Hi all, I'm Clare.

I'm fairly new to the forum so mostly getting to grips with its layout and everything right now. Well actually I signed up a few months ago and then forgot about it! But we don't talk about that.

I started transition around a couple of years ago, but honestly haven't got all that far with it until more recently. Partly because I was at college as well as living with my brother.

I came out to my mother and step dad 2 years ago and have unfortunately been forced to live with them again. The reason being that I'd moved in with my boyfriend's family sort of unofficially but, for many reasons, had to move out.

Since coming out to them though they haven't really been terribly accepting and pretty much refuse to accept the situation. In fact, they've pretty much said they blame the boyfriend because he's trans and I came out since meeting him. My step dad has actively said that if I dress 'like a girl' I've to find somewhere else to live.

As for transition itself, I've got my official diagnosis from the GIC but they're being problematic about starting HRT. So if I go their way I have around a 2 year wait before they'd even consider it. I do love the NHS - not.

So I've got really an unsupportive family and an unsupportive GIC! Not to mention the fact that the aforementioned boyfriend decided this weekend to breakup with me. I guess I saw that coming but still hasn't made it much easier to hear.

Unfortunately for me, he's not only my closest friend but pretty much the only one I have right now (we're still friends so that's something - though not necessarily the best thing for me right now). I got cut off with my others when they went off to uni or we just lost touch, which suited me really because I wanted a fresh start to transition. Plus I felt like I was doing all the work. I'm also kind of reserved so don't really do so well at making friends I suppose.

So needless to say things could be better at the minute. I'm feeling increasingly lonely and depressed, and now a little worried. I guess because I consider myself to be a lesbian (though this is kind of fluid I guess) which can be hard enough without being trans on top. Not that I'm ashamed of being either, but it can make things more complicated.

Not the most optimistic introduction in the world! But I guess I'm just feeling pretty lonely and more depressed than usual. I always was pretty hard on myself though. The good news is that I've ended up having my name changed legally and physically don't have much of a problem with 'passing'.

So... hi? I'll cheer up now, eek!

Hi Clare,

Welcome to our little family. Over 38es 00 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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I tried to transition 20 years ago and heard similar words from my father.  But I restarted 34 months ago.  And I have been full time for two years and a month.

Hugs and Love,
Janet

Hi Clare

Welcome to Susan's, at least you will have more friends here. Living at home with unaccepting parents is always difficult, sadly we have a number of guys and girls in the same situation all around the world. Sad about the boyfriend too .

The way that many of us went was to get a job get some independence and make a plan. Nothing happens overnight, I'm another old tart (sorry sis ) its taken me over fifty years to get here and that was with a supportive family (as an adult). As a teenager coming out to M&D didn't go down at all well.

Hang in and keep positing we are all friends here

Cindy

Clare.

Many of us really understand lonliness. Susans' is really quite amazing.

Sorry about your folks. Best not to antogonise them at the moment.

Hi Clare,
what do you mean about getting diagnosis but have to wait 2 years?  That is nonsense.  You start RLE when you are ready and ask for hormones as soon as possible.  Some London people are starting transition, HRT and having surgery in less that 2 years.
On the other hand if you are still living as male then I personally agree that you have to wait until you transition. 
If you can't or won't then you aren't sufficiently motivated.
Can you find a bedsit where you can become the woman you think you are to satisf yourself and your clinic?  What about sharing with the B/F? 
Stepdad OK to have you around as gay and have a B/F but refuses to accept you as TS?   Some funny folk around.

Thanks everyone!

Glad to know I have some accepting family then! But yeah, I know transitioning and even having family support isn't always easy - if ever. I guess my plan had been to eventually move in with the boyfriend full-time and had that things would be good again. Guess I should have had a plan B!

As for antagonising my folks, I've mostly left them alone and I don't really talk to them much. Actually I don't talk to my step-dad at all most of the time. They seldom bother asking how I am or anything, and I get why they don't ask about transition but it still irritates me.

Still, they are the way they are and no amount of attempts on my part is going to change them. I mean if after 2 years of trying to get them to be accepting they're still in the denial/anger phase(s) then it doesn't bode well. So I'm going to concentrate my energy on actually transitioning, regardless of how they find it.

Quote from: lilacwoman on October 17, 2010, 05:15:32 AM

what do you mean about getting diagnosis but have to wait 2 years?  That is nonsense.  You start RLE when you are ready and ask for hormones as soon as possible.  Some London people are starting transition, HRT and having surgery in less that 2 years.
On the other hand if you are still living as male then I personally agree that you have to wait until you transition. 
If you can't or won't then you aren't sufficiently motivated.
Can you find a bedsit where you can become the woman you think you are to satisf yourself and your clinic?  What about sharing with the B/F? 
Stepdad OK to have you around as gay and have a B/F but refuses to accept you as TS?   Some funny folk around.

I meant that they're making me do my own RLE then go back to them and do it again for another year and then they 'might consider' HRT. I know that other GICs aren't as nonsensical though, that's why I'll be asking for a referral from my GP to go to the other nearest GIC.

As for living as male, as far as my family is concerned there is no transition happened and I'm going to respect them and do as they say. In the real world, that isn't happening. I'm transitioning around them at the minute. They know, or my mother does, that I've changed my name. Her reaction: "Wouldn't you be better changing your sex first?" then getting uncomfortable and walking off and never talking about it again. I wasn't entirely sure what she even meant, though I can guess.

They did keep asking if I was gay but he isn't any more accepting of that. I told him no and he said "oh good, it seems like everybody is gay at the minute. Seems to be the 'in' thing". So because of their attitude I had to hide my relationship with my boyfriend from them. Despite them never accepting no for an answer because I lived with him and his family. But then being trans is also code for being gay if you ask my step-dad too. I shudder to think what it must be like living in his head.

Anyway, just like to say thanks again to everyone for being so welcoming.

That GIC must be staffed with crazies!

Tell your GP you need to see a different one otherwise you'll waste 3 years or so.

Sounds like your Mum will be your best ally but you need to have a one-to-one to get everything out in the open and confirm her worst fears about you thinking of eventual sexchange.

Keep a diary and folder with copies of all letters to and from GP, shrinks, clinics.

Good luck.

Quote from: lilacwoman on October 17, 2010, 01:45:10 PM
That GIC must be staffed with crazies!

Tell your GP you need to see a different one otherwise you'll waste 3 years or so.

Sounds like your Mum will be your best ally but you need to have a one-to-one to get everything out in the open and confirm her worst fears about you thinking of eventual sexchange.

Keep a diary and folder with copies of all letters to and from GP, shrinks, clinics.

Good luck.

Yeah. My discharge letter even manages to breach patient confidentiality too (which was sent to my former GP). I'm in the middle of sorting a few things and that's definitely on my to-do list.

Seems she probably is. I've had a number of conversations with her but she never really 'got it'. I kind of gave up after a while since it felt like I was wasting my time.

Yep, already got one thanks! I'm not too sure whether to make a big thing out of my GIC's behaviour. Honestly, I have more important things to do but they get away with a lot and they shouldn't.