But that's there problem.....not your problem my dear...

And why some of us just go into stealth mode.... as fighting the cause year after bl##dy year.... can be so damn darn tedious...

When all you really want is a hassle-free life!

my intial reaction was two thoughts -

first, whatever else might be said, any choice by your friend that starts with the foundational reasoning "I can't let my mate make a fool of himself" is premised on the bigotry that there's anything wrong with being attracted to a trans person. I will never condone that. if either or both of them think that the situation becomes different if you are trans (particularly if you are post-op) and you concede that point then you are reinforcing an incorrect idea (however inadvertently)

This is NOT to say the fellow doesn't have a right to know at the appropriate time, that's a different argument. but starting with the basic assumption he's been wronged to have "accidentally" been attracted to a "not-real" woman is an idea that needs opposition.

second - even if he agrees with the foregoing, he might still feel his friendship depended on not letting his friend be embarrassed (however wrongheaded it would be on the friends part  to be embarrassed) - in that situation the obvious play, IMO, is to use any of a number of other ways to discourage his interest. For instance "she just broke up with a guy and is really off the market right now" or some such. depending on how much of a cover story you are comfortable with him telling. all driven by circumstances of course.

I suspect Ayaname...might be quite a beautiful person...

(First and foremost)

So I think it a very arrogant stance that her 'friend' thought this guy needed protecting...

Protecting from what exactly?

Expanding his perceptions on what it means to be human perhaps?

And understanding that sexuality and identity on a straight level of black & white, male & female only is the holy sanctioned true way...

(this is a lie on soooo many levels) 

And what a TG female is of less value than GG one?

Without exception it's not right for 'others' to out us under any circumstances.... behind our backs especially...

If they consistently do... then they would be of my friends list for sure....

Hi, I get really angry with my mum, she has outed me with so many of her friends that I don't know. I say to her its up to me to say to people not her and its personal to me. I live stealth with everything and I have had a number of arguments over this and she doesn't seem to understand or doesn't want to. She's done it again only last week to some builder who came around to fix some tiles in her bathroom and I was there at the time. I get really angry and don't know how to stop her.

She doesn't do it out of spit as she's been very supportive but it my business and particularly as I live in stealth at church, work and friends.

So its up to the person who is transsexual to talk about their past or not.

Stardust

Quote from: Ayaname on September 23, 2010, 01:03:39 PM
Well some people believe that it is and it's their right to believe that, as wrong as it may seem.
That's the real issue here.

I can believe that you are satan and go around warning people about that. As wrong as it may seem you would have no problem with it? I do. You can believe anything you want but you have no right to interfere in my life, nor anyone else's. I have no right to share your personal intimate things with anyone.

I respect someone who was raped and don't go around telling everyone to stay away because they were raped. Why? Because it is a matter of respect and not my place to tell. This is the same. It is not their place to tell and by doing so they are having a lack of respect for you.



'You' in the first paragraph is a generic you and not specific to any one person.

Quote from: LordKAT on September 23, 2010, 08:52:22 PM
I can believe that you are satan and go around warning people about that.

The difference with that is that the negative connotation is in the definition. There is no demonizing involved in the definition of 'transsexual' and someone wouldn't be stating an opinion by calling me one.

Quote from: LordKAT on September 23, 2010, 08:52:22 PM
I respect someone who was raped and don't go around telling everyone to stay away because they were raped.

What if you had a close friend who was an all around great person, but their one character flaw was that they had an irrational and crippling fear of being romantically or sexually involved with a rape victim? Would you risk such a close friendship by not telling them that someone they were interested in was raped?

People have the right to feel uncomfortable about being romantic with a transsexual. Some guys are disgusted by penises and some girls are disgusted by vaginas. It's perfectly innocent for these people to prefer to not be involved with pre-op transsexuals and even be a little put off by finding out they were hitting on one. Gender is not the only thing that can decide a person's preference. Some people define their sexual preference purely by what genitals someone has. To expect these people to adhere to a gender based sexual attraction just because it's how you happen to operate is no different than if a homosexual expected a straight person to become gay because they assume that 'straight' is synonymous with 'homophobe'. People are attracted to what they are attracted to and sometimes the alternative is off putting to them, hence their preferences. They're not all motivated by bigotry.

And anyway, my particular situation has pretty much been resolved. I know I need to talk to the guy who outed me and let him know that I'm not ok with it, but I am not blaming him for being insensitive unless I first know his motives, which I plan on asking him about.

QuoteThere is no demonizing involved in the definition of 'transsexual' and someone wouldn't be stating an opinion by calling me one.

I don't totally agree. If it isn't demonizing, there wouldn't be the religious people spouting off about it.

QuoteWhat if you had a close friend who was an all around great person, but their one character flaw was that they had an irrational and crippling fear of being romantically or sexually involved with a rape victim? Would you risk such a close friendship by not telling them that someone they were interested in was raped?

If that friendship were at risk by my not telling them of another's rape, it isn't a friendship, at least not one I care to continue. A rape victim has no need of others telling their story and we don't either. If the person hits on you, it is your place to tell or not.

You may feel as you do but I can not view gossip, whether or not it is truth, as something to join in when the pain it causes or potentially causes is so great.

'The only reason they come to see me is that I know that life is great, and they know I know it.'

[Clark Gable]

I'm 110% with you LordK.....

Quote from: LordKAT on September 24, 2010, 06:29:40 PM
I don't totally agree. If it isn't demonizing, there wouldn't be the religious people spouting off about it.

A 'transsexual' is someone who feels the need to change their sex to match how they feel, 'satan' is evil incarnate. Saying that "transsexual" is a demonizing word just because some people demonize transsexuals is like saying that "Mexican" is a demonizing word since some people are racist. I think that this inaccuracy of the analogy reflects the irrelevance of the point it tries to prove.

Quote from: LordKAT on September 24, 2010, 06:29:40 PMYou may feel as you do but I can not view gossip, whether or not it is truth, as something to join in when the pain it causes or potentially causes is so great.

Nothing that anyone ever does in this world means any more than the quality of their motive. There could be no morality without motives and the consideration of these motives is the very thing that makes attempted murder illegal even when nobody ends up getting hurt.
Since I am not all knowing I won't pretend to have eliminated every single possible motive behind being outed by someone that doesn't involve evil intention or inconsideration. I really don't know what motivated the guy who outed me to do what he did, so I won't cast blame until I do. And I'm not saying that not outing someone isn't a general rule of consideration, but I believe there are possible situations where ignorance of the rule is excusable.