I went through a long period where every day I wanted nothing more than to die. I attempted suicide three separate times, but all were mostly half-hearted attempts. Thankfully I have improved since, but more than once a week I think about it again. Specific thoughts seem to trigger these feelings, particularly my fear of the future, loneliness, and failure.
I also voted that I have suicidal friends as well. My best friend has spent time in an institution for attempting suicide, but has attempted numerous times since. I have another friend who has been in and out of institutions for years and is currently living in some form of supervised living. Those are just two of many examples of my friends being suicidal.

I don't really think about suicide, not seriously anyway not anymore. I've tried to kill myself 3 times but my depression was much worse then. Coming out as me has had such a positive effect on my life before I was depressed and suicidal alot but now it's rare for me to get depressed like that.

I can't think of a more trans-friendly area outside of Portland other than P-town or SF.  Either (both) of which would be more expensive I would think.

I get very depressed from time to time. It seems to be happening more often lately. And I have had suicidal thoughts when I am in one of these moods, but I'm too scared of death to actually go through with it.

When im having a tough time it always creeps into my mind that it would be easier and i could have a break finally but its never serious.

I go through lows but there are so many good times when im on top of the World.
I think of all the bad stuff transitioning will do but then think, one day i'll be a boy and that is amazing.

dont die. life is wonderful..seriusly, go get religion

Tomorrow is actually my 1 year anniversary of when I tried to commit Suicide. It was before I began transition and was purely because of the pushback I got from desiring to start transition.

Celebrating 1 more year of life I wasn't expecting....and the best year of life I've ever had, despite the negative consequences involved

In the words of my brother: "I'd rather take everybody else down before I take myself down."

Or in the words of a famous, dead rapper: "I'd rather die like a man (that is, brave), than live like a coward."

I used to think about it all the time when I was a teenager and I didn't think anybody loved me, though. I even got to a point where I wrote a long suicide note just in case.

I do wish I were dead sometimes, it would be easier. But I don't think of ever doing it to myself.

When my male personae had run its futile course, and entered the end-game phase....I did too go through my uber-meltdown process... which lead to a few weeks sitting in a very dark place...

Being cut-off from others and lonely will not help. you...  we need to look outwards for some relief...

And the joy of living is always there waiting for anyone of us, no matter our personal predicament... but you do have to reach out for it... though we can all loose our way from time to time....this is where good friends and loved ones are key....if you're lucky enuff to have em, at times of critical support.

We're naturally a social species...so isolation is not good for anybody in fact...

But I'd be worried about anyone that was contemplating self-termination frequently.... so think it might be a good idea for you to find some real listening help....

In the UK there's a freephone NGO called the Samaritans.... and they are there for anyone that's finding it difficult to cope....I'm sure there must be an equivalent org in the US...? So if you can find one do call them!

Quote from: Virginia Marie on July 31, 2010, 12:27:17 AM
Do I need to overthrow the world and sort it all out until I feel satisfied?

^^
this

*Gulps hard* It's that time of year again... My B-day is just one week away... That's when it all starts up... 

Then will come winter and the onslaught of holidays that tear my heart out, stomp on it and then makes me watch them eat it 

I'm just hoping I can pull through another round of it

Hugs My Sister.  You are strong.  You will make through this as you always have.  Because you are still here with your online family.

Quote from: jmaxley on August 01, 2010, 12:04:12 AM
Shang, I've got the social anxiety thing too.  Not fun.

Damn that social anxiety! I too had severe anxiety issues, thankfully mine were short lived (lasted less than half a year), at least for the time period where it was very severe. I've always had mini-panic attacks from time to time, especially around the beginning of my teen years. My doctor was so smart he thought I had asthma lol. No one figured out I had anxiety issues until they became severe enough that I couldn't leave my home for months. With some adjustments to my hormones (sadly HRT is what really brought my anxiety out the strongest) I've been a lot better and now only experience anxiety a couple of times a month, thank God.

The only times I really considered suicide in my life where when I was a teenager, but I was an undiagnosed bipolar teenager and I thought I was completely loosing my mind so that was kind of a given at the time. I have very rapid emotional cycles and I really did think I was just completely insane for many years of my life. During the worst manic and worst depression moment suicide was an option, but only then. And even then logic thankfully outweighed the desire/thought that suicide was an option at all. The only other time was after my first marriage, I became a drunk for about 3 months and fell into a very deep depression that the alcohol of course did not help.

Even when I FELT suicidal I KNEW I wouldn't actually do it, so I often say that I never considered suicide but that is both true and not true. I thought of it, but I never actually believed it was an option. Kind of a catch-22 in my book.

Too many "what if" thoughts to count them... so I don't. I don't consider those as suicidal thoughts.

Oh, I still want to die... just try to die naturally. This goal seems like trying to kick a football into the goalpost... yet the goalpost are turned around backwords.  Stupidity trumps suicidalness, I guess.

Quote from: Virginia Marie on September 29, 2010, 09:07:22 PM
Then will come winter and the onslaught of holidays that tear my heart out, stomp on it and then makes me watch them eat it  I'm just hoping I can pull through another round of it

hey, of course you can And to give you some courage, this year will be my first in my life when I'm not spending the holidays with my family, in fact, I'll most probably be all alone. dammit, will be hard. But then comes a whole new year... But I love the winters anyway, sitting and reading under heavy blankets or watching the snow falling outside I've always been lonely, but I'm used to it. I know I'll find something to distract my mind when I'm not with my family. I think what's important is to live those days like any other day and don't think about they're holidays at all.

Quote
I thought of it, but I never actually believed it was an option.

Same. The few times I've ever thought about it, I always got to something like "if there's no life after death (and there's none for me 'coz I'm an atheist) then how on earth could I get any benefit from killing myself?" And this sounds so ridiculous I often smile at my own selfishness I only care about benefits... yeah sure, that's being me, but that's being human also. Even suffering is more than nothing so I choose suffering.

That's not to say I'm not down sometimes. Once in every two weeks or so, a feeling of utter uselessness gets totally over me and then I cry like for half an hour or so. But I think this (or similar) happens with a lot of lonely people out there and loneliness isn't something that couldn't be resolved in time. So even while crying, I know that this won't be the end of it all. There's always a future. I just have to get rid of the damn tears.

btw I checked "never"

g

In elementary school, middle school, and most of high school, I never had any friends. I was very shy and quiet, and I had a disorder that I now take Zoloft for, called Social Anxiety Disorder. Anyway, I no longer feel irrationally anxious in social situations, and I've even made a few friends, so since then, I haven't thought about suicide much at all. I don't really see much of a point to living, since we're all going to die someday anyway, but I see less of a point for suicide.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on September 01, 2010, 11:23:49 AM

Or in the words of a famous, dead rapper: "I'd rather die like a man (that is, brave), than live like a coward."

I'd rather die like a rat than live like a man.

Quote from: Pica Pica on July 31, 2010, 06:20:28 AMI think after you have thought seriously about it once, it always remains an option.

I agree... especially when you've tried it. And not half-assed trying either. It's like it's always an option and you don't fear it as much as some others might.

I think after you have thought seriously about it once, it always remains an option.

After you have actually been brought back from hell, it's more than an option.

The next couple hrs will tell I think. I almost took to many ativan and pain meds the other day. I just need to sleep. I just need to close my eyes and stop thinking. I need to dream. I just want to wake up and be happy for a little while at least.

Quote from: Radar on December 21, 2010, 09:38:54 PM
I agree... especially when you've tried it. And not half-assed trying either. It's like it's always an option and you don't fear it as much as some others might.

I agree too.  I lost any fear of death a long time ago.