So - perhaps my most unpleasant retail experience happens at a local Fred's store. there is at least one, and possibly two, employees there who are not very discreet in their disrespect. My wife actually notices it more often than i do (huge irony in the fact that she gets offended because of people acting precisely as she would act if the roles were reversed but nevermind that now)

Anyway, last week we were checking out and one of these women took time out from what she was doing to walk over to a couple of male employees - drivers i think - and whisper something to them - something which immediately provoked them to turn and stare at me for several minutes.

I finally decided that there really ought to be some consequence for this sort of thing, but I also worry since I'm notorious enough in this town that if they reprimand her directly she will know it came from me and that isn't likely to be productive.

So, they have these big posters up that say "tell us how we are doing!" so i fired off the following e-mail:

QuoteComments: Please understand this comment is anonymous, for reasons which will become clear. I am a regular customer in the R----- location, and I am also a transgender individual. On several occasions I've noted a couple of your older employees there (one may no longer be working there) being obviously "catty" about my appearance among themselves and to other employees. by this I mean, essentially "look at that" sort of conversations which were clearly about me. I am well known in town and if the employee is reprimanded directly because of this she will know who made the complaint and I DON'T want that to be the case. But I did want you to know that you have some employees that have a hard time leaving their judgmental attitude at the door when they come to work. Other customers may not be as patient as I am.

Not really expecting much. to my plesent surprise i got this reply:

Quote
Good morning!  Thank you very much for emailing us with your concerns.  Please accept my apology for the unacceptable service with which you were provided recently while shopping in your local R-----, MS Fred's store.  I assure you that it is always our intention to provide a pleasant, friendly experience to all our valued customers, and it is very apparent that we have failed to do so in this instance.  As such, I have contacted our District Manager over that area, asking him to investigate this matter expediently and to contact you via email as soon as possible.  In the interim, however, I ask that you, as well as your family, allow Fred's another chance to provide you with the level of service you deserve.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact us, and have a great day!

Sincerely,

On the other hand, that was Monday and the District Manager hasn't followed up. Still, fella seems sincere so i look forward to going into more detail with the appropriate person.

to be honest with you, I don't feel a big sense of satisfaction here - I really am not the sort of person who wants to muck around with someone else's livelihood.  I'm hoping that they simply set some policies and possibly does some training - I'm really not looking for her to get a personal butt-chewing.

at least, not this time.

I fully support you Tammy,

I was insulted at a major retail store and immediately asked for management. I've posted this before so I won't go into details. The woman who was rude to be was fired, and no I don't feel bad about it; the store changed its policies for all people with gender issues, even going as far as stating what changing rooms should be used, and the assistance that staff should give people to access them.

I realise in a small town it may be different, but we still have rights, and others have rights. If we cannot stand up for our rights how can we look anyone in the face when they are being discriminated against?

Hugs

Cindy

Tammy well done on handling that sensitively and discretely. I hope you get a good result.

It has been at least two decades since I have had to face anything like that but I have to admit that my approach used to be rather more head on confrontational, along the lines of standing there and openly and very loudly telling the person who was doing the whispering the FULL facts in full public view including a very brief but lurid description of my SRS and finishing off with "Happy now? Good! Well then perhaps you won't feel the need to be so rude as to encourage others to stare at me next time!"

The person concerned wanted the floor to open up and swallow them. Oddly I got a round of applause from one or two of the onlookers and the next time I went back to that store the attitudes were markedly different.

At the end of the day I am very much of the opinion that whether you do it quietly and discretely or rather loudly and openly as I did (it's far more fun to make a huge scene ) it is important that we ALWAYS challenge this sort of nonsense and show people that it is simply not ok. By so doing we show those idiots that we are NOT going to play victim for them. When you do that, they usually back off and find another person to go annoy.

Tammy.

I really understand your point about not wanting to harm someone's livelihood. I have to agree with Cindy and Jenny that your approach is the right one.

You made the point, with sufficient emphasis.

Understand about the lack of followup. May I suggest you go back to that store quite soon?

I'm glad you have stood up for yourself Tammy, even sending an email with the complaint is making a point. I wish more people would do this. I know it's hard, but this is the way changes in policy and training are brought about.

I got call "Man"  by an employee of a store I frequent.  I even asked my friend to verify what she had said.  My friend said she heard it to.  The manager was told about it from my friend, who was just as upset as I was.  As we left the store, the manager had another employee take over for the offender and we saw her take her into the office.

The next time I saw this employee, she made every attempt to not offend me.  And since then we have gotten friendly.  Sometimes one just needs to speak up to correct an employee's actions.

Taco Bell wouldn't accept my debit card once, despite the fact that they had never once asked me or anyone else I was with for an ID when using a card to make a purchase (I was seriously spending all of $4) in the 10 years I'd been going to this exact location on a weekly basis. Right in front of me the girl at the counter turned around and actually yelled to the back to her manager, "This dude is trying to use a card with a woman's name on it, it looks like he stole it." When she turned around and looked at me I told her I wanted her manager to come to the counter immediately.

The manager actually tried to argue with me that it was just their policy and that it had nothing to do with my appearance (once I showed my ID and proved I was in fact me). I cut him off and flat out called bull->-bleeped-<- in front of the whole store. I asked if any other person in the store had paid with debit/credit and if any of them had been asked to show ID. Several people admitted they paid with a card but did not have to show ID. I asked if anyone in the store had EVER had to show ID anytime they'd ever come there, not a single person said they had.

The manager once again tried to say it had nothing to do with my appearance so I pointed out the exact statement made by his employee as proof that it was about how I looked. The employee actually tried to deny she'd made any statement regarding my gender. To which I merely said, "The combination of being a guy and having a vagina doesn't affect my hearing." I thought the poor girls eyes were going to pop out of her head. Then I asked for the number to corporate to file a complaint, asked for the employee's name and the manager's name. Corporate of course merely backed them up saying it was the policy, they had no response to me saying that in 10 years of going there I had never once been asked or seen anyone else asked for ID, they just repeated it was policy. So I told them, "Fine, then I want to file a complaint against the store for breaking policy for over 10 years."

They actually filed that complaint. ->-bleeped-<-s.

^^^
THAT is the kind of experience where I'd been more inclined to stir up trouble for them...sneaky stuff on the sly is deniable, throwing it in your face like that is hell-raising territory.

I really wish I'd had the guts to speak up about something I encountered the other day. I was making a housing benefit claim and there was some confusion over my ID being male and me being obviously pregnant, so I explained that I was trans. The woman then proceeded to tell me "oh we have this bloke who comes in wearing a dress who insists we call him a woman too" ...then she started quoting the "I'm a lady!" sketch from Little Britain. I was too flabbergasted at such blatant rudeness that I didn't know what to say. Now I wish I'd gotten her name so I could make a complaint.