've been an MTF because then the actress could've been a girl-character  . Meh I'll let it go  for now....

Quote from: Meepit on September 18, 2010, 12:14:52 AM
PRECISELY the kind of remarks I've been noticing. Either that or random things about taking a pill and his breasts will magically disappear or that he should've been an MTF because then the actress could've been a girl-character  . Meh I'll let it go  for now....

I'll let it alone until the next Adam-centered episode. 

With the thing about the actress, I've heard that a lot. However, doesn't it make more sense that the actress is female since Adam is biologically female? >.> Just a thought.

Quote from: Devyn on September 18, 2010, 12:38:08 AM
I'll let it alone until the next Adam-centered episode. 

With the thing about the actress, I've heard that a lot. However, doesn't it make more sense that the actress is female since Adam is biologically female? >.> Just a thought.

Yeah, people just.don't.get.it  . So it was nice to get some exposure, but it didn't come out too clearly in my opinion. This is expected I guess because it's such an uncommon topic and I think the best account of being trans would have to be straight from a trans-person or a real-life account of a trans-person. I know the directors did a lot of research and kudos to them for that, but it's just not the same  . Then again, it's a teen-show so how authentic can you really get  ?

Quote from: aydan_boy on September 17, 2010, 10:03:07 PM
insanitylives - Did you come out as ftm in the middle of highschool, or did you just walk in as you are now? Just wondering.

came out this year, and i'm a junior. so yea mid-high school.

also, belated responce
"Apparently, I'm the first FTM to walk the halls of my high school openly."
Gotta love being a test-dummy don'tcha?

Not sure what to say. I just started using the men's. I used it sometimes before, but I haven't been in a women's since the day I got my hair cut, never felt comfortable in there anyway. Didn't bother to ask anyone at the university, don't think it's anyone's business where I pee. But I'm not sure what I'd do if I were afraid for my safety in the men's.

Truth is I've never been one to let male bullies push me around. What's the worst they're going to do? Hit me? That just means I get a free pass to hit them...and I've been spoiling for a fight ever since the other boys started the "we can't fight girls" thing in elementary school. Screw it. I don't know...I'm just not too afraid of being physically attacked, been there, done that, it's not even half as bed as what girls do, you get to fight back, plus the authorities actually take you seriously when you're being physically bullied.

But I'm pretty risk-tolerant when it comes to physical stuff and I have a really hard time dealing with social/verbal bullying. If I were the other way round...I guess I'd just keep using the ladies' room. Not much you can do when there are only 2 options, you just pick the one you can tolerate better. Or none at all. Some guys seem to have picked that.