House, wife, job, a couple of friends.  Your basic run of the mill everything.

And a lot of the male privileges, but then I never really had many ( To my knowledge ).

So many sad stories and love lost. I am sorry for you to have to march through gates of hell to find your self at the end. Unfortunately it looks as though, for most this is the path to freedom. Loose most you had to stat anew, I suppose it is along the mystical prophecies of Rebirth. We must let the old and the lies die in order to let the truth live. 

I'm basically giving up my family. They might come back eventually but right now I only have one relative left that treats me as human...

I had to give up my father and a few other relatives.

Quote from: Cruelladeville on September 21, 2010, 11:22:19 PM
And hold onto this thought.....they might loose the façade of a father....

But they will never loose a loving parent....which is after all what counts most?

And would any well raised, centred child...who's become a productive teen or adult really wish a parent to live a falsehood and be inwardly crushed and miserable for evermore..

Or would that child only want the best outcome for a parent?

Thank you, Cruella - those are exactly the kind of thoughts that get me through the day.  My kids are 18, 24 and 27, and they are wonderful people.  I'm extremely proud of them.  The oldest two are out of school and in the workforce, the youngest is in second year university.  They're all still living at home.

I do hope you're right... but I know things will get a LOT messier before they get better.  And the hardest thing (on me) is that on the one hand, as I explore my self, I am coming into my own, and feeling happy, and proud, and wonderful, and then.... OTOH, there's this stuff.

Other than a name, that I had only used about half the time anyway, and a couple of ounces of unwanted flesh I really honestly can't think of anything I gave up. Possibly because I technically started when I was about four or five years old my transition was ultra gradual and despite the temporary hiccup in my late teens a really boring non event.

I gave up my family as well. Then later, when I tried to go back I realised I never had them in the first place.

I can't claim taht very much I've done is worth an example for others. But when family put conditions on their love they are not worth bothering about.

Family should be uncondtional. What I had was never family, just a bunch of people living dishonest lives who got angry when I tried to be honest.

Quote from: rejennyrated on September 22, 2010, 07:21:10 AM
and despite the temporary hiccup in my late teens a really boring non event.

Trust me Jenny, there's nothing boring about you. 

This topic is so - on - for me right now.
I'm older now - been through a few marriages - many girlfriends. Have been this way - inside since childhood. Nothing changed it - being a girl inside. Experimented with HRT on and off several years. Part of the fear of going all the way - was and is - to loose people.
I have been with a female domestic partner for about 10 years - amazing. We don't have sex - but I feel very close to her. Experience has shown me - women can really take this thing hard. She lets me do all the typical female roles. She has so many good qualities. I don't want to do anything to hurt her.
But anyways - so I finally decided - forget about it - I'm not going to have a real relationship -  one that includes sex. And on HRT - that desire is about gone - and I don't really care.
I don't like men - sorry - just think they are mostly stupid.
Stupid is not a quality I want in another person.
So I finally decide I'm going all the way. Full blown HRT.
CONTINUED - bathroom break.

So for a year been on AA - then E - every thing is just great.
Then one day - I try on-line to search for an old girlfriend - a childhood sweetheart. She was the most special person in my life - ever. I have never felt the same for any one else. Before we split up as kids we talked about how we shall some how always be together. Finally after several years of searching - I'm about to give up. But this time I actually find her. She feels the same - I immediately go see her - A few thousand miles away. We just spent three weeks together. I adore every thing about her. She's rather larger than the skinny fifteen year old I remember. So every thing is great - except - my equipment barely works - I'm getting breasts. And she's a sexual dynamo - this is a big deal to her. OMG why didn't this happen just a year sooner. When boy things were working. I did tell her about doing AA - but presented it as a male health issue. I touched on I like dresses very much - I think she was getting the idea. One day she started crying and begged for me to not be a cross dresser. I tried my best to evade the issue - and in my mind thinking that being in the closet is not new - done it most of adult life - I guess I could die this way. So I promised her I would not.
But I don't think I can stop. This just feels so right. I don't want to be a boy. It wasn't my choice. EVER.
To be with her is like a dream come true. I love her so much - I always have and will. I'm so afraid to loose her - if I tell her the truth.

I lost a 32 year marriage.  It was a mutual deal. We were both realistic about it.  While I hadn't changed on the inside we were just conning ourselves that we could make it work so after many a tearful session at the kitchen table we agreed that we would divorce after my surgery and I had fully recovered and was back at work.  She stuck by me and supported me in every way until that time.  We're still friends and get together from time to time to have coffee and chat.

Steph

Quote from: becky007 on September 22, 2010, 11:17:46 AM
So for a year been on AA - then E - every thing is just great.
Then one day - I try on-line to search for an old girlfriend - a childhood sweetheart. She was the most special person in my life - ever. I have never felt the same for any one else. Before we split up as kids we talked about how we shall some how always be together. Finally after several years of searching - I'm about to give up. But this time I actually find her. She feels the same - I immediately go see her - A few thousand miles away. We just spent three weeks together. I adore every thing about her. She's rather larger than the skinny fifteen year old I remember. So every thing is great - except - my equipment barely works - I'm getting breasts. And she's a sexual dynamo - this is a big deal to her. OMG why didn't this happen just a year sooner. When boy things were working. I did tell her about doing AA - but presented it as a male health issue. I touched on I like dresses very much - I think she was getting the idea. One day she started crying and begged for me to not be a cross dresser. I tried my best to evade the issue - and in my mind thinking that being in the closet is not new - done it most of adult life - I guess I could die this way. So I promised her I would not.
But I don't think I can stop. This just feels so right. I don't want to be a boy. It wasn't my choice. EVER.
To be with her is like a dream come true. I love her so much - I always have and will. I'm so afraid to loose her - if I tell her the truth.

I think you should tell her immediately if you really care about her above all else. It's not going to get any easier on her to hear the truth as time passes and it also sounds like it's not going to get any easier to suppress who you are.  If you really think that you'll have no problem with it then there's not really an issue, but since that's obviously not the case I'm sure you know the risks involved. Only you're not just risking what you want, you're also bringing someone else into it. I know it seems difficult to decide between transitioning and this woman, but the fact that it's a difficult choice should tell you which one is right. I really don't mean to come off as offensive, but your not telling her before there was anything for her to lose while being fully aware of both your intentions in seeking her out and your desire to transition seems to show some selfish motives. You never gave her a conscious choice to be part of your personal problems. I think she deserves at least that.

Lost serious relationships with my 3brothers, they don't take my views serious like a lot of men, to them now Im just another woman.............

Quote from: Ayaname on September 22, 2010, 03:32:52 PM
I think you should tell her immediately if you really care about her above all else. It's not going to get any easier on her to hear the truth as time passes and it also sounds like it's not going to get any easier to suppress who you are.  If you really think that you'll have no problem with it then there's not really an issue, but since that's obviously not the case I'm sure you know the risks involved. Only you're not just risking what you want, you're also bringing someone else into it. I know it seems difficult to decide between transitioning and this woman, but the fact that it's a difficult choice should tell you which one is right. I really don't mean to come off as offensive, but your not telling her before there was anything for her to lose while being fully aware of both your intentions in seeking her out and your desire to transition seems to show some selfish motives. You never gave her a conscious choice to be part of your personal problems. I think she deserves at least that.

This is excellent advice.  Transitioning can be a very self-involved process - it almost has to be.  But those around us are involved, too, without benefit of doing something for themselves as we are.  (I'll be quiet now, since Ayaname expressed better than I.)

- Kate

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on September 21, 2010, 08:37:12 PM
Looks like my marriage, for starters.  Just had a very painful conversation with my wife, wherein she just had to let out all her sadness and frustration and pain... <snip>
Needless to say, I'm all torn up inside right now...

So I frequent an online forum focused on relationships, and I've been posting with these folks for years - we're like old friends, but there are some new members, too.  And today I posted there about my conversation, and about my therapy session.  I have a thread going there where I'm keeping them up to date on my journey, and yes, they know I'm trans.  Some of them have issues with that, but that's okay, I expect that.  Anyway, so I posted all that stuff - LONG post.  And one of our newest members, but someone who is quickly becoming my favorite, posted this:

QuoteThank you for the update. It is both sad and happy, beautiful and scary. I feel for you and for your family. I don't have any words of wisdom, just support.

That almost made me cry.  Of course, another person posted right after that I was killing my wife's husband, so I could hardly expect compassion from her...  (and I posted back that if I were coming out gay instead, the net effect on my marriage would be very similar, but I bet nobody'd have a problem with it...)

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on September 23, 2010, 09:59:15 PM
...(and I posted back that if I were coming out gay instead, the net effect on my marriage would be very similar, but I bet nobody'd have a problem with it...)

That's a good point. By now pretty much everyone has accepted that being gay isn't anyone's fault. But you know us tanssexuals are just a bunch of crazy perverts. 

That's actually not true in the UK anymore...

As I was legally able to change my birth-certificate a few years back...

It's now backed as a no-choice medical cond' as long as you meet the state criteria.....

And under magistrate court make/sign a statement that you'll never, ever switch back....

This then does alter official held records on you.....

Which for me has brought positive benefits....

Smoking aside, I don't really think that I've had to give up much to be honest, I ditched a lot of the overtly macho stuff years ago at the time of rehab because I knew then that it just wasn't me. I have found changing relationships difficult at times as I quite liked a lot of my guy friendships and although they are still good and a lot more honest, it does feel a little odd sometimes.

Ayaname, I did martial arts too when I was younger and know what you mean about it being a very macho environment, I couldn't even imagine going now, but at the time it was all about me trying to prove that I was all man (even though I knew that I wasn't). My sifu was called Trevor and was one of the nicest men that I have ever met, but I still couldn't imagine it.

I lost some close friends, which was hard. It also became quite clear that I'd lose my ability to continue making even a meager living in music, which I was/am not willing to give up. Music has been the one thing that has kept me sane all these years. Who knows, perhaps that might change someday.

Z

Quote from: Zythyra on September 24, 2010, 04:34:13 PMIt also became quite clear that I'd lose my ability to continue making even a meager living in music,

Why?  I'm a musician myself (amateur), but I have a hard time imagining how transition could affect the ability to make music?