Quote from: Jerica on July 25, 2010, 07:36:39 PM

I've been there as well. All it takes is one comment to set off a chain reaction of being outed over and over. As others have already said, losing your confidence can make you less passable. I am finally starting to accept that there will be some people who can spot a TS no matter how passable and even gorgeous she seems to the majority.

Quote from: Ayaname on September 11, 2010, 07:21:20 PM
I've been there as well. All it takes is one comment to set off a chain reaction of being outed over and over. As others have already said, losing your confidence can make you less passable. I am finally starting to accept that there will be some people who can spot a TS no matter how passable and even gorgeous she seems to the majority.

Yes, I think this is true.  There are gender police everywhere and it's hard to escape them. Just act confident and don't care what they think. 

Quote from: Britney_413 on August 18, 2010, 02:58:26 AMThey may not even need a log in ID to view certain content on this board and others. This is why I'm even in the process of scanning my old posts on this board and a dozen others and even doing some cleanup if necessary. Revealing a bit of info here and there about yourself online may seem harmless but over the course of hundreds or even thousands of posts people can piece together an awful lot. Something as simple as a picture of you, your first name, and city/state can allow someone to find you.

This. That's why I never post my name or photos of me on the internet. People can either end up finding and outing me or stalking me. Of course where I work now people know I'm trans, but if I should move and/or get a new job I want to be completely stealth.

Quote from: Hermione01 on September 11, 2010, 08:16:59 PM

Yes, I think this is true.  There are gender police everywhere and it's hard to escape them. Just act confident and don't care what they think. 

This is the plain truth.  Totally agree with Hermione.  So what if they sneer, snicker and/or smile?  As long as they don't threaten and/or actually harm you, just be you and forget about 'em.   

I'm at a point where I don't really care. I have FB as my private area. I can probably never go stealth without at least changing my name again but that's ok with me.

Quote from: Jerica on September 14, 2010, 10:45:55 AM
I'm at a point where I don't really care.

Then you ARE confident. The two are pretty much the same thing if you think of it

g

I'll say this again. You can pass 100% until a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- looks for you online. Only recently did I post a couple of pictures of me here on this board. I'm out to pretty much everyone, live androgynous, and haven't even transitioned yet. That's not the point. Anyone with enough time on their hands can dig through enough posts or other online content (even without pictures) and figure it out. It is simply a matter of time and work. For people such as Jerica here who have Youtube videos, blogs, personal websites, Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace you can and will be found by those who want to find you. It really is simple. A ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- sits down at the computer and types in "TS" and "name of city, name of state." A bunch of Facebook and other sites come up. They start viewing the images. Even if none of them are familiar say there is one they like so they start reading. You may never put your address on anything but you mention the grocery store you went to on X and Y street. Well, people shop in their own neighborhoods. You mention a couple of restaurants or bars you go to or other routines also providing dots on a map. Now when they just happen to be driving by (or worse stalking) and see you they know who you are because they've seen you online.

This is just the reality of today's high tech world. Don't say or put anything online you would not say on national news. Moving to a new town, changing jobs, etc. doesn't work anymore and not even moving to another country. Once you put something online you have put it on TV and sometimes literally as even news crews surf interesting blogs and sites to generate stories.

I think you pass well according to your video. Your voice sounds excellent and you don't seem like anything other than a woman to me. I would still bet my money on the internet that may have caused this. A lot of TSs strive for stealth. I think it becomes a time and place thing. You can't run and hide everywhere because that would mean you could never put anything online, never be in any media spotlight, and even ten years after a transition you could run into an old friend who may still recognize you or hear about you from a friend of that friend. You pick your battles. There are people who need to know, people who don't, and people who it isn't important to either way. Some creep in a truck following you to the drug store isn't someone I would be concerned about being stealth or non-stealth to. The only thing I would be concerned about is getting the hell away from such a creep and maceing them if I need to.

Keep up the good work. I'm certainly no expert but you seem to be doing a lot right.

@ Britney_413:

Britney, sadly, EVERYTHING you said here is just the plain truth. 

When I was younger, for about 10 years, I worked as a paralegal (before doing what I do now), and had access to databases that only those in the legal profession have access to.  There is no privacy, folks.  Forget about it.  They know everything about you.  Don't think they don't.

Some things make me glad I'm in the later years of my life.  This is one of them.  My heart goes out to those of you who are under, say, age 40 or so.  Today's technology is, in my opinion, being used way more for purposes of power, clout and control than it is for the greater good.   Hope I'm wrong about that, actually.  What a world.   

Quote from: LaceyLynne on September 15, 2010, 09:34:11 AM
@ Britney_413:

Britney, sadly, EVERYTHING you said here is just the plain truth. 

When I was younger, for about 10 years, I worked as a paralegal (before doing what I do now), and had access to databases that only those in the legal profession have access to.  There is no privacy, folks.  Forget about it.  They know everything about you.  Don't think they don't.

Some things make me glad I'm in the later years of my life.  This is one of them.  My heart goes out to those of you who are under, say, age 40 or so.  Today's technology is, in my opinion, being used way more for purposes of power, clout and control than it is for the greater good.   Hope I'm wrong about that, actually.  What a world.   

In a world where you can basically get somebodies information ranging from credit score to criminal history for roughly $20 if you know their address, I can totally agree with you...

If you own property (at least in the US), the fact that you own such property is part of public record. So you own a house on 123 ABC ST, you are then capable of being searched by various background check sites. I've even been able to pull my previous addresses in which I didn't own property.

@ Alainaluvsu:

That's just the beginning of what they have on record on all of us.  They track every purchase you make.  Visit a website?  It's on record.  Ever been through an airport security check station?  They have a whole-body scan of you on file.  There's an entire discipline now known as data mining.  You just wouldn't believe it.  When breath-taking technology is in the hands of power-hungry, greed-driven, control-freak people, look out.  Well, that's just about where we're at these days. 

Lacey: Yeah and on top of that you have these identity protection companies, and recently companies that supposedly "protect" your reputation by scanning the web for bad information. It's like a chain of "buy our services"...

Let's say you sign up for a gmail account under a female gender. Google sells your information to say Khols. You go and buy something online from Khols and they sell your address to other companies. Well you don't want all the junk mail (or let's say somebody keylogs your computer and steals your CC info) so you sign up for Life Lock. There's no end of people that want your money, it seems.

And there will come a day when someone posts a GID-related confession say, on this site and future employers won't be hiring him/her because of that err, it's not funny. I try to be careful with the net, but even the fact that I'm regularly posting here and still live in male mode makes me feel a bit concerned... But just what can a poor girl do?

g

Another possibility is that it is a small world out there. I've run into people in Tucson from Phoenix and I've run into people in Phoenix from Tucson. These cities are roughly 110 miles apart and yet I've bumped into people. Plus, despite Phoenix and the suberbs containing millions of people I continue to create a trail following me out of sheer coincidence. I just found out that an old ex from 2007 just happens to have a friend who has a friend that sits a few seats away from me at my job. My last job also happened to have a different friend of that spouse get a job there as well. Several people from that job also happened to eventually start work at my current job. I ran into my old apartment manager at a bar I often frequented. I moved to the apartment I'm currently at and it just so happens that the security guard there also frequents that bar even though the apartment is a good 10 miles from the bar. I ran into an old doctor as well at two different establishments I frequented both a good 15 miles from the office. I could go on and on.

You can only be anonymous up to a point. You can move to NY from LA and still run into an old friend from LA in NY. People even cross paths with those they know in other countries. What it really comes down to is when you should care and when you shouldn't care. If a stranger or other person who has no effect on your life knows about you being trans then it isn't worth caring about. Look at it this way: are you ever going to see the rude lady that stared at you in Walmart ever again? Probably not. When you should care about being found out is when that person tries to make your life difficult for you either by discriminating against you, committing a hate crime, or harrassing you. Someone in the distance can yell rude things at me and it won't change a thing and it won't be worth concerning myself with. When they show up to my front door and try to get in then it is time to care. Pick your battles wisely. Again, I think you pass well Jerica.