So here's the situation:

After several years of searching, I *finally* found a local bar with a dollar pool table which makes shooting whenever I want affordable.  The challenge is I'm easily the hottest single woman (besides the bar tender, who by bar rules is off-limits anyway) to ever set foot in the place.  No one there has any clue I'm trans, let alone non-op.   I'm not willing to jeopardize a dollar pool table for dates with bar flies. Pretty much every single guy in the place has been attempting to get my attention.  So far, I'm doing ok at deflecting their advances.  Most of them know buying me drinks tends to annoy me, so that aspect of things has stopped.  But there's still plenty of them chatting me up.

For now I've told them the truth when someone's pressed for a date: I've just come off a bad breakup and I'm not really in a head space for dating.  But I'll only be able to use that dodge for so long.  I'm hesitant to play the "into women" card because when I do start dating again, it will likely be with men.  By the same token these are all regulars like me, and I can't afford to be seen as a stuck up bitch within that space.  Add to the fact, I'm only casual stealth, so there's a high risk of my past coming to light -- if I'm seen as encouraging the attention, it will likely have negative repercussions for me over the long haul. 

Have any of you been in a similar situation?  Somewhere where you attract a large amount of unwanted positive attention?  If so, how did you manage them to protect yourself?

Quote from: Valeriedances on October 12, 2010, 03:44:37 PM
Hi pheonix, wow, I can relate well. My recommendation is just to say that you dont date where you hang out. Simple as that. It's like the work rule, it's easy for everyone to accept. The hard part is sticking to it yourself when you meet someone your attracted to.

I am currently in 2 pool leagues (Mon and Wed) where there are about 100 men in each to maybe 5 women. I am the only single, unattached woman. I am hit on constantly as you can imagine. I've found it is extreme level real life testing in passing and stealth, and also gives practice in learning to say no ...and generally socializing as a single woman to men. Eyes are on me constantly as there are usually between 12-20 men surrounding my table area plus those walking around, but I handle it well as I enjoy seducing and the limelight. It takes alot of guts and confidence, and is potentially very dangerous.

I learned the hard way. Initially, I dated someone in the league and eventually told him I'm a post-op when I couldnt put him off anymore for sex. I liked him alot. It didnt go well, but he keeps the secret as he doesnt want the other men to know. Hes too concerned about losing his reputation (the jerk).

What I do now is tell men that I dont date where I play pool as its too awkward playing when you break up. They seem to be accepting that and keep it at the flirtation level. It helps a little that they all know I recently broke up with the other man, I'm trying to use that to my benefit by showing how tense it is between that guy and me.

In the end we do have to protect ourselves and know when its not safe. It's a little safer for me being post-op, I can always deny it. But I still have to be careful. I'm not coming out to anyone else there.

I tell myself if I do decide to date someone, I'll quit playing so theres no conflict. I'd have to like him alot.

Brilliant!  That's the angle I'm missing.  Thanks!

Just say you're not interested, smile, and walk off.

Excellent posts, and very interesting.  You gals handle yourselves with style and class.