Hello all,it's been some time since I've been on here,but glad to be back looking around and reading different posts.Sorry about on my first one on the ? and poll's,I messed up and was'nt really sure what to put.Well,I'm a 34 year old male,I've been married for a little over 11 years and have 3 kids(1girl,2boys).For about the last 10-11 years I've experimented with wearing different pieces of womens clothes,panty hose,thigh highs,bras,skirts etc. not all at the same time,just a piece here and there or sometimes I would paint my toe's.I've always been attracted to women,but,ever since I can remember I've also always liked female clothes.I would wonder how this dress would look on me or how I would look with make-up etc.And I've always kept it a secret.I was raised boys are boys and girls are girls and that's it.All my friends(so-called) are the same way.If they (friends & family) knew how I really felt, I would be disowned and probably bashed.Which in a way ok thats fine,cause then you find out who really cares about you.Right now though I really don't have any friends,I used to work in a factory as a supervisor,but I ended getting hurt and haveing back surgery twice,and when I went back to work I was fired for getting hurt.After that I never see anybody now. Since I've messed up my back I can't work,so now she works, and I stay home and take care of the house and kids etc.I really don't mind either,I like being home and takeing care of things and everyone.Me and my wife have also became very very close to each other,she is my best friend!!we would do everything together,go shopping,which was great, cause then I could check out all sorts of clothes and shoe's and stuff.I have real long hair and we would color each other's hair.If she wanted to try some sort of new hairstyle out but did'nt want to do it on herself yet, she would try it on me.That was so awsome!!Sometimes she would even put some eyeliner,eyeshadow and stuff on me.I thought oh wow this is so great.But I still though wanted to dress fully as a women,but I did'nt know how to say it or tell her.For quite awhile I've been shaveing my legs,then one day she was like I bet I could make you into a pretty girl,I said ok how about I shave the rest of my body and let's see,she started laughing, and was like yeah right, ok, but don't shave your chest(she like's that hair) I said no,gotta do it all the way,she said oh alright.I don't think she thought I'd do it.Well I did,and I loved it(just being shaved) then I showed her,and she was suprised ,but was like ok lets do it.Then I ended up talking her into going to the store, and we bought me this cute little skirt and top and pair of shoes(high heels of course) came home, I got dressed up,then she did my hair and make-up.Oh my god Icould'nt believe how I looked,I looked like a girl,I loved it so much,for the first time I was a girl,totally dressed and everything,it was so great!!!I wanted to go out so bad,but we just stayed home.I don't dress in front of my kids,just when there in bed or at school.For the next couple of weeks or so I would dress up a little here and there and Ithoght it was all fine.We sometimes go to a few bars around here and watch the drag shows,and we always have fun.I told her one day that I wanted us to go back to one but this time I want to dress as a woman and go.At first she was like ok thats fine,but I guess she started thinking about it and said well why?That's fine if you want to do it at home,but why do you have to go out.Do you want men to flirt with you?,which they do anyway, and she know's,and before this she was fine with that, she know's I'm not doing anyhting,I love her, and only want her.She say's she wants me to tell her why I want to dress up, she does'nt understand it.She says that she does'nt care,but she wants to know why.So I've tried to explain to her that I am happy dressed as a women ,I feel really comfortable when I'm dressed,I love how the clothes feel and make me feel when I have them on.I like to be and feel feminine,to me its like I'm more normal and myself.I really like the part of me that's Nikki.I said it's nothing to do with you,its me,and in no way does it affect the love that I have for you,in some ways I actually feel closer to you when I am Nikki.I told her I'm not gonna dress 24/7 but I'd like to more often,and that I'd like to go out ,and go shopping and do all the things we used to.But she tells me she still does'nt get it,or understand me and why I want dress up.I've asked her if she wants me to stop,she says no, do whatever you want,I know its part of you, and I love all of you.She's said she sometimes thinks I'm competeing with her,but I tell her I'm not.So lately I've just been dressing up by myself, and it just makes me so sad and want to cry.What friends I did have are all gone,and when I thought I could finally tell my wife how I felt about c-dressing,now I can't.I guess actually I can,but she does'nt care to really hear about it.A couple days ago I went shopping by myself and I got this real cute little black skirt with a white top,and these really really cute black high heels,and I'd love to put it on and say hey honey check out my new outfit,I could but it would just be, oh yeah,ok,I'm gonna go take a bath or something. I really wish I knew some other's close to me like me,but at least I found here!!!well guess I've probably yapped enough.At least I don't feel like crying so much right now.Thank you all so much for makeing me welcome and listening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Thank you for the introduction Nikki. I smile and grinned and got sad and cry all the way throught it.
My wife is my best friend too. She has told me that she feels that Jillieann is trying to steal me away from her.
Give her time to adjust to this new revelation of who you are. It's a biggy for most wives/ husbands.
As for any answers I have none.
Just a shoulder to cry on.

Jillieann/JR

Hey nikki!

It sounds like your wife is at a junction where she recognizes that this is part of you but isn't quite comfortable with it yet. It is possible she'll just come around eventually but giving her some resources to help her understand might help immensely. I would suggest you consider pointing her to these very forums, specifically the topics designed to help significant others like herself. Also show her some of he topics about Crossdressing if you want where she might see that its not just you, that there is something legitimate to your feelings and that it would mean the world to you if she embraced the concept. Of course its always possible to push things too far so kind of guage how she might react by casually suggesting any of these activities.

Good luck, and let us know how it things develop with your wife.


Mia and Marq

Hi, Nikki!

My wife was very unsupportive for a long time and she's now come to the point where she helps me buy clothes and goes to my support group meetings with me.  She gives me "girl lessons" too, filling in the stuff I missed when I went through puberty the first time around.  She went to a few therapy sessions both by herself and together with me, with my gender specializing therapist.  I think that helped helped her understand alot more than she had before.

So, it sometimes takes alot of time and there's hope.

hugs & smiles
helen

Hi Nikki.  Welcome back!

What you describe is very common with wives.  They fear losing you to "the other woman" and can't see it any other way.  This is from a lack of knowledge about what crossdressing really is but more importantly what it isn't.  She needs the feel the security you won't one day want to become a woman full time and leave her to go out and date men.  She can't compete with that which leaves her helpless.  She'll think of your children and the future and the plans she had for a lifetime together.  She sees your CDing as a threat to all of this.  You have to let her know it's not.

There are support groups for SOs to help them through this.  I have known several wives who have come around completely and now actively participate in their husband's CDing but they also went through what your wife is now experiencing.  Every accepting wife I've talked to said they initially feared this would become an obsession and their husband would want to start dating men.  It takes time and a lot of patience to get through this.  But most of all you need to reassure her she is the only one for you.  She's feeling very insecure and confused right now.  The life she has grown comfortable in has taken a turn and she wasn't prepared for it. 

If you take it slow and show compassion, love and caring you'll have the best chance of your relationship surviving this.  I wish you all the best.

Julie