I just started hormones and I've been dying to start them for a while now! It seems like it's been forever! As excited as I am to start, I'm a little worried I'm doing the wrong thing. I can't put a finger on any reason as to why I'm doing the wrong thing but I'm just scared. I can't see myself living as a woman and I think that's what scares me. But when I think about living as a male and being stuck in male clothes and male roles it makes me sad. But thinking about the possibility of becoming someones wife and a mother makes me so happy, I've always wanted to be a wife and mother. But why can't I shake this feeling? I know I want this and I know it's in my heart that I'm female, why can't I stop being scared?

From what you are saying i get the feeling that you are self medicating? Before I say any more could you please ansewer that

Hi Britney,
I think sometimes in our excitement and happiness to be able to transition, we forget what a big thing it is. People get eustress over happy changes like weddings, vacations, relocations, new jobs, etc. And transitioning body and social role to a new sex is arguably bigger than most of those. People get scared before their weddings too. Happy changes are still changes. They're still jumping into the unknown.

I'm not self medicating. I went to therapy for two months and I got a script on wednesday.

Quote from: Nero on October 02, 2010, 09:49:12 PM
Hi Britney,
I think sometimes in our excitement and happiness to be able to transition, we forget what a big thing it is. People get eustress over happy changes like weddings, vacations, relocations, new jobs, etc. And transitioning body and social role to a new sex is arguably bigger than most of those. People get scared before their weddings too. Happy changes are still changes. They're still jumping into the unknown.

So are you saying it's just a scary thing?

Quote from: itsbritney on October 02, 2010, 09:50:45 PM
So are you saying it's just a scary thing?

Thing is, you're passing through one of the biggest changes a human can go through: changing it's body to fit it's mind.

It is complicated and, it takes a lot of effort, time and patience, and remember: there's always a bit (or a lot) of uncertainty regarding to the future.

I am nervous myself, I'm about to come out to my dad, I don't know what's gonna happen.

That doesn't means I'm not gonna go with this.

Bravery is not about having fear, it's about overcoming the fears and do it consciously.

Yes transitioning is a scary thing, mainly I think because you aren't just changing your style of dress or haircolor, you are making fundamental changes in your body and beginning to transition to a whole new gender. Having not grown up as a female does and experiencing what they experience, it is a new world that is completely unkown to you. There will always be fears and/or uncertainties concerning whether or not you can pull it off, passing, gaining acceptance in your new life, being able to survive in your new gender as far as work etc. There is a lot to consider, but that doesn't mean don't do it. It just means consider everything carefully, because if you have serious doubts they need to be addressed so that you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing the right thing.

You have my support Britney =] transition or not, that's for you to decide.

I am glad to hear that. Any time we face changes it is a nervouse time,,, You will be okay....enjoy the ride

Quote from: AprilDawn on October 02, 2010, 10:14:23 PM
Yes transitioning is a scary thing, mainly I think because you aren't just changing your style of dress or haircolor, you are making fundamental changes in your body and beginning to transition to a whole new gender. Having not grown up as a female does and experiencing what they experience, it is a new world that is completely unkown to you. There will always be fears and/or uncertainties concerning whether or not you can pull it off, passing, gaining acceptance in your new life, being able to survive in your new gender as far as work etc. There is a lot to consider, but that doesn't mean don't do it. It just means consider everything carefully, because if you have serious doubts they need to be addressed so that you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing the right thing.

You have my support Britney =] transition or not, that's for you to decide.

This

Britney,

You are about to start probably the biggest thing a person can do, changing one's gender.  No wonder you have doubts.  But each step that you take, you get closer to your dream for yourself.

It does not take bravery or courage to transition.  It takes fear.  The fear of spending one more day in the wrong gender.

Quote from: AprilDawn on October 02, 2010, 10:14:23 PM
Yes transitioning is a scary thing, mainly I think because you aren't just changing your style of dress or haircolor, you are making fundamental changes in your body and beginning to transition to a whole new gender. Having not grown up as a female does and experiencing what they experience, it is a new world that is completely unkown to you. There will always be fears and/or uncertainties concerning whether or not you can pull it off, passing, gaining acceptance in your new life, being able to survive in your new gender as far as work etc. There is a lot to consider, but that doesn't mean don't do it. It just means consider everything carefully, because if you have serious doubts they need to be addressed so that you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing the right thing.

You have my support Britney =] transition or not, that's for you to decide.

Thanks!! <3 You too bb <3

Quote from: Janet Lynn on October 02, 2010, 10:16:06 PM
Britney,

You are about to start probably the biggest thing a person can do, changing one's gender.  No wonder you have doubts.  But each step that you take, you get closer to your dream for yourself.

It does not take bravery or courage to transition.  It takes fear.  The fear of spending one more day in the wrong gender.

omg that last sentence made me want to cry, it really touched me.

But the thing is, I wouldn't really say I have doubts. I guess it's just fear.

The great aspiration and fear of humankind is the unknown. The fact remains, you now stand on the edge of becoming a full female. From now on, every step is a step forward, away from being male.

It's triggered some very deep protection instincts. Once you make the first step, you'll wonder how you went without it.

I really don't know how I went so long thinking I was a fem gay guy! I don't get it at all haha

Transitioning really is hard, complete with fear and anxiety of the unknown and doubt about being able to pull it off.  I know exactly what you mean because I still feel that way sometimes (and I've been on hormones for 6 and a half months now ).  You know it's the right thing to do because of all the reasons you listed and more - so whenever you feel that way, you can remind yourself why you are transitioning and why it's the right thing to do.  It also helps to have people to talk to about it because they can help snap you out of a funk.  I lean on my friends all the time.

Afraid and nervous about starting HRT? Me? You bet... I don't like pills... Injections? *Runs to hide*

Surgery?... Plays upon her deepest fears but strangely she welcomes it and seeks it out

Make me whole she cries every night

Quote from: Virginia Marie on October 02, 2010, 11:11:21 PM
Afraid and nervous about starting HRT? Me? You bet... I don't like pills... Injections? *Runs to hide*

Surgery?... Plays upon her deepest fears but strangely she welcomes it and seeks it out

Make me whole she cries every night

This is some stuff that I don't look forward to myself, but still will go through with it because my life without it will be no life at all, so I look forward to getting it in the past. =]

Quote from: Kieri on October 02, 2010, 10:59:27 PM
Transitioning really is hard, complete with fear and anxiety of the unknown and doubt about being able to pull it off.  I know exactly what you mean because I still feel that way sometimes (and I've been on hormones for 6 and a half months now ).  You know it's the right thing to do because of all the reasons you listed and more - so whenever you feel that way, you can remind yourself why you are transitioning and why it's the right thing to do.  It also helps to have people to talk to about it because they can help snap you out of a funk.  I lean on my friends all the time.

Yeah I'm so glad to have my bff and susans here for me!!

Quote from: Virginia Marie on October 02, 2010, 11:11:21 PM
Afraid and nervous about starting HRT? Me? You bet... I don't like pills... Injections? *Runs to hide*

Surgery?... Plays upon her deepest fears but strangely she welcomes it and seeks it out

Make me whole she cries every night

Aww I feel the same way

Hi itsbritney
if you werent scared you wouldnt be normal this is a massive thing we go thro and not to be taken lightly but if it is right for you and only you know it is then its most def worth all the effort that is needed to get to your goal. Im 21 years post op and never had a time i have regreted the decision to make the change but i suppose knowing all my life i was different it wasnt much of a decision just picking the right time in my life when i was ready

Im so happy for you right now Britney !!!! Like everyone else said, this is how we all felt then. Congrats, cant wait to see all the changes in you  that will happen.

If it makes you feel better, I am exactly a week behind you (meeting endo Wednesday for blood test results with therapist letter in hand) and I am pretty scared. Went to a party with a bunch of other families from my church tonight and almost burst out crying for no reason. Be glad you are doing this before the complication of marriage and children. Thank you very much for your post as I now know I am not alone. I know this is what I want and it sounds very much to me like you feel the same. You are pretty already and I am sure that you will get great results from HRT.