I hope this isn't offensive, if it is I apologize ahead of time. How old were you when you realized you were androgyn? Before you realized you were, did you think you were trans? How did you feel when you realized you were androgyn? Do you tend to feel more of one gender than an other if any gender at all? Did you exp a time of confusion over being androgyn or trans? Umm I think that's all the questions I have but again if any of this is offensive I apologize. Thank you for your time.

me: 37(now), but I'm pretty atypically late.
     
Never felt comfortable in female roles (SO confining!), female clothes (even the loosest skirts restrict how you can move and can get caught in things), female thought patterns, female subculture...
(Femaleness seems all about restrictions as it's traditionally constructed... And that's not a problem with the gender, but the culture, really...)
Questioned my  gender when wife and I dated, she being trans and all...and determined I wasn't a man.   Didn't realize until this spring I'm not a woman either...biofemale, but that's not my gender, that's my sex.
Hmm, I'll bet biofemale A/G's figure it out later, since (bio)females can get away with androgyny a lot more than (bio)males can.
When I was in my punk rock dyke phase in the early 90's I got made fun of by random rednecks: " AR YEW A MAYUN ER A WUMUN? HARHARHAR." 
Ok, rambling, bye.

I knew I was not ok with the expected standard stereotyped male role behavior that matched my body somewhere around thirty. I identified as androgynous, or at least aspired to. When I was 59 I realized I was not simply unhappy with social roles, but I really might feel more woman than man - morphology notwithstanding. But I have years of being "male" and have practiced "male behavior". So I may be androgynous as a temporary point on my path of transition to fully female or I may be a Transgender male to female androgyne. I do not know where my path will go. Looking back on my life I see behavior and activities that crossed gender lines, but before about thirty I did not think about what it meant. I always felt like something did not fit for me, but I blamed it on being poor or moving a lot, not on feeling more female than male despite my body.

As rite of Inversion says girls can cross gender more. Trying to fit in socially meant I avoided overt cross gender behavior such as clothing until lately. Boys do not safely wear girls clothes, and I tried to be safe. But as the "Parentified" oldest of ten, I did many things boys usually do not do. I did not think about it in relation to gender until recently.

as a teen I told anyone who would listen "you know how men are from Mars & Women are from Venis..." wait for responce "...well I'm from pluto".I recall thing I was more of a girl then a guy but I wasn't going to doanything about it because I wanted to be a dad.  in my twentys I denyed myself any outlet and had convinced myself that the few times I was questioning as a teen was just a phaze.  I went crazy a few months after my 30th when the urge to dress up got to much and all my fem cloths that had disapeared during my recent move had disappeared all the crap easons that held be back from exploring who I was had vanished I wasn't like other guys but I wasn't like girls either I decided to search the net for gender quizzes most of them said I was a girl but some said i was in the middle most had only 2 possible results & most were really silly in the questions some where trying to be serious. but the first quiz that made me think it told me I was a manly female I thought that with all the quizzes saying I was a girl that maybe I was but untill butch female I was like thats not me then when I did the test that gets a lot of comments on these forums that I can't remember the name of it combined trans & something and found the term androgyne (it was not the first time I did this test but the first time the result doesn't fit me) now I had a word to decribe who I was and I thought yep thats me searching for that word led to finding this site I'm now 33.
from when I started going all crazy to when I called a latenight counceling phone number saying I thought I was transgender it was a very confusing 6 or 7 months (october to the next easter)

Hello, I'm new here.  I only picked up the words I use to describe my identity now (mainly neutrois/agender) in the past year or so.  Before that, I identified as an FtM femboy/pretty boy for about 2 years.  Even before I had the words for it though, I knew I didn't belong with girls or boys.  I wasn't really able to function socially during the age range where children divided themselves up by gender.  I didn't care, I thought both groups were so boring and limited (no offense intended, I certainly don't mean to judge all males/females in this way). 

Some days I look and act more masculine or feminine, but my concept of my gender doesn't change.  If I act more aggressive I'll be seen as a boy more often, and if I act sweet I'll be seen as a girl more often.  It's all part of my gender though, just varying in mood and expression day by day.

I can't really explain how I feel using the words I use; I've always been me and the people who describe themselves by their sex seem weird from my point of view.

Also, I still call myself "trans", so there's no confusion there.

I felt the beginning of the confusion at 17, but the true onset did not kick in until 18 1/2. I remember sitting in my room in deep thought, toying with the idea of becoming a trans. As days progressed, the idea became disgusting, but intriguing at the same time. I did not learn that Androgyny was even an option until 19 3/4. When I learned that there was such options to change your physical self in that way, I kept the idea there to see if it lingered and applied after a while.

I am 21 now (Just turned it last month!) and I'm starting the path tomorrow. I've experienced little violent backlash, but there was a long period of time (from 15-19) where I felt I never fit in with the boys. I've come to terms with it since.

I'm pretty sure I always wanted to be a boy when I was a kid, but I'm not sure if that was actual gender dysphoria or psychological.  I didn't consciously realize and think about it until I was in college.  Now that I'm older, I've realized that I just don't care about gender anymore (since I don't really have a problem with my body).  I still don't feel like a woman, especially when I'm with "mainstream" or "typical" women (I can't think of another way to describe them, but you probably know what I mean).  I'm using that to my strength.  I'm "different" and that's what makes me interesting.  Or something like that. 

Mostly, when I stopped trying to come up with the right term and trying to fit that term, I felt a lot better.  I just accepted me for who I am.  I'm even comfortable in feminine clothing now, which I never was before (I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts...).  Am I female?  No.  Am I me?  Absolutely.

I am 70 now. I remember being in a crib, playing with my friend Elaine, and being  in nursery school at age 3 or 4. I don't remember thinking much about gender then, but a year or two later, I remember sitting with Greta, in religious school, listening to the children's choir, lamenting that boys' voices change. I had both boy and girl friends in grade school, and played sandlot baseball, football, and engaged in snowball fights. I also played dolls with girl friends, especially Nancy. Nancy, an Orthodox Jew, invited me to a Chanukah celebration once, and I felt distinctly uncomfortable sitting downstairs with the men, while she was upstairs with the women.

Still, it wasn't until high school that I felt out of step. I played with a boy, Jerry(?), for the first year or two, much as I'd played in grade school, but we grew increasingly distant. I stood alone in the local drugstore reading a biography of Christine Jorgenson, knowing I wanted to do what she had done, except that I found the idea of sex/dating males abhorrent, and did not want to be a celebrity. Nothing came of that experience, nor did I speak about it to anyone. Probably, my best friend from grade school and through high school was Jeanette. I wore her dress all one afternoon after she complained about having to wear dresses to high school. I sympathized with her, but enjoyed wearing the dress (I later wore the dress of a cousin, but was caught and humiliated). Through my teens and twenties, I was deeply concerned people would sense that I was not a guy, and humiliate me. Getting married while yet in college and growing a beard soon after took care of that for a while.

Gradually, she found out about me. The fact that I always scored more feminine than she on magazine quizzes was amusing. Knitting, cooking, and sewing were OK. Carrying a purse and bicycling with a female friend were not. She made my life unpleasant enough that I divorced her after 24 years. She soon re-married--an opinionated machinist who works on cars in his spare time.

I hadn't yet separated sex and gender, and developed the idea that individual men and women vary more in femininity/masculinity than the average man and woman do. Shortly after I met my second wife, I assured her that she need not worry I would try to seduce her; I merely wanted to be friends. She said, in that case, she might seduce me. Later, I asked her if, given her ambitious, type A personality, she hadn't thought she'd rather have been born a boy, as I wished I'd been born a girl.

Twenty years later, my doctor prescribed a mild anti-androgen to fight a prostate problem, and I thought I'd finally been granted my my wish and would have a female body. I was in a state of high euphoria and excitement. I was also deeply worried since I have 4 children and a wife I deeply love and am very close to. I scoured the web for information on sex changes, took the usual online gender tests with my usual results, and discovered Susan's Place. It was here, 3 years ago, that I discovered gender (as opposed to sex) and the concept of the androgyne.

Given my experience of 3 years ago, I know I'd like to try HRT. I know when I am with a group of women, I want to be "one of the girls." I am less sure that I am willing to engage in real life experience as a woman. Playing the male role has given me a best friend I get to live with, plus 4 children, and 3 grandchildren. It is a rare woman who is willing to give up her children and grandchildren. Yet I know, as I've known at least since puberty, that I am not a man. Next month, I finally have an appointment with the gender therapist I first contacted 3 years ago, authorized by my health insurance. I move slowly. Sorry for the wordy and delayed answer; I hope I have given a coherent set of answers to your questions, Raven.

S

How old were you when you realized you were androgyn?

Somewhere around 43.

Before you realized you were, did you think you were trans?

I actually thought that maybe i was gay.

How did you feel when you realized you were androgyn?

I actually felt relieved. I could finally put a label on what i had been subconsciously been feeling all my life.

Do you tend to feel more of one gender than an other if any gender at all?

I consider myself bigender - I feel both a boy persona and a girl persona at the same time. Sometimes the boy is the stronger persona, and sometimes the girl is the stronger persona.

Did you exp a time of confusion over being androgyn or trans?

The confusion i felt is more related to working to get to the discovery of who i am. I've always been me, and that causes no confusion.

Hi.

Im 63   as to names  or any thing else ,   would i know ,   any of what we know to day  not likely & who would have told this kid any way.  Some thing in side of me was & how would  i   have framed any ?? s,   let alone ask .

i knew i was different other than that not much at 10  , i thought im  not like the young girls. & left it at that.

some years later i saw things not as a male more in regard to a girl  / woman,   i had a understanding , 
  tho did not relate to men at all.

I did not for many years see any differenance  between men & women i saw them as i saw my self of cause no words ment any thing to me.

of cause i really only found out 4 years ago,   knew what a androgynous person was . so think 59 years then i found out no one told me i just finily put it together.

& really im a brain wired intersexed androgynous woman so at 59 i found out , & even tho i was,   i did not know.
As to being  T S , C D  , or T V  nothing there ether, just was not me.

Being androgyn , really being in the middle its like normal  & just right. & 60 % male & 60 % woman , yea the  maths are suss ,  so what,     its me any way.

No confusion here & why should there be.

One thing i was doing was thinking both male & female  at the same time, in the terms of how people think just not compleatly one way or the other  a real mix .

In regard to male i could go so far in how they think & then stop just a blank . like you have to walk say 20 miles okay just you can only go so far & stop say 15 miles & thats it no matter what you do or say you cant go any futher . thats what its like for me .

woman no probs. fully relate to the 18 miles & yes i know i miss a bit from there on. i can see it & yes its just a tiny bit i miss.
Even so im still happy being who i am .i  dont have the looks to look like a woman , yet im acceped as one who has that male background.


...noeleena...

When I was little, I know I was always boyish for a girl.  I had both male and female friends, and I never quite felt like I fit in.  I remember looking in the mirror when I was maybe six and holding my hair back with my hand, because I wanted to look like a boy.  For some reason, I felt shame over all this, and buried it.  But then in middle school, I realized I liked girls.  I thought I was bisexual, then lesbian.  But I was always extremely uncomfortable with the word lesbian applied to me; I preferred to just say "I like girls."  Now I realize it was because I wasn't a girl at all. 
I got a "crush" on a boy in 8th grade.  But it was strange--I wasn't physically attracted to him, and I didn't want to be with him romantically.  I labeled it a crush because that was what it meant when a girl had strong feelings for a boy, right?  Then he moved away, and I forgot about it.  But about a year later, I saw someone who looked like him, and I began examining my feelings for him again.  I realized with a shock that I didn't want to be with him, I wanted to BE him.
That, 9th grade, was when I started explicitly questioning my gender identity.  I realized soon enough that I wasn't a girl, had never been a girl.  But did that mean I was a boy?  That wasn't right either.  I did research and decided I was androgynous.  I was confused over this for a long time.  I do consider myself trans, just non binary trans.  I was happy to be figuring these things out about myself, and when I finally came out about a year later, the depression I'd been battling decreased significantly.
Another word to describe me is gender fluid.  Sometimes I feel like a guy, sometimes like a girl, and mostly somewhere in between.  I'd say I'm more on the guy side than girl.
I dress as androgynously as I can, try to pass.  Make people not sure if I'm a girl or a boy.  I want to go on T as soon as I possibly can to deal with my dysphoria.

When i was in my early 20s i thought i was TS but after 6 months or so on hormones something just didnt feel right, and from then on just felt as if i was sitting on the fence when it came to being male or female just didnt know there was a name for peole like me till the last couple of years, 44 now. Felt relieved when i found i was andro cos at least now i can watch my fav footie team on telly wearing a skirt while my wife paints my nails and not have to worry that there is  anything strange about it lol

How old were you when you realized you were androgyne?

21

Before you realized you were, did you think you were trans?

I reckoned I was trans at first, everybody told me I was 'something else' but were not sure what that something else was.

How did you feel when you realized you were androgyne?

Like I'd stepped into a comfortable pair of boots, or like I'd had some fog cleared.

Do you tend to feel more of one gender than an other if any gender at all?

I feel myself as someone who is in a psychological state of non-gender similar to that of a very young child.

Did you exp a time of confusion over being androgyne?

Not about the actual identity, just about what I wanted to do about it.
[/quote]

Quote from: Simone Louise on December 11, 2010, 06:16:07 PM
I am 70 now. I remember being in a crib, playing with my friend Elaine, and being  in nursery school at age 3 or 4. I don't remember thinking much about gender then, but a year or two later, I remember sitting with Greta, in religious school, listening to the children's choir, lamenting that boys' voices change. I had both boy and girl friends in grade school, and played sandlot baseball, football, and engaged in snowball fights. I also played dolls with girl friends, especially Nancy. Nancy, an Orthodox Jew, invited me to a Chanukah celebration once, and I felt distinctly uncomfortable sitting downstairs with the men, while she was upstairs with the women.

Still, it wasn't until high school that I felt out of step. I played with a boy, Jerry(?), for the first year or two, much as I'd played in grade school, but we grew increasingly distant. I stood alone in the local drugstore reading a biography of Christine Jorgenson, knowing I wanted to do what she had done, except that I found the idea of sex/dating males abhorrent, and did not want to be a celebrity. Nothing came of that experience, nor did I speak about it to anyone. Probably, my best friend from grade school and through high school was Jeanette. I wore her dress all one afternoon after she complained about having to wear dresses to high school. I sympathized with her, but enjoyed wearing the dress (I later wore the dress of a cousin, but was caught and humiliated). Through my teens and twenties, I was deeply concerned people would sense that I was not a guy, and humiliate me. Getting married while yet in college and growing a beard soon after took care of that for a while.

Gradually, she found out about me. The fact that I always scored more feminine than she on magazine quizzes was amusing. Knitting, cooking, and sewing were OK. Carrying a purse and bicycling with a female friend were not. She made my life unpleasant enough that I divorced her after 24 years. She soon re-married--an opinionated machinist who works on cars in his spare time.

I hadn't yet separated sex and gender, and developed the idea that individual men and women vary more in femininity/masculinity than the average man and woman do. Shortly after I met my second wife, I assured her that she need not worry I would try to seduce her; I merely wanted to be friends. She said, in that case, she might seduce me. Later, I asked her if, given her ambitious, type A personality, she hadn't thought she'd rather have been born a boy, as I wished I'd been born a girl.

Twenty years later, my doctor prescribed a mild anti-androgen to fight a prostate problem, and I thought I'd finally been granted my my wish and would have a female body. I was in a state of high euphoria and excitement. I was also deeply worried since I have 4 children and a wife I deeply love and am very close to. I scoured the web for information on sex changes, took the usual online gender tests with my usual results, and discovered Susan's Place. It was here, 3 years ago, that I discovered gender (as opposed to sex) and the concept of the androgyne.

Given my experience of 3 years ago, I know I'd like to try HRT. I know when I am with a group of women, I want to be "one of the girls." I am less sure that I am willing to engage in real life experience as a woman. Playing the male role has given me a best friend I get to live with, plus 4 children, and 3 grandchildren. It is a rare woman who is willing to give up her children and grandchildren. Yet I know, as I've known at least since puberty, that I am not a man. Next month, I finally have an appointment with the gender therapist I first contacted 3 years ago, authorized by my health insurance. I move slowly. Sorry for the wordy and delayed answer; I hope I have given a coherent set of answers to your questions, Raven.

S

Just saw this. Wow that's great you're going to talk with someone Simone! I enjoyed hearing more of your story too. Thanks for sharing with us!
I hope all goes well and you find the mix that makes you happy, whether that includes HRT or otherwise.

Can we still call you Nero? I will always think of you as the Emperor of the Forest, and always, always pay attention to what you write in this forum. I remember you've had some hard times, and hope you are well and generally finding your way through the forest.

I will be seeing a therapist on the day of Epiphany who I found listed on Susans. I saw her one time almost three years ago, but wanted my insurance to pay. Everyone seemed willing, and it has still taken forever. As I walked out of her office she said I was not a transexual, but I didn't have a chance to ask what she meant and what she thought I was and why the whole issue consumes my inner conversations.

I generally am happy, often confident, but the is an overlaying wash of emotion that my wife once thought was depression. It is not. Still, like many who write here, I am a little afraid and uncertain what to do next--and full of hope because of what I see people here doing with their lives. Send good thoughts about me into the universe on the sixth; I will most likely share on this forum something of the exchange with my therapist.

Be well,
S