[Note:  Technically I am retired from staff but I agreed with Zythra that I would come out of retirement to write this article.]

Houston, October 9, 2010
   
In Twelfth Night, William Shakespeare wrote, "Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them."  (Act II, Scene V)
I think that Nikki Araguz is certainly one upon whom greatness has been thrust.   

Today I was fortunate to attend a town hall meeting featuring, not only Nikki, but also the legal team of Phyllis Frye, who is handling her case.  Also in attendance was Jenifer Pool, the first openly trans candidate for city council in Houston, as well as many leaders around the LGBT community. 

The meeting room was fairly full, but I was a bit disappointed in how few came out for such an important case as this.  I think that this case could be one that brings our issues to the forefront, and has all of the earmarks of making it to the Supreme Court.  Only time will tell.

We were given a rundown of the legal system and what has been happening the past few years in Texas.  In abbreviated form:
-1999, Littleton v. Prange: The judge ruled that you are what your chromosomes are what you are assumed to be at birth
-2009, Texas Law Changes: In the middle of Texas Marriage Law, it now states that a valid marriage license can be issued to a person showing proof of a "sex change."
-2010, El Paso: In a marriage license case, Attorney General Greg Abbot refuses to issue an opinion as to what legal gender the State of Texas will recognize in the case of the El Paso transwoman.
-2010, Wharton: Nikki Aragus' husband is killed and the ex wife attempts to have their marriage voided by having the court pronounce that Nikki is legally male.
-2010, Austin: Attorney General Greg Abbot refuses to issue an opinion in the El Paso case and instead has deferred to the outcome of the Wharton case to settle the question.

What all of this boils down to is that we have a case in the discovery phase and we have a state attorney general who refuses to stand up and issue an opinion.  And no matter which side wins in Wharton, it is likely that this will go to the court of appeals.  That is where it will get interesting.  Many stand ready to file amicus curiae briefs on Nikki's behalf.  Beyond that nothing is certain.  A loss will set us back at least a decade.  A win will put Texas in basically the same position that California was in after Prop 8 passed.

Now, as to the question everyone seems interested in: What is Nikki like?  I mean, after all, the other side has made her out to be some absolute ogre.  In person she is anything but.  She is beautiful and a bit sassy with a cute, irreverent edge to her.  I still fail to see how anyone around her could get even the slightest male vibes.  She was not afraid to joke with the legal team a bit.  And when she spoke, through her pain, words of conviction poured out.  This is a girl I would likely enjoy getting to know.

"My husband chose to marry me in all honesty, and if anyone wants to think they can take that away, they are out of their friggin' mind. I am ready to fight, fight, fight."

With tears welling in her eyes, she told of us her need to move to another state to bring closure to this difficult chapter in her life.  I am sorry for her.  No one should have to go through that.

"I just want to live my life.  Now, I have no privacy.  I didn't sign up for this.  I didn't call the media."

Indeed she did not.  Not long ago, her world fell apart unexpectedly.  Now her private life is fodder for media frenzy.  She is truly one upon whom greatness has been thrust.  In my opinion, she is handling it much better than most could.

After the meeting I hugged her, told her she was beautiful and that she had a ton of people pulling for her.  She thanked me genuinely, told me I was very pretty (of course, extra points for that!) And I promised to let her know when I had posted this writeup.  We hugged again and I knew I walked out of the presence of both a fun girl to know, and a great person. 

Dear Nikki, we need you strong.  Do not give up!

Kristi,

Thanks for sharing your first person report with us!

Z

My pleasure, Z!  I am still hoping people get interested in this case, because it will definitely affect us all, no matter what state we live in.

Thank You Kristi, for your report.  It is nice to have a first person view.  I wish Nikki the very best.

Thanks Kristi.  Interesting first hand story. 

Yes, this is an important case for us.  Very important! 

There have been many threads here pertaining to our civil rights.  Few get many responses.  My guess is, unless this one is promoted, the same will happen here.  From where this girl sits, we TGs seem to approach subjects like this with a bit too much apathy.  I don't get it. 

This is a battle for our civil rights.  We should be all over this. 

It's not only here that I find this.  Friends we have here also show either apathy of a lack of awareness about civil rights issues.  Everyone wants them but...

Nikki has her hands full with her case being in Texas.  It's not exactly known for it's LGBT friendly atmosphere.  This case will most likely take years.  And all because Nikki is TG and TGs are not welcome in this society.

You'd think we'd be screaming from the rooftops.

Quote from: Julie Marie on October 11, 2010, 05:10:31 AM
Thanks Kristi.  Interesting first hand story. 

From where this girl sits, we TGs seem to approach subjects like this with a bit too much apathy.  I don't get it. 
This is a battle for our civil rights.  We should be all over this. 
It's not only here that I find this.  Friends we have here also show either apathy of a lack of awareness about civil rights issues.  Everyone wants them but...

I quite agree.  This is seen as someone else's battle.  But it isn't!  As I mentioned, she is accused of all sorts of things by the other side.  But the truth is, she will never recover the cost of this battle financially.  She is doing this for you and for me.  This is one case that has such potential for making it all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.  We just cannot afford to ignore this.

Quote from: Julie Marie on October 11, 2010, 05:10:31 AM
Nikki has her hands full with her case being in Texas.  It's not exactly known for it's LGBT friendly atmosphere.  This case will most likely take years.  And all because Nikki is TG and TGs are not welcome in this society.  You'd think we'd be screaming from the rooftops.

Well I personally think this one is first about money.  And they are preying upon peoples' trans fears to profit financially and steal the money and benefits rightly belonging to Nikki.  I don't think that the plaintiff side ever thought Nikki would find the Phyllis Frye law firm and they had no idea what they were in for.  My only hope is that when all of this is settled, their attack on Nikki's relationship with Thomas will only serve to legitimatize it, both legally and in the court of public opinion.   And that, if we care to get involved, is a very real possibility.  So this is a terrible time.  But it is also a very hopeful time.

I too have been following this case, and like all too many, it is a tragedy.

Our rights as citizens and human beings are so casually violated.  "Think of the children!" they all say.  "It's discussing!" is the rallying cry.  "They are all perverts!" is the response.

I have so much sympathy for Nikki.  She is showing herself to be a real trooper in this.  She did not choose to be transsexual, but she has chosen to fight for her rights and what is rightfully hers.

I don't know that I would have the same courage.  Bless her.

-Sandy

Quote from: Sandy on October 11, 2010, 08:48:48 AM
I don't know that I would have the same courage.  Bless her.
-Sandy

I know how you feel, Sandy!  Interestingly, she said the same thing.  She never thought she would have the courage to do this.  I guess sometimes we never know what we are made of until we are called upon in dire circumstances.  Nikki was not part of the "community."  She did not know about many of the things going on.  She had never heard the word "stealth" and had no idea that she was.  She was just a girl with a birth defect trying to live her life.  Finally she was able to have corrective surgery and thought that would mean happily ever after.  NOT!  It is really so sad.

Thanks, so much, all of you, for caring enough to post in this thread.  As you know, this one hits soooo close to home for me and I feel it is my battle too.  I do hope that you will see fit to point others here so that more can be educated in what is going on.

And please be sure to visit her web site and tell her of your support.  It would be good if you mention both Susan's and me when you do.
http://nikkiaraguz.com/

Quote from: Kristi on October 11, 2010, 09:10:22 AM
And please be sure to visit her web site and tell her of your support.  It would be good if you mention both Susan's and me when you do.
http://nikkiaraguz.com/

I have left her a note.  Her site shows some wonderful pictures of her and her fallen husband, such a tragedy on so many levels.

-Sandy

Quote from: Kristi on October 11, 2010, 07:34:44 AMWell I personally think this one is first about money.  And they are preying upon peoples' trans fears to profit financially and steal the money and benefits rightly belonging to Nikki.

There's no doubt greed plays a big part in this case.  But if Nikki was GG there would be no case.  Her marriage wouldn't be challenged.  But since Nikki is TG and the general sentiment towards TGs is negative, the door to get her money was opened.  That's what I meant when I said it was all because she was TG and TGs are not welcome in this society.

Quote from: Sandy on October 11, 2010, 08:48:48 AMOur rights as citizens and human beings are so casually violated.  "Think of the children!" they all say.

But they never finish that sentence, so I will...

"Think of the children we have conditioned to fear people like you!"

When they were kids, adults taught them to fear people who are different.  And those adults were taught as children by the adults in their lives.  And so we must perpetuate the irrational fear.  No way we can admit our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents were wrong!

And so children learn this same irrational fear.  And they learn it's okay to be mean to kids who are different.  And as they grow into adults that meanness turns to hatred.  And it's okay because everyone else does it too.

In that light, I'm trying to start a campaign that will nip this in the bud.  Just like Nancy Reagan did with the Just Say No To Drugs campaign, I'm trying to get a Stop Being Mean campaign going directed at the kids.  Imagine if that idea eventually took hold.  The bullying, teasing, harassing kids endure would be seen as bad as drugs are today.  And they would take that belief into adulthood.  Can you imagine?

Quote from: Julie Marie on October 11, 2010, 10:07:08 AM
There's no doubt greed plays a big part in this case.  But if Nikki was GG there would be no case.  Her marriage wouldn't be challenged.  But since Nikki is TG and the general sentiment towards TGs is negative, the door to get her money was opened.  That's what I meant when I said it was all because she was TG and TGs are not welcome in this society.

I could not agree more.  The opposition lawyer, IMHO is a sleazy little lizard who has very few scruples about who he will run over to win.  He saw his opening and took it.  It was the TG issue.  In most parts of society it is a slam dunk.  We are freaks.  Freaks deserve nothing.  Case closed.    Surprise, surprise, it will not be nearly that easy!  Not this time.

Quote from: Julie Marie on October 11, 2010, 10:07:08 AM


In that light, I'm trying to start a campaign that will nip this in the bud.  Just like Nancy Reagan did with the Just Say No To Drugs campaign, I'm trying to get a Stop Being Mean campaign going directed at the kids.  Imagine if that idea eventually took hold.  The bullying, teasing, harassing kids endure would be seen as bad as drugs are today.  And they would take that belief into adulthood.  Can you imagine?

Thanks Julie and Kristi. Great on the spot reporting, Kristi.

Julie's right in the sense that unless Nikki was TG, there would be no who-ha. This case was an opportunity for those with an agenda against us to make an issue of it. It was also a cheap, sensationalistic opportunity for the media to get a storyline going.

From the standpoint of the fire district and their insurance company, they're also happy to try and avoid paying out the insurance money.

I love Julie's "Just stop being Mean" campaign. Not only is it a great idea for children, but it would be a valuable lesson for adults. No one wants their kid to be bullied at school or on the playground, and this campaign would nip it in the bud. However, the phobic parents agenda would surely creep into this effort, as they would not want GLBT kids included for "special protections". They were bullies, and may have been victims themselves. These parents now want to pass that on to their own children as a way of settling the score and proving that GLBT kids deserve this abuse because of the poor "choices" they made for their own behavior. Sadly, teachers and coaches often look the other way thinking that the bullying against trans and gay kids will curb our behaviors and stuff us back into the closet. I don't think so!

I drop a short note to Nikki, expressing my personal sympathies at her loss.  I also expressed our support for her as members of Susans.org.

I would love to see Julie's campaign. but I can see the right wing haters saying it is against their beliefs.  It is time to treat all bullies for what they really are, criminals.

Quote from: Julie Marie on October 11, 2010, 10:07:08 AM
When they were kids, adults taught them to fear people who are different.  And those adults were taught as children by the adults in their lives.  And so we must perpetuate the irrational fear.  No way we can admit our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents were wrong!

And so children learn this same irrational fear.  And they learn it's okay to be mean to kids who are different.  And as they grow into adults that meanness turns to hatred.  And it's okay because everyone else does it too.

If I can, I suggest the fear is created for gain. People generate fear because they see benefit from it.

Fear of a group, creates a common enemy, allowing those who incite to set themselves up as champions. It creates a scape goat, to blame for social ills.

It is clear that in Texas, as in many other areas, the law is hopelessly corrupt. It is clear that many other significant social problems exist. The claims of these people to support traditional values, while manipulating the causes of the many of the problems.

It's little co-incidence, thatthe same process is occuring in many parts of Africa.

If these people win, I guarantee they will be hailed as the victors against the forces of progressive values. Which, of course, they are.

Quote from: spacial on October 11, 2010, 11:51:56 AM
It is clear that in Texas, as in many other areas, the law is hopelessly corrupt. It is clear that many other significant social problems exist. The claims of these people to support traditional values, while manipulating the causes of the many of the problems.

You are right about corruption, but I don't think it is worse or better here than elsewhere.  That being said, the state attorney general may just sit back for years and refuse to issue a ruling, saying that the case is going through the court system, yada yada yada.  Most think he is waiting to use a defeat as a chance to remove the new legal protection we got in 2009.  I am not sure about that, but I do know that TG people from all over the country should be in his face and make him take a stand.  He should know that he is offending a large segment of the population, and these are voters.

As far as traditional values, I despise that term.  Hate should not be considered traditional, and promoted as a good thing, no matter the source.  Coming as one who was ruthlessly bullied and beaten when young, the excuse that parents did it so it is OK, does not hold any water with me.  However, I do think that we have a bunch of grownup bullies today.  Ending hate (or stop being mean) would certainly be a step in the right direction.

Thanks so much for writing in support of Nikki.  I hope that more will continue to do so!

My apologies of I seemed to be implying that Texas is more corrupt than anywhere else. Corruption does indeed exist everywhere.

In any case, I lack any comprehensive knowledge of Texas to form such a judgement.

I do strongly believe that the corrupt and power hungry are using themes such as traditional values along with religion to justify their behaviour.

Quote from: spacial on October 11, 2010, 02:58:24 PM
My apologies of I seemed to be implying that Texas is more corrupt than anywhere else. Corruption does indeed exist everywhere.

No, of course I did not take it that way.   

And yes, I believe in many traditional values and I am not ashamed of that:  How about love, respect, honesty, peace, patience, kindness....   Very traditional, but how would those possibly enable hatred.  That is why I am calling BS on the hijacked terminology.

Thank you for your support and praise of my daughter, Nikki. She is more than a daughter, she is my friend - a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece. So many family and friends love her. We are proud of her courage in the face of adversity, that she stands up straight and beautiful, eyes bright and smile sincere. She has more tenacity and strength than many - but even the strongest of us needs helping hands, supportive voices, and kind words in difficult moments.
My child has a broken heart. To suddenly lose a husband (or wife) is unbearable pain. To be ostracized, criticized, emotionally and verbally assaulted, and have your entire family taken away from you by your in-laws and husband's ex-wife? Why? For money? They lashed out at MY child for greed, dishonoring my son-in-law, the hero fireman, who CHOSE to love and marry Nikki.
Thomas must be furious - of this, I am certain. He would never forgive his mother for this horrific action - and he had long ago divorced the ex-wife.
Nikki is a survivor. We are all proud of her.

Give her a big hug from me and tell her I am supporting her even if it is only in spirit.

I believe it all boils down to one simple view point.....

And that is that it's a lifestyle choice, that is how the public view it therefore they feel it is ok to speak against it.

If it was seen for what it really is, a birth defect then it would be no different then trying to ostracise someone born with polio, an unfortunately placed birthmark or a lazy eye etc.

For me it is as simple as that.