My therapist saw me 3 days in a row. I am bankrupt LOL.

Anyway.. I came out to a friend last night. She was extremely supportive and caring of me, and I feel happy. My therapist has been helping me a lot too, but he has also been questioning me a lot. Sometimes I think he's mean. In one situation, he began questioning me as to why I use male pronouns when I refer to myself.

Obviously, I still live as a male, and not having a single place where trans people would be accepted at, I am stuck with these pronouns. I assumed I should stick with them since my appearance still is masculine, even if I am focused to and already began changing it.

But I can't stop thinking that maybe I should begin using female pronouns, at least in therapy. Does anyone has similiar experiences?

giving yourself a proper female name - perhpas not a feminised version of your male name - is seen as you having an inner female persona waiting to be allowed out...all such things count towards your Real Life Experience.

Perhaps I should talk with him using female pronouns and a female name then?

I have been thinking deeply about it... it does seens very incongruent of me to use male names and pronouns in therapy. I was assuming he would not be able to see me as a woman because of  my appearance.

Yes, tell him you want to be seen as Maiara and his reports to state she/her  and not Fred/he/him...and discuss what name to put on possible prescriptions for hormones to save embarrassment at the pharmacy.

A trained therapist will be looking for female body and face language and such as he asks you to talk about your feelings and experiences.

His asking why you use male pronouns to refer to yourself might be taken as an indication that he favours a traditional Harry Benjamin view of TSism.

Knowing him, its likely he has read about the history of transgender disorders in medicine and knows Harry Benjamin very well.

I feel he has been testing me. Anyway, we will see where this goes Thanks Lilac.

QuoteA trained therapist will be looking for female body and face language and such as he asks you to talk about your feelings and experiences.

Therapists like that should meet my body building, metal-head aunt.

Well

Anyway

What is important to me is, from what I tell here, is it possible to know if he is a good therapist for our issues?

ask him how many other people he has helped transition or at last counselled as basically you want the best outcome for your life.   
If that seems to be eventual srs then he needs to know how to help you get there.   
If he cannot see you settling into any sort of female role then you need to know that before messing things up too much.
As we have the internet you don't have to waste years of wondering if you could transition as five minutes surfing should find some place where you can go and try being female to some extent for an evening. 

Have you found a chatroom in which you can get feedback about all aspects of TSism in realtime? 

Practically all the British TS I've had contact with has been the crossdresser from infancy regardless of what age we all finally got out of the closet. 

Well you know for me, the matter is not whetever I should transition or not. I feel I should.

I have a background of crossdressing if that matters, since childhood, we spoke about it. It is just that I am unsure of how to properly conduct things in therapy. We have been talking about how my feelings developed, a lot, and for quite a while he was worried about depression and suicide risk, which I think its discarded as a possibility from his POV. ( and yes it really ins't a possibility anymore)

We have only had 3 days of therapy, and they were in a row as I said, so maybe its me being anxious since its too soon. Obviously, I never transitioned, and as such, I am walking hopelessly in the dark without knowing what to do. The only thing I have clear for me is a deep feeling in me that I am a woman, and I get extremely anxious and depressed when I try to supress it. On another hand, allowing myself to be a woman, and picturing a future as a woman, and doing -anything- that would no matter how slowly changes my appearance towards what I feel is right, has me feel happy and hopeful.

macho shrinks think the crossdressing makes us depressed and suicidal - just like they would feel if forced to crossdress and be humiliated in the street - they cannot really grasp that it's not being able to live the correct life that is depressing.

now you've come out to one friend and the therapist you need to know if you can start to live the life - so now you need to study how to do that and if you and your therapist decide you could transition you need to know how much and what will happen when you let everyone know.

he is not macho. I had a lot of depression after puberty once I began developing male characteristics. It was a nightmare back then.

thanks for the advice you've been giving me, by the way.

Quote from: Maiara on October 03, 2010, 01:00:43 AM
In one situation, he began questioning me as to why I use male pronouns when I refer to myself.

But I can't stop thinking that maybe I should begin using female pronouns, at least in therapy. Does anyone has similiar experiences?

I don't know, but perhaps he is just encouraging you to start shifting your thinking.  After using male pronouns and a male name for many years to think about myself, it took me a while for me to think of myself differently.  It took a while before I would automatically respond if someone called my female name and not respond if someone called my male name.  There may be nothing more than that going on.

- Kate

Yes k8, that has crossed my mind as well.

I am just glad that, from what you girls are telling me, he seens to know what he is doing. That was my major worry.